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Me too #metoo. Me too…..

For the most part, my relationship status with Facebook is set to “On a Break”. Yesterday I checked back in for my scheduled bi-weekly Facebook exploration. I set my timer for 30 minutes. I responded to the posts I had been tagged in, wrote a post or two, read a couple of saved articles from last week and checked on our Mother and Daughter Connection Day event, oh and posted on the same event page. That took like 7 minutes.

The rest of the time I just scrolled around.

I noticed a few things..

  1. I have awesome Facebook friends. I have such positive Facebook friends. SO many inspiring posts. SO many gorgeous pics of holidays. SO much damn awesomeness!
  2. I can use Facebook very time effectively if I focus!
  3. Oh and my god…I was blown away by the realness and rawness of #metoo that seemed to be all over social media. Completely saddened and completely touched.

This #metoo is both troubling and yet it feels like a collective exhale. Women who have been quiet in their shame because of a culture that says this kind of thing is ok are now finding their voices.

These women are bravely stepping forward and sharing their stories, their truths, their boundary violations.

This is not blaming men directly. We are all participating in the development of cultural norms. We are all responsible for how we choose to use the circumstances that life presents us.

And it seems for a very long time, women have brushed off ‘innocent flirtation’ and “Oh don’t be so sensitive, we’re just mucking around love” and “nice tits” and “wanna f*ck”?  and “how about it love”? and bum slaps and boob grabs and groping and interpreting “No” as “Ah, you’ll be screaming yes before you know it…” as just part of our culture.

I have heard things said like, “it’s natural for me to behave this way”. I have heard others say, “think yourself lucky you get any attention at all”.

I learnt pretty early on, that if you wanted to be loved by a man, you have to be sexual.

My first sexual experience, sadly, was with my step father (who at the time I was lead to believe was my biological father).

I was 9.

And despite all the therapy and self help and personal growth and work I have done around this, it still creeps me out. It still makes me feel nauseous and I just caught my face and body tight as I type this.

That set me up for a distorted view of what it meant to be loved by a man. That sexual attention was actually love. So, that is how I sought love.

I have more #metoo moments than I care to write about actually. And while I know that none of those moments were my fault, I have come to see that people will go to all kinds of lengths to feel love and belonging.

So I can see how confusing it is for men and for women. Wounded girls seeing attention from distorted and culturally wounded boys.

I grew up in a culture and clearly a family that didn’t talk about healthy boundaries. About body awareness and care. About self love and acceptance. About what it ok and what is not okay. I never heard anyone speaking to boys about respecting girls or it ever really being demonstrated how to honour a woman.

I wonder why we didn’t?

Or perhaps our culture was talking about it, I just didn’t hear it. I didn’t hear it because I was still in a shame closet.

Regardless, this #metoo movement if that is what it is called is an opportunity for us all to pause for a moment and feel a collective outpouring of years and years of suppression.

And for me personally, it is a massive reminder of the absolute necessary education I want to provide for all of our children.

To our girls who will become women, to honour and own their sexuality, their power and their femininity and to set very clear ‘this is okay and this is not okay’ settings. To stand with each other, woman with woman and not woman against woman.

To our son, who will become a man, to honour and respect his own sexuality. To understand the power of his physicality and to understand what it means to be a man.

This #metoo-ness has woken me up to the desperate need for us to be not just talking about all the stuff that it is to be human, but sharing our stories. And in sharing, have our stories listened to and be really heard and seen. To lift the dark veil of shame. And collectively, come together to offer a compassionate space for all our hearts to rest.

I am also reminded that there is SUCH power in those two little words. ME TOO. To simply know that we are not alone in this, that we are not the only ones, is a lifeline that I know I have griped to many a time on my life journey.

If this #metoo has triggered feelings of discomfort and other emotions you feel overwhelmed by, please reach out. Reach out. There are people waiting to listen.

 

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Tell Me To Put it Away!

I commented in one of my blogs recently about smart phones, maybe really making us dumb. So, I guess, the phones are still smart?

I’ve noticed this trend, and I know it is the ‘norm’ now, that when you go out to have a ‘catch up’ with a friend, there is a phone inevitably sitting on the table.

When did this start to be okay?

When did it start to be the norm that when you are sitting with a real human, having real human chats, that the phone needs to be up on the table? I know some lovers of dogs  and I am pretty sure that they don’t love their dog that much that they would let them sit on the table…

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Social Media Holiday. Results are in.

