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One Little Sentence That Has Rocked My World.

I sent some cards of kindness yesterday, like in my Love Letter Project .

I still do this from time to time when I feel inspired, or bored, or creatively stuck, or just because.

I’m super grateful for the Love Letter Project, for a lot of reasons, but one of the best things that came out if it was one little sentence.

It is a sentence that has helped me navigate some of the darkest times since then. Through the sciatic pain, through the operations Madi underwent, through the recovery of my back surgery.

It’s a sentence that I have come to use, not only in my dark days, but in every day life.

Most mornings now, it is my mediation. My mantra. My contemplation. My asking.

That day when the white pages found it’s way on to our front lawn, after I grumbled and mumbled about it, I got curious. And the more I journey in life, the more I have come to see that it is in our curiosity, life magic occurs.

As I walked the book back inside, I kept wondering what on earth I would do with the book. Especially given I could not remember the last time I used the thing.

Over time, this question, this one sentence kept playing in my mind.

“How can I use this for good”?

Stuck in traffic. “How can I use this for good”?

Instead of swearing and getting wound up, I could choose to set myself a breathe challenge. Do 4 rounds of inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds. I could turn the music up and sing loudly. I could play one of the inspiring podcasts I have. If the kids are in the car, I can ask them for life advice. About dealing with friendships and about exercise and just spend time getting their opinions on stuff. We could play the “in this car we only do high voices” and talk in high voices. The first one to laugh is out. Winner gets cash! What else?

Teenager storms out. “How can I use this for good”?

I don’t have a teenager, but I have kids. And kids still get shitty and storm off. How can I use that for good. Well, they get some space to chill or step away from the tension and I get to take some deep breaths. I can ask myself how I contributed to the tension. I can learn from whatever went down…so I can did it differently next time. What else?

Daughter in hospital. “How can I use this for good”?

I have so much uninterrupted time with her, that I wouldn’t normally get with 3 kids. I don’t have to cook (although…hospital food hasn’t changed at all). I can catch up on some writing and reading. I can watch Ellen at midday. I can paint her toe nails. I can sleep when she sleeps. I can learn more about anatomy. I get to meet new folks. What else?

Get diagnosed with a myriad of health conditions.How can I use this for good”?

I get to learn more about my body. I can make other choices to support my health. I can ask for support from a naturopath. I can focus on my health. I can use the experience to educate my kids and other people who might be sharing similar journeys. I can care for myself. What else?

Feel stuck and unmotivated and flat. “How can I use this for good”?

I can write about it. I can reach out and ask for support from a coach or trusted friend. I could schedule time for reflection. I could mediate. I could mediate more. I could ask my body what it needs. What else?

Wifi down. “How can I use this for good”? 

Technology detox! Less distraction. I can read. I can write on paper. I can talk to someone. I can go for a walk. I can do like anything…what else?

Awake at 2am. “How can I use this for good”?

Run into another car. “How can I use this for good”?

Is there anything that you are dealing with at the moment that has left you spinning a little bit, or frustrated or confused?

I wonder what it would be like if you pose yourself the questions, without sarcasm and cynicism…”How can I use this for good”?

Let me know if this rocks your world too. Try it out. Let me know. If there is someone you think that could use this little sentence, please share it with them.

Biggest love

Jen

xx

P.S I’m preparing some Soul Sessions over the next few months. Flick me your email if you want to be notified. One of them is a femanine and masculine energy workshop, facilitated by a genius on this topic…on energy in any form actually. Another one is a make up application workshop. A bring your own make up gig for only 5 women. Nibbles and vino provided. Facilitated by a genius make up artist who will show us how to highlight our awesomeness!

 

 

 

Our Vibe Matters…Ask Him. He’ll Tell Ya!

At the moment I am funnelling as much of the writing that comes to me into my book at the moment, so I am not blogging as much as usual.

What a weird thing to write actually.

Anywhooooo, what I want to use this blog for is for me to practice my writing, to maybe facilitate a different way of seeing the world, to share stuff that moves me.

It is possible for the next few blogs, I might be sharing some potentially game changing resources with you. Stuff that has been game changing for me. Helping me follow my arrow in the direction of an extraordinary life.

I don’t know if you are familiar with Oprah’s Super Soul Sessions, but if you aren’t and you vibe with my stuff, do yourself a favour. Oprah invites folks who are passionate about living extraordinary lives and asks them to share their perspectives. Their views. Their ups and their downs. Their humanity. And they do.

BUT this link to Oprah’s soul Sessions, is not what I wanted to share. Not completely anyway.

