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189 Days Since my Last Drink.

If you have been following my writings, you will know that since June, I haven’t had a drink. No, not true. I haven’t had an alcoholic drink! Not one. Not even a sip!

Initially it was set as an experiment to see if I could actually make it until 2018. Just because I had never gone that long without a drink, since being an adult.

But what I have come to see, when ‘letting go’ of some habits, is that there were and are A LOT of habits that my body just says NO to.

Because I am a sensitive soul, I feel a lot of stuff. And I give a fuck about a lot of stuff. Too much, I have come to see.

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5 Steps to a Breakthrough

I love the work of Tony Robbins. I have read so much of his stuff, watched hours and hours of his work and listened to so much of his wisdom on CD’s and podcasts. And next year I hope to attend one of his seminars! #onthelist

If you haven’t heard of Tony Robbins, you might want to do yourself a favour and get acquainted. He is a powerhouse, a game changer and a man on a mission to help folks undo their pain and live a full out life!

As always, I love to share stuff that has a positive impact on my life and so I want to share this.

Here are Tony Robbins 3 steps to a breakthrough. You can listen to the whole chat here: 5 Steps to a Breakthrough .

  1. A strategy. A new strategy. A new way to do something. A new way to get a result. A different result. A better result. A strategy is like a recipe. If you follow the recipe what will happen? You get the result. Who’s life would you like to follow their recipe? Who is getting the results you want? Talk to them. Find out their recipe. If you want to be more joyous and playful, you wouldn’t be going to someone who is depressed or bitter would you? If you want to know how to navigate tough times, would you go to someone who has never shared their difficulties?
  2. The Story. If your story is, “I’m big boned” or “I’ve tried everything”….The story is going to define what decision you make next. Even if it is true…it is not an effective story if you aren’t changing the behaviour. Stories give us a reason to turn away from our discomfort. It can keep us from going to the edge and limiting us.
  3. Your State. Your emotional presence. Can you recall a time when you were so hurt and depressed in your life. Perhaps it was a time when you were hurt by someone else actions? When you recall that, do you feel energised and light and vibrant and ready to achieve your dreams? Or do you feel heavy and bitter and angry? Or what about when you were first in love. How did that feel? What was your state? High vibe? Positive? Gushy? Motivated? And when you are in this state, nothing is a drama is it?
  4. Your Focus. What you focus on, totally affects your life. Whatever you focus on you are going to feel, even if it’s not true. If you are watching the news and all like, “Oh my god, the planet it going to hell”, don’t you start to feel like hell? Or are you watching the news and be like, “wow, there is some shizzle going down, how can I help?” how might this feel? Focus = feeling. Focus = direction. Focus shapes everything? What’s the problem though? Most of us don’t control our focus and instead let the world control it. What do you focus on regularly? What you can control or what you can’t control? If you focus on what you can’t control, you’re likely to wind up depressed. Do you focus on what you have, or what is missing in your life? Do you focus on the future, the present or the past? If you focus on the past, it is likely to depress you and take your energy. A happy human being usually lives in the present.
  5. Your meaning. What does this mean? How do you ascribe meaning to what you are experiencing? If you were to have an event happen that caused you great pain, does it feel different if you create the meaning that you were cursed, or gifted? What do you make up in your head. Is this the end or the beginning? Oprah is the master of meaning. What meaning to you assign to your life experiences? Are they all part of the adventure, or all designed to punish you and keep you in suffering? What meaning are you making up in your head?

And then….off this, we have to decide how we are going to act.

This podcast by Tony is well worth the listen folks. Well worth the listen. xx

Here is to sharing more of the stuff we love. I’d love to hear…what is you love? What is it you want to share more of?

Jen
XX

 

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5 Ways Criticism is Holding You Back

Criticism. Argh. Right? Have you noticed how much of it is in the world?

We hate being at the receiving end of it. And yet, there is this strange thing I have noticed about humans….they love participating in it! Tell me if I am wrong here!

Recently I noticed that I wanted to be in the space for more criticism to come to me. Not to hurt me, but to grow me. To prove that I am not afraid of words outside of myself. And I certainly wasn’t afraid of shiz slingers!

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Just a Pebble on the Beach

The ocean. Vast. Powerful. Forever in flux. Breathing. Exhaling. Inhaling.

Have you ever watched the waves roll in and out and in it’s movement? Deeply? Have you watched it tumble to little pebbles along the waterline? I sat. For ages recently. And just watched the little pebbles.

Tumbling. Flipping. And as the wave hits, they move fast. Spinning. Turing. Rolling. Fast.

And then, the wave retreats and the pebbles lay on the sand. Basking in the sun.

