Hey sweet one!
Recently I’ve been exploring (and noticing more and more in conversations) about what it feels like to undo old patterns and notice things in our lives that used to serve us, and now no longer do.
It might be friendships, intimate relationships, jobs, places where folks live.
The mere questioning of what suits us can sometimes (usually) feel really unsettling.
This of course makes sense, because when we begin to question patterns that have kept things ‘safe’ and ‘familiar’ the nervous system (which is designed to keep us safe) starts to freak out…
Each week (ish) I receive a very brief email from the team at Martha Beck Wayfinding Life Coaching (definitely worth subscribing to).
This week, the ‘compass point’ read,
“Learn to choose what nourishes you, not what poisons you”. Martha Beck
Initially, when it’s read, it seems a bit like, “well duh, doesn’t it make sense that we’d choose what nourishes over what poisons”?
I was having a chat with a fellow practitioner recently and she was really feeling the feels around folks who are simply not willing to accept help. She was feeling super frustrated that she had been doing so much to try to support a human who was simply not willing to do the work.
After a long and very helpful cathartic ‘owning her story’ we got into the rumble.
Someone asked me the other day, “What was the first personal growth book you ever read”?
You would think that it would pop straight to my mind in the same way I can recall the first personal growth workshop I ever did.
I couldn’t pin it down. I have read so many books, and so many of them have impacted me. The first one…..
“I am pretty sure it was Tuesday’s with Morrie” stumbled out of my mouth. “That isn’t really a personal growth or self help book though is it”? Came the reply.
“Well, maybe you should read it again”!
Hi beauty! Let’s talk stickiness shall we?
Being ‘stuck’. Getting ‘stuck’. I’m stuck.
I can’t tell you how many times Ive felt like that in my life. And I can’t tell you how many folks I have worked with who have felt the same.
I’ve stood in front of mentor groups, and mirrors and been sitting in the car and said the words, “I just feel stuck”. I’ve sat in groups of people who have done the same. I have sat across from countless folks, slumped shoulders, head down, exhaling heavy. “I just feel stuck”.
|If you are an adult, it likely that you have not done this in a while. |
So, this is an interactive message. As in, I literally am inviting you to hit reply and answer me this.
When was the last time you, just you, not attached to something to do with your children, or you partner or your work…but just you did something new?
Okay, hit reply and let me know. You’re done!
If you are still reading, then it’s likely you are like many adults.
You are an adult who is probably specialised at adulting! Doing all the things that are for all the people, and making sure the needs of others are attended.
I cannot tell you how many times, my mind has had me in all kinds of expectation spills over the years.
Expectations of other people. And as a recovering control freak, I used to have pretty high expectations of how people ‘should’ behave in the world.
The bar was pretty high.
People ‘should’ get back to me when I message them.
They ‘should’ just know that when they say that I will feel like this.
It’s a kind of passive aggressive way of saying, “if you behave like that, I will feel like this, and instead of me actually taking responsibility and making a choice that supports me, I will blame you because you are flawed and are triggering me”.
It wasn’t until I found the work of Byron Katie that my little mind started to shift. In a positive direction.
Actually, there really is one reason that folks don’t move forward. Fear. But let’s break it down to the top 4 was fear shows up, preventing us from moving forward.
Comparison. Procrastination. Distraction. Perfectionism.
- Comparison. What are they doing? How are they better than me? Is mine as good, as big as nice as theirs?
I absolutely have been crippled by this one in the past! No doubt about it.
But here is what I know to be true. When I compare myself, it 100% of the time never leaves me feeling particularly good. And, when I don’t feel good, I don’t create good. Period.
Recently I have been thinking a bit. Which, for me isn’t uncommon, but yet, lately, I have been thinking even more deeply. More abstractly. And on reading it, may even seem more negatively.
I’ve been thinking about how not that long ago in human history, woman were literally killed, burnt at the stake, shames and vilified for their desire to help the humans, by using methods like intuition, herbs, plants, feeling.
I’ve been thinking how this vilification and shaming is most likely still a part of our DNA and those of us who are healing support folks, are most likely carrying some kind of witch wound.
….but I understand trigger things. So, even though I am not a raving fan, I am maybe…kinda…a tiny bit…friends with triggers.
Well, today anyway.
And I’m not talking about gun triggers…although, if I sit with that a bit, actually gun triggers do trigger me a little. Guns most certainly do.