Today, I have a bit to say, so we are going to get right to it! Grab a cup of tea and settle in.
Let me ask you….what is Mastery?
Mastery in the most simple terms is something that you know how to do SO well you could literally do it in your sleep. Well maybe not literally!
Don’t you just love watching athletes at the olympics? It’s one of my fave things to watch.
The speed of the runners, the hight of the high jumpers, the flips and twists by the gymnasts. I watch and I’m like….. “HOWWWWWW”?
They look effortless!
They have this talent, and this way they do the things and they do stuff that just looks like it is no problem. It just looks easy!
Have you seen people like this too?
Doesn’t it feel just AMAZING to watch right?
And we know that these people didn’t just wake up one morning and head off to the Olympics.
We know that there are hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hourssssssssssss that go in to developing that kind of mastery. Right?
To get to that level of Mastery there are 3 very distinct phases.
Now, let me remind you that they are human, and so are we, so that means we have to go through the phases too to achieve Mastery of our lives too!
The first phase all of us encounter is the EXCITEMENT PHASE!
This is the “OH MY GOD, IT’S JANUARY FIRST…YESSSSSS. This year it’s going to be easy. I’m going to the gym, I’m going to hire a personal trainer, and a life coach and I’m only going to eat whole foods and I am going to be so fit and healthy, people are going to be shocked”.
It’s the phase when you are feeling on the brink of something great, that something is going to change, you are going to change and things are never going to be the same again.
For me, it used to occur right after I had experienced some kind of soul aligned training, and I’d be all like, “Yes, I got this, and I’m going to do this and talk about this and teach this thing and that thing and this will happen and that will happen and yeeeahhhha it’s going to be fucking brilliant”.
In this phase when fear shows up it’s usually a case of “F*ck you fear, I’m gong to put your in my protein smoothie and eat your for breakfast. You are not getting me THIS time”.
Excitement phase is like crack cocaine I am sure (not that I have tried cocaine). It feels like such a high. Invincible.
“For real I am doing it this time…NO, FOR REAL. I mean it this time. I know I have said it before, but this time is different. I’ve got this. I don’t need any help. I am all over it”.
The good old excitement phase.
How long does that phase last?
Who feels like that they have had a whole lot of excitement phases in their lives and yet, nothing really meaningful stuck?
Who feels like they have experienced getting all excited and then it started to get a bit hard, and then they shiny-pennied over there or decided that it was too hard and so they went back to doing all the same, comfortable things again?
Who has experienced getting excited and it got tough and so they bailed and went somewhere else and got excited and then it got uncomfortable again and then off somewhere else to get excited….
Lots of half arsed excitement and then when they start to complain becasue they aren’t getting anywhere they say things like, “I have tried EVERYTHING…I’ve done this and this and this and still no results”.
Yes you’ve tried a lot of things except STICKING WITH IT!
So, excitement is fun, and I mean who doesn’t like fun?
But then, after a while the most important phase presents itself, RESISTANCE PHASE.
THIS is the most important phase.
This is where we are all excited about the thing we are going to do and all in it and then, we hit this thing that feels like, “holy shit, what the hell is this..it’s don’t feel so good anymore”.
We say things to ourselves (and maybe others) like, “this is harder than I thought it was going to be”, and “it’s so scary, I am going to withdraw and isolate, it’s too hard so I am going to go and chase another shiny penny or just give up instead of following through on this thing that I made a decision to do and you know what, this is just like everything else and all the other times I have done it. You know, it is just the story of my life. I said I wasn’t going to do it, and I f*cking did it again. F*ck. I’m such a loser. Dickhead. No hope”
I wonder if you, like me have ever hot a resistance phase (let me know if you have so I know I am not alone).
What people tend to do when it gets hard is that they tend to stop in resistance.
But resistance is the name of the game.
How well you deal with resistance….that will determine how far you will go.
Think about this.
Resistance is weight training.
If I am wanting to increase my muscle mass, and tone, I am going to have to apply resistance to build it.
Yoga…if you have tried it, you know that your body will resist you. You don’t want to push it too far, but you want to move to the edge where it gets a little uncomfortable to improve right?
Improvement in anything happens when we move beyond the place that is uncomfortable.
The work in your life and your purpose BEGINS when the discomfort sets in.
NOT when you start the thing.
Well, how do we navigate resistance?? Good question.
We have to learn to anticipate it and set ourselves up.