Not long after ‘the operations’ in our home, I found myself seeking out spirit filling content. Energy giving. High vibe kind of stuff.  As I sauntered through Oprah’s most recent sessions, I recognised all the presenters. I watched one by one and felt my whole body shifting in small increments.

Over the next few days I would return to view the catalogue of lifers.

I saw Tony Robbins in the line up and after listening to him talk in many, many different settings on many different topics, I wondered if I would hear anything new form him. I mean, it is all much the same. Right?

Or so I thought.

The first potentially life altering talk, is his.

In this 90-ish minute presentation that I have now listened to at least once a week for a month, has completely chinked my armour of resistance.

I’m not going to say anymore. I don’t want to waste your time here…instead…I invite you to feel into his words.

Take notes.

Don’t take notes.

Watch it in the bath like I did the first time I viewed it.

Watch it in parts to digest it.

If, like me you value growth and have explored all kinds of modalities, it is unlikely there is anything in his talk that is new to you. But if like me you sometimes need a gentle reminder of what you do know, then this is going to vibe your little toes!

Creating an Extraordinary Life – Tony Robbins

“If you want to change your life today, forever, you gotta decide if you want to live in a beautiful state, even when people are unjust, even when someone rains on your parade, because that is the only thing you can control”.

Vibe high sweet ones. Your vibe matters!

Big love

Jen

xx

What I Do with Unsolicited Feedback.

Sweet one. I was reminded of something this morning, and so I wonder if it something you need reminded of as well.

You’re ok. You’re human – we all make mistakes. You will drop the ball sometimes. You’re not in this alone.

I am a bit of a creator kind. Not in an artist kind of way. But a just put stuff together kind of way. Stuff that I love and am passionate about.

And I create when I feel inspired. Groups. Books. Content. Gatherings. Blogs. Instagram posts.

Not much more than most people I guess. But I love it.

A while back I created this little group, filled with creators as well. Motivated and inspired.

Recently with some illness in my life, and illness in one of my little kid-lets life, some of my creations..well, I am sad to say had to take a back seat.

And not everyone gets that. And it isn’t fair to expect them to.

Today, I was reminded of my absence. I was reminded of where I was hard on myself for ‘dropping the ball’. I got a message today from someone who isn’t enjoying a group that I have created.

When I received it, I gotta say, it stung a little. I mean, feedback can sting when it isn’t glowing, right? Something you have created someone doesn’t like. Their expectations aren’t met. That can suck arse!

I have an old pattern of wanting to include everyone and make sure everyone is ok.

I have an old belief system that says, “everyone before you”.

And when I got ill, I had to really challenge this. Like really!

Making sure I try to keep everyone is happy is an old pattern. Making sure everyone is doing ok and if they aren’t, I would try to move heaven and earth to make sure they were ok.

People placating. People pleasing.

I would have never have thought that I was a people pleaser once upon a time. But it is years of paying attention to how I feel in certain interactions that I have become aware of it.

Making sure everyone else was looked after first. Then attend to my needs.

Can I life hack this for you? Let give you the tip first hand, that this will end up in exhaustion and depletion!

So, I get this message telling me they love the group…..BUT……and then of course, tells me their truth.

When I used to manage people for work, I would never take too kindly to someone coming to me with ‘problems without potential solutions’. You know..no ownership in the problem and or potential solutions for said problems.

This message didn’t have much in the solution department.

I read the message.

And my body reacts as it usually does when I feel like I have let someone down, or am being criticised or that someone isn’t ok with something I have done. And I have come to see that my body wants to react in one of two ways.

  1. It wants to defend. Stand up straight and get ready to use that razor sharp tongue to shut it down.
  2. It wants to hide. Get the hell away from it as fast as it can and pretend nothing is wrong.

And these are completely acceptable human responses.

But they aren’t responses that I am vining with much these days. They are like so 2015 😉

I have come to experience a 3rd way though. After a lot of ‘growing up’ and uprooting a lot of old beliefs.

I really like this third way and works so well for me most of the time. I have become really great mates with it. It has room for tweeks and improvements I am sure, but for now, I am in the groove with it.

It is a 4 step way. In REALLY big deals, I use 5…but I’ll fill you in on that if I need to use it going forward.

For now, this little thing needed my 4 little steps.

And it is this.

  1. Do not do anything….except breathe. Just notice all the human stuff that happens when we feel threatened. Afraid. Attacked….And just breathe. Deep. Feel the feelings that the scared little body is feeling. And breathe.

In really, really brutal attacks..I would reach out to my support crew.

Not call someone up and bitch about it. Not send a message to someone and tell them all about the horror and terror. Not spreading the issue.

Just breathe. To calm the system. To remind the body that there is in fact nothing to fear.