It’s been over 2 weeks. I can’t remember the exact day I decided to have a rest from social media. I’ll know if I check my last FB update though. Ah, haha…there it is. The lure to return to the space.

I have really enjoyed this experiment..an experiment I wasn’t actually planning to participate in. But an experiment that I have liked. Dare I say loved.

I didn’t realise how much I used Facebook as a space where I would lose so much time. Lose so much energy. Lose so much..of myself.

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Is Anger Ever Healthy?

I love positivity. I love staying positive. I do. AND I also love the exploration of all the other stuff.

I love all the dark emotions as well. Maybe because I have spent a lot of time with them over the years.

As I continue to explore and research energy and hurt and anger and frustration, I came across this juicy, juicy debate/discussion about anger and exploring whether it is actually force for good.

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Patterns. Habits. Snap….

Some old patterns or habits of mine are hard to break. And pattern awareness is where my energy is at at the moment.

I used to bite my fingernails. Like really bite them. Oh the gnawing my little nails took.

Since I was a kid I bit away. At school. In front of the TV. In the car. Shopping. Reading. No where was off limits. Even when I was nursing…(I know, it’s hard not to judge me on that one).

I tried “Stop and Grow”, I tried acrylic nails, I tried a rubber band around my wrist, which if that has ever worked for anyone, can you let me know…

Well into my adult years I was a biter. WELL into. Late 30’s WELL.

I don’t bite my nails now days. At all.

So what changed?

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Monday-itis Playlist Additions

Just dropping in quickly to help you build that music list to add to your the energy you bring!

Enjoy!

I Choose by India Arie

I Am Invincible by Cassadee Pope

Got Your Back by Busbee Marou

I Got This by Jennifer Hudson

Perfectly Imperfect by Ada Pasternak

Which one vibes with you the most today? Love to hear!

If you want a specific song just for you, send me an email and I’ll email you right back. xx

Big love

Jen

xx

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Addicted? Arm raised….

83 days of no booze and 7 days of no Facebook. Talk about detox central. No small things for this little boozing social media mouse!

I’ve done all manner of detoxes when my body has asked for it. But to date, I have never done the combo of alcohol and social media.

And so it begins.

But why? Why did I even think this was necessary?

The older I get the more in tune I get with my body. The more I notice things that feel like freedom and light and expansive and the more I notice things that make me feel anxious, overwhelmed and contracted.

I was scrolling through Facebook recently and felt like I had entered a foreign land.

Comparison-ville. Green. Lush. Filtered.

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Smorgasbord #2 Songs for Healing & Stuff

Music.

One of the most massive parts of my life. My therapy. My sanity. My escape. My hiding. My home.

In everything I do, I use music to support me.

In all workshops, retreats, coaching, parties, mediations…you’ll find me using music.

It is actually one of my fave things to gifts.

So, I thought I’d share A FEW of my fave songs for different occasions.

I’ve used Spotify to link all these songs, if you don’t have Spotify, just google the song and artist. I hope it works.

Message me if it doesn’t. God I hope it does, it’s taken ages!

If you want me to intuitively select a song specifically for you, drop your name and contact in the bottom and I’ll send you one through.

Feeling Lonely

Feeling Crap and Need a Pick-Me-Up

When You Need a Serious Pep Talk

When You Just Feel Like You Need to Listen to Something New

Songs to Play When You Need to Chill the F Out

When You are in a Life Storm and Feel Shit

Self Esteem Songs

When You Needed to Be Reminded How Amazing You Are

When You Need an Emotional Breakthrough

If you Need to Feel Something

Just for the Love of Them

If you think you might know someone who needs a little music love, send this on to them. There are some sweet, sweet tunes in here.

If you have any songs to add to these lists, send me your loves.

 

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Parents..too much is just dangerous

Have you found yourself saying, “Urgh, this new generation is just so entitled“…

I’m a parent, and looking at what our kids have available to them is just well, next level.

And I don’t know about you, but I am doing my best to parent and with this technology business..well far out, it is touch times.

Click Here to see what Simon Sinek has to say about how we are raising our kids these days!

Oh and because of this, I decided to come off social media for a while. And I have to say, the impact has been profound! I don’t know if I am going back…

Hang in there for what Simon says about getting likes on FB and being ‘unfriended’ and what happens in our brain! Dopamine hits. Highly, highly additive!

Anyone else resonate with the addiction and numbing we find in FB and alcohol?