I imagine that if they were human, this would be where they catch their breath. Stare at the sky. Feel the warmth from the sun. Until the next wave hits and they are spun and tumbled again.

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Oh Social Media. Now THIS is a Healthy Relationship.

Social media and I have formed a new relationship.

Prior to the last couple of months, we had a bit of a…contentious relationship. I felt like it was always interrupting me. Always wanting my attention. Needy. It would keep me engaged in mind numbing activity for ages. It was available all.the.time. I blamed social media for my tiredness, my frustration, my scattered mind.

The time that we have had a part, I have come to see that it was me who didn’t have very healthy boundaries in place. And it had nothing actually to do with social media. Surprise, surprise!

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I Knew I Knew. I Just Needed to Trust it…

The proof is in the pudding they say. Not even sure what that means. I just looked it up and it means that you can only judge the quality of something if you have tried or experienced it.

Now that we all understand the meaning of that (okay, so it is maybe just me who now understands it), I want to share the proof of following my intuition and asking for what I need.

Did you read about my loooonnnngg road to finally receive the first major treatment toward regaining my whole health? If you didn’t, it’s here.

It is the first step of many. Many I have already taken, and maybe this feels like a leap.

I am so excited to say, that that iron infusion I had because of my low ferritin…I have had AMAZING results.

Those periods where I felt like I was haemorrhaging…well, I am excited to say that my period began on Monday this week and 3 days later it was completely finished.

Whoopdy-do you may say. Mine are always like that, you may say.

Well, for me, since 2011 I have had 5 days of very heavy bleeding…at the very least!

On the fifth day of this last period, I was having a bath! Something I haven’t been able to do until about day 10 in 6 years!

Again, whooped-do, you may say.

This has been a very invasive and pervasive experience for me for so long. And to finally have a very un-invasive period is just, well, life changing for me! It has proven what I always knew to be true, but just couldn’t get anyone on my side to support me.

I am guttered that I had to experience this very easy to be fixed shit arse thing for so long, and I am guttered that anyone else may have had to experience the same thing.

For all those women who felt like they needed to have a hysterectomy, or an ablation or have a thing jammed into their uterus because of heavy periods…I am guttered.

This is more than just an iron infusion. This is the validation that I knew what I needed and it took me to truly back myself and not take no for an answer, that has restored the biggest power in me.

And while I am not suggesting that this could or will work of everyone, it is potentially life changing and I am going to be doing so much more research in this area and feel I am going to be speaking about this health game A LOT more.

So, step one is to alleviate the stress on my body because of this blood loss. Check. The next is to repair the adrenals and the thyroid that have been working overtime to compensate for the high degree of stress…in process. And then the next step is to share this stuff with as many women as I can speak to.

If you or someone you know is having a hard time with stress, or heavy periods, or slow metabolism…I would love to hear from you. I want to gather more information. I want to hear from the silent sufferers who feel like they have been overlooked, or have tried ‘everything’ and still feel like shit.

Women, lets talk, women to women. And talk about the real stuff that affects us. And lets see if we can use our collective wisdom to offer support and healing to a very exhausted segment of our population!

The body speaks to us so loudly at times and it is our conditioning and inability to really trust ourselves as not just ask, but demand that we are supported with what we need that keeps women feeling powerless and helpless.

It is a call to remember our own inner wisdom and not only listen, but trust it and follow it.

I write here as an advocate for us women trusting our inner guidance system and using our voice and our support networks to stand up and say, “NO, I know…..”

This inner guidance system I know I have shut down a lot through my life, and as of this time, I am committed to never doing it again….no matter!  

You know where I am. Love to hear from you!

Until we next meet, trust your inner guidance system.

Big love
Jen
xxx

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Sorry? You Want to Burn my Bits?

Today. Today was GAME.CHANGING! Completely! I got exactly what I needed.

Now, if you choose to settle in to read this (grab a cuppa something), know that there is some rant-age in here. There is a wee bit of discharging energy. A lot of frustration released. And I am owning and and speaking up anyway!

But right now….I am seriously having one of those OH MY FREAKING GOD moments.

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Song for You This Monday

You know I love me some vibes. And I just love sharing them!

Here are some tunes for your to savour for this Monday.

If you are feeling blah!

This is a reggae vibe. Thanks Michael Franti.
Written for you and me. Thanks Yuna!
Time to lift it up! Thanks Macklemore

If you feel swoonish and snuggly.

We can take the world…Thanks Johnnyswim.
Hold the lantern..Thanks India Bourne

If you feel like giving up

Mmmm, love me some of this…Thanks First Aid Kit
Anthem. YES!! Thanks Andra Day
Lift up. Thanks Andrea Faustini

When it is time to let go of those held back feelings (not for listening in public). 