We have come to see that a modern day ‘feedback’ note can have what might be described as an ancestral reaction.

A modern day perceived threat triggers our oldest survival centres in our brain and we prepare to fight the perceived attack or run from the thing. But when we look, there is nothing there. Only an image we have in our heads of what it means to receive this ‘feedback’.

And with some breath, we can see, there is nothing there except a bunch of words and someone’s perception.

The second thing I do is a good old trick I learnt from my old mate Brene Brown. The flight and fight response is very similar to a shame attack. A feeling that we are bad in some way, and a ‘feedback’ note could in fact trigger old wounds around not being good enough, letting people down and being shit. But they are just my old wounds.

2. Own your story and ‘First draft’ it. This is a #truthbomb on steroids. The first draft is a letter written, usually by hand, to the dealer of the perceived threat. All your true feelings. How it feels in your body. Why you are feeling the way you are.

Some folks think that they will manifest something bad for the person they are writing about if they write it. But that isn’t your intention right. The INTENTION is to tell the truth about how you feel.

YOU OWN the feelings. No suppression. No hiding. No trying to be all ‘nice’ and ‘perfect’. Just telling the truth. When we bury the story, we stay forever in the subject of the story.

Once you tell the truth…you BURN THAT THING or run it under water and scrunch it up! No one except you needs to see it. Sometimes, if you are really hot and bothered, you might need 2 or 3 drafts….for your eyes only!

Phew. That feels better right? Telling the truth? And interestingly as you go through it, you see that it has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with how you received it!

The third thing is vital.

3. Inject compassion. Self compassion. Self kindness. Speak to yourself (out-loud if you need to like me) like you would to your best mate who is having a tough time.

“Jen, it’s ok. You haven’t done anything wrong. You are doing your best and not everyone is going to see that. Be kind to yourself Jen. This isn’t a big deal”. 

OH AND THIS FEEDBACK EXPERIENCE NEEDS A 3a..

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3a is UBER important when it comes to feedback. If you receive feedback from anyone, anyone at all…if they are not in the arena that you are in and not getting their but kicked..then their feedback needs scaled down ya’ll. I learnt that off my old mate Brene as well. Boom!

And finally, number 4. Act in a way that is in alignment with who you want to be. Me, I want to be brave and I want to be real. So, for me, in this case, after I did all my steps, I responded. Like a grown up. Without the tantrum of my first draft. I didn’t try to fix anything.

I commended them on their bravery to provide feedback in the first place. And I meant it. I know it takes courage to speak up. To speak out. And I am totally in awe of that!

Then, I gave 3 possible options they could consider taking themselves. Often we look to others to ‘fix’ perceived problems without really wanting to be part of the solution. It is certainly easier to point the finger at someone and tell them what they are doing wrong, instead of acting in a way that you would like to see.

Remember that good old quote, “Be the change you want to see in the world”. Thanks Ghandi wise person!

Waiting around for others to make your like the way you want it will 100% of the time end in disappointment.

Thank god for the feedback, or what would I have written about today I wonder??

AND I can look to improve the experience, because if they are feeling it, it is quite possible others are as well. What a winning kind of day! x

Forward step!

Big love

Jen

xx

I was THAT kid.

I was the kid at school always told to stop talking.

I was the kid who in fact, loved to talk back to the teachers.

I was the one asking questions.

I was the ‘smart mouth’ that was quick to shut down folks if they were ‘having a go’.

I was the kid who was in the plays at school and loved it.

I was the kid who loved the debate team.

I loved giving presentations in front of the class.

In grade 8, when everyone else was really self conscious, I was doing stand up comedy routines.

In grade 9, when no one wanted to stand in front of the class, I was lead in the play.

I liked to use my voice.

But I still wanted to stay small.

I didn’t want to stand out too much.

I didn’t want too much attention.

Grade 10, in math class, my math teacher pulled me aside after class one day and said, “Jenny, you would be really great at maths if you just stopped talking”. And she was right. I did do pretty good at math when I focussed. But I had to push at it. Work at it. It certainly wasn’t effortless.

Like talking.

 

When I moved from a small country town to the big smoke of the Gold Coast, I transitioned easily.

When the grade 7 bully wanted to ‘meet me on the basketball courts’ to ‘talk’, I went without a bit of hesitation.

My voice seemed to get me in an around any challenge.

As a child, I stood in my room, hairbrush to mouth and gave various speeches. I just liked to talk.

The kids at school, after watching a play I was performing in, would say things like, “That is the best live play I have seen” and “One day we will see you up on the big stage”.

In high school I got A plus after A plus in speech and drama. It was easy. Effortless.

In university I loved giving presentations. One particular day, after I had shown a group presentation video we had prepared, one of the mature age students said, “Far out Jen, you have missed your calling”.

Performing. Using my voice have always been a natural thing for me. Effortless it is to get up and speak in front of a group (most of the time).

Recently I have had the opportunity to see where I am ‘good’ at things. I’ve been doing an inventory on where I am competent and capable and where I am effortless.

Acting was never an option for me, as much as I loved it. Or so I believed when I was young.

I wanted to have a ‘stable’ job. I didn’t want to have to rely on anyone for support. I wanted to be independent.

And  truth be told I never thought I was good enough. I know I had glimpses though….

I could I suppose, feel a deep sense of regret that I didn’t choose that route. That I ‘missed’ out. That I have ‘wasted’ my life.

But I don’t. And I do.

I just feel so grateful that it comes easily to me to use my voice. One on one, in groups settings, in larger groups.

I am however, aware that much of my life I have been pushing in ‘math class’. Trying to focus on stuff that I “can” be good at. And for the most part, I am pretty good at a bunch of stuff.

This year, I had the opportunity to know what it feels like to be really afraid that I might not be able to do the stuff I love. And it was a shake up. A different kind of wake up. A walk the talk (pardon the pun) kinda deal.

I’m a great communicator (mostly..hubby would beg to differ).

Those folks who over my life have called me ‘opinionated’ and ‘outspoken’ and ‘bossy’ and ‘just can’t keep her mouth shut’…to them I say thank you.

You are right. I am all those things and they are not a bad thing.

They mean that I wont be suppressed.

I write about lots of stuff. I write about a lot of personal stuff. And a lot of stuff I don’t.

Why?

Mostly because I can.

I want to share my life experiences. Not just because it might help someone else navigate their way, but because I can.

And because I can, I will. In fact….I must.

It is me in this incarnation. The one who speaks up. The one one has their say. The one who supports others to have theirs too.

So, here is to using our voices…and in the mission of Simone De Haas, “changing the world one conversation at a time”.

Here is to us sharing our stories.

Here is to us being imperfect. And busted off pedestals. And being brave enough to be ourselves. Even if people throw fruit from the bleachers.

And maybe we change nothing. Not a thing.

But you know, the price is just too high for me not to do what comes effortless to me.

What I love to do.

And I want to use my voice more. Not to fill the air with soul-less words, but meaningful speak.

Frankly I am done sitting in math class pushing at something that in no way interests me. I’m too old and too tired for that.

Effortless is where I am headed….

Next challenge begins soon. And I am ready!

Forward.


You Ain’t That Different to Me….

Half way through the year, its easy to think you are way off course…

Can you believe it is nearly July? Jooo-lie. You lie…:D I wish I lie!

 

But here we are. I am right here with you.
We are now well over half way through the year and it is a really great time to check in and have a wee review of the year thus far.

 

It is tempting for the mind to go to all the things that we haven’t yet attended to, all the stuff that hasn’t been completed, the failings, the things that went to shit, or didn’t go anywhere at all…..all the stuff.

 

I find it easy to review and think, “well, nothing went to plan at all…what the frangipani actually happened?”

 

If you are like me and have a year or even a few years of ‘not going to plan’, and like me you wonder if you are on the right path because of all the obstacles that have been thrown up….I just wanted to pop in and explore the possibility that things not going to plan IS the plan!
So lets all take a big arse inhale and exhale and open up to the possibility that all of this stuff is exactly what is meant for you to experience.

 

Maybe you’ll remember that there is nothing outside of yourself you can control. The only control we have, is over whether we see things are negatively impacting us or positively shaping us.

 

Some life shit is really difficult to understand at the time, I know….one step at a time, one decision at a time, one breath at a time…and soon you will understand what the professor of pain and discomfort has come to teach you.
  Whatever you are facing right now, you can deal with it. Because you are that person. I know you are, because you’re not that different to me.

 

Keep breathing. Keep planning. Keep having stuff in the way of the plan.

 

Big love.
Jen
xx
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This Dinner All Our Kids Agree On….

Here is the yummy dinner our kids ask for (and mum and dad like too)

 

Popcorn Chicken with Sweet Potato and Slaw

 

Turn oven on to 200 degrees celsius to warm up.

 

Popcorn chicken

 

500g free range chicken tenderloins
1 cup of plain flour in a bowl
2 eggs in another bowl
1-2 cups Panko Crumbs in a large container
2 tsp dried oregano in with the crumbs
2 tsp onion powder in with the crumbs
2 tsp garlic powder in with the crumbs
2tbs butter
1/4 cup grape-seed oil or another heat tolerant vegetable oil.