Take it all in and let it all out. Thanks Olivia
And lay down and listen. Thanks Enya.
You didn’t..now you do. Thanks Andrea Faustini

If you would like a song just for you, just message me. I love gifting them. You just have to ask. That is the only condition…

Until next we meet, life is made up of energy. How are you using yours?

Big love
Jen
xx

 

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I Feel Like Having a Drink…

Tonight, I feel like a drink. Like proper feel like one.

It’s been 108 days.

Today, while talking to a friend, was the first time that I actually felt like a drink. And as I sit here now, I am distracted with the idea of a tall glass of wine sitting to the right of me. Red wine. 3/4 glass filled.

I used to write with a wine. I used to cook with a wine. I used to socialise with a wine. I used to look at the clock and think or even say out loud after a loud sigh, “is it too early for a drink”?

This was not that many days ago that I did that.

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Me too #metoo. Me too…..

For the most part, my relationship status with Facebook is set to “On a Break”. Yesterday I checked back in for my scheduled bi-weekly Facebook exploration. I set my timer for 30 minutes. I responded to the posts I had been tagged in, wrote a post or two, read a couple of saved articles from last week and checked on our Mother and Daughter Connection Day event, oh and posted on the same event page. That took like 7 minutes.

The rest of the time I just scrolled around.

I noticed a few things..

  1. I have awesome Facebook friends. I have such positive Facebook friends. SO many inspiring posts. SO many gorgeous pics of holidays. SO much damn awesomeness!
  2. I can use Facebook very time effectively if I focus!
  3. Oh and my god…I was blown away by the realness and rawness of #metoo that seemed to be all over social media. Completely saddened and completely touched.

This #metoo is both troubling and yet it feels like a collective exhale. Women who have been quiet in their shame because of a culture that says this kind of thing is ok are now finding their voices.

These women are bravely stepping forward and sharing their stories, their truths, their boundary violations.

This is not blaming men directly. We are all participating in the development of cultural norms. We are all responsible for how we choose to use the circumstances that life presents us.

And it seems for a very long time, women have brushed off ‘innocent flirtation’ and “Oh don’t be so sensitive, we’re just mucking around love” and “nice tits” and “wanna f*ck”?  and “how about it love”? and bum slaps and boob grabs and groping and interpreting “No” as “Ah, you’ll be screaming yes before you know it…” as just part of our culture.

I have heard things said like, “it’s natural for me to behave this way”. I have heard others say, “think yourself lucky you get any attention at all”.

I learnt pretty early on, that if you wanted to be loved by a man, you have to be sexual.

My first sexual experience, sadly, was with my step father (who at the time I was lead to believe was my biological father).

I was 9.

And despite all the therapy and self help and personal growth and work I have done around this, it still creeps me out. It still makes me feel nauseous and I just caught my face and body tight as I type this.

That set me up for a distorted view of what it meant to be loved by a man. That sexual attention was actually love. So, that is how I sought love.

I have more #metoo moments than I care to write about actually. And while I know that none of those moments were my fault, I have come to see that people will go to all kinds of lengths to feel love and belonging.

So I can see how confusing it is for men and for women. Wounded girls seeing attention from distorted and culturally wounded boys.

I grew up in a culture and clearly a family that didn’t talk about healthy boundaries. About body awareness and care. About self love and acceptance. About what it ok and what is not okay. I never heard anyone speaking to boys about respecting girls or it ever really being demonstrated how to honour a woman.

I wonder why we didn’t?

Or perhaps our culture was talking about it, I just didn’t hear it. I didn’t hear it because I was still in a shame closet.

Regardless, this #metoo movement if that is what it is called is an opportunity for us all to pause for a moment and feel a collective outpouring of years and years of suppression.

And for me personally, it is a massive reminder of the absolute necessary education I want to provide for all of our children.

To our girls who will become women, to honour and own their sexuality, their power and their femininity and to set very clear ‘this is okay and this is not okay’ settings. To stand with each other, woman with woman and not woman against woman.

To our son, who will become a man, to honour and respect his own sexuality. To understand the power of his physicality and to understand what it means to be a man.

This #metoo-ness has woken me up to the desperate need for us to be not just talking about all the stuff that it is to be human, but sharing our stories. And in sharing, have our stories listened to and be really heard and seen. To lift the dark veil of shame. And collectively, come together to offer a compassionate space for all our hearts to rest.

I am also reminded that there is SUCH power in those two little words. ME TOO. To simply know that we are not alone in this, that we are not the only ones, is a lifeline that I know I have griped to many a time on my life journey.

If this #metoo has triggered feelings of discomfort and other emotions you feel overwhelmed by, please reach out. Reach out. There are people waiting to listen.