 

Cut up chicken into 2-3cm bits
Put cut up bits of chicken in flour until all chicken covered.
Do same in egg
Then into the crumbs and shake the container until all the chicken covered.
**Set aside and get ready to cook once the sweet potato in the oven.

 

Heat up the oil and butter in a pan on medium heat.
When up to heat, place the chicken in in batches. About 3 minutes on each side depending on how thick the chicken is.
When cooked, place on a board with handy towels on it to absorb some of the juice.
Sweet Potato Chips

 

3 medium sweet potatoes cut lengthways into chips segments
put in a medium bowl
Toss in grape-seed oil and oregano and salt
Place in a single layer on a baking tray and place in heated oven for 15-20 mins until soft and slightly crispy.

 

Coleslaw

 

1/2 Asian Cabbage finely chopped
1/4 Purple Cabbage finely chopped
2 medium carrots food processed or julienned
1 apple food processed or julienned
4 shallots finely chopped
1/2 cup chopped coriander (omit if you hate)

 

Dressing 

 

3 tablespoons natural yogurt
2 tsp lemon
Heaped tsp of English Mustard
1-2 tablespoons white wine vinegar
Drizzle of olive oil.
salt and pepper
Mix all together and toss through the slaw
Serve and enjoy the nourish!!!!

 

big love
xxx

Seperation, Connection and a Book or Two.

When was the last time you were in a library or a book store? How do you feel when you are in them? What draws you there?

I was in both today. Did you know I’m writing a book? Yep. It’s out there…again. I have been trying very hard to get what is in me into a book thing. I’ve tried like a gazillion times.

This week, I found my flow. I found my way. And I found he way forward..I think 😉

Today around the books I felt inspired instead of intimidated. Instead of comparing myself to the authors, looking for their letters after their names and all the stuff that makes them ‘good enough’ to write a book… it struck me.

If you stand eye to eye with those books, you stand eye to eye with their authors. We stand eye to eye with the humans who sat or stood in front of their writing machines, to put all of those perspectives, ideas, experiences on those pages.

All of us, ALL of us is an accumulation of our experiences. Experiences that no one else can or will have in the same way you or I will. And in the moment, all of those experiences accumulate to make us who we are. And from this place I write, they unfold.

The experiences come into our realm and through us they transform. We transform. We evolve. We create.

Don’t you find that so profound?

All of those people, just trying to find their own unique way in the world?

They are no different to you or me.

If we were to stand in front of their authors and looks t them in the eyes, and remove all the eternal comparisons and all the stories that came before each of us, who is left standing looking at each other? If we remove the judgements of skin colour and gender and height and weight….who stands before you?

Who?

Who stands before us is us.

Organisms that have been created to love out a unique experience. A unique experience. And the power in that experience is the curiosity of both our own experience and the experience of others.

Here’s a challenge for the weekend if you are up to it.

At some point over the weekend, go out and walk a street filled with people and look at those people without judgement and see how hard it is.

See how fast your brain wants to judge people.

You might look at folks and judge them because they are walking while looking on their phone. Notice what happens when you judge. Notice in your body.

You might judge someone as to how they have put their outfit together. Ask yourself, “am I looking at the person, or at their external stuff”?

You might judge someone because they choose to drink alcohol or smoke. Again, what does it feel like? And do you feel more curious about them, or more separated from them?

The external judgement is what keeps you and I separated from them and for each other.

When was the last time you were at the beach? I was there today. And it struck me again.

What if we are each our own wave. Each forming out of a collective ocean, each expressing itself in it’s own unique way? You and me waves. Constantly in flux. Forming out of the same ocean. Not competing with each other, but just rising and falling.

If you are feeling like you aren’t special or there is nothing important about you or your experience, your mind is keeping you small. Isolated. Separated.

If for a moment, if just for a tiny second you consider that you are here purposefully, to have your own unique life experience and share that with others, you create a crack in the shell that keeps you hidden. And safe.

Once there is a crack, you can gently keep emerging. Peeking out.

Can I remind you on this Friday, if you are being hard on yourself for mistakes you have made, or choices you made or didn’t make, nothing in your experience is wasted.

Please don’t live you life in spite of what you have been through, live your life fully BECAUSE of what you have been through.

You are important. Your life is important. And so is theirs. So is ours. All of us. Once we drop the judgement…can you see it? Can you see it out of your shell?

Today, lets invite some curious energy in and drop the judgement about ourselves and others for a while.

I wonder, what must it be like for you in your world.

I would so love to hear.

You know where I am fellow human. I am walking along beside you, in silence honouring your journey.

Big love

xxx