You cannot lie to yourself to think that you can do it by yourself. YOU CANNOT DO IT BY YOURSELF. Ohhhh, trust me, I have tried y’all.
Everybody needs support.
And if you are reading this, my guess is that you are probably SUPER great at taking care of other people! BUT, you are not so great at having other people take care of you!
Am I right?
Or are you someone who says, “I can’t wait to ask for help! ?”
If you are really honest, are you someone who finds asking for help and support hard, and awkward and offensive and easy to make excuses not to?
You are not alone!
But learning how to ask for help is the name of the game.
It takes team work to make the dream work!
You can’t do it in isolation.
Now, what happens if you bust through this resistance phase…you stick with it, you have support, you have a tribe, you have mentors, you are getting consistent feedback, you have having your beliefs challenged, you are doing the work, taking the steps with the discomfort, you are getting the hang of things, you are starting to feel a little more confident….
Have you noticed when you get to the end of something you forget how hard it was in the middle.
That is where you experience Mastery!
You know after you have been pregnant for 9 looonnng months, with all the vomiting and pain and discomfort and then having to birth the human just before you get to the end you’re like, ‘that’s it, I am not doing this again’….and then a few months or more down the track you’re like, “hmmm, maybe we should have another”…
Or have you every thought you wanted to try something that seemed really hard, and then you do it and afterwards you’re like, “oh that was no big deal”.
At the end, you say things like, I can’t believe I doubted myself, I was such an arsehole to myself….
CHALLENGE IS HOW WE GROW!
After we do tough stuff we can say, yeah, I am showing up, I am asking for help, I have a tribe around me, I know I can’t do it on my own, and this is a lifestyle….not a habit!
A habit is something we can do over 21 days, 60, 90 days, but a lifestyle takes a year or more to create!
Habit = one thing you do in your life. Like getting up early to meditate.
Lifestyle = all the quadrants of your life are rated at an 8/10 or above.
But how do you get there?
The same way you eat a whole watermelon.
One bite at a time.
We take one step at a time.
If you want a habit change, do it for 30 days but if you want a lifestyle change, do the things from now on!
When I went to my first personal growth immersion, I decided that I wanted to live like I was in a growth immersion.
And I am either learning or teaching.
I learn, I teach. I learn, I teach.
I create the environment that supports what I love.
Long term, you cannot change your life by going to a 4 day seminar. Sure, you will learn and connect and grow, but when you leave, you need to make the environment supportive to implement the things you learn.The people you hang with. Who you are surrounded by. Are they encouraging you? Are they focussed on living their best lives? Are they trying shit and failing and learning about themselves? Are they encouraging you to be your best? Do they celebrate your wins with you, and get on the floor and help you up when you are down?
Long term you are not going to get six pack abs by doing a weekend crash course in crunches.
What will set you up is environment more than belief.
More than affirmations too.
You can change a habit and not have a lifestyle shift.
So, who really wants a lifestyle shift?
Phase 1. This shit is going to be great. Life is going to be fucking awesome. I got it. Let’s go! This is uniformed optimism.
Phase 2. You take the leap and it isn’t fucking working. It’s bullshit. I hate it. They were wrong. And then people around you start agreeing with you that it is bullshit because they are used to it being that way too. They will help you decide to go do something else. Not because they are bad, but because they want to keep you safe. But if you keep avoiding the resistance, usually you wind up in a divine storm.
A divine storm is where all of life is against you. Money is drying up. Your body starts breaking down. You are like what the fuck is happening? What did I do that is so bad? FFS, the universe hates me!
Have you been through a divine storm before?
What did it feel like?
It fucking sucks right?
At this point, in a divine storm you can completely shut down or you can get curious.
If you hit this point, seriously, it is time to celebrate.
You are right on the verge of a breakthrough.
The truth is you have never been closer to transformation.
You’ve never been more motivated.
Here’s the beauty of a divine storm.
Humans, by nature, seldom automatically invest in prevention.
We invest in pain relief.
We seldom see a therapist when life is going great to ‘set us up’ for good mental health.
We very rarely have acupuncture for health maintenance.
We usually only seek support when things get reaaaaaallllly shit. So shit that you HAVE to ask for help!
Fuck I know this journey…#iamsostubborn
Humans tend to take action when we are in pain, not when all is well. When all is well, are we motivated?
Not really, we are just coasting.
If you have pain in your life right now, if you are at a place where you know things are working and you are saying ‘holy shit what do I do’, you can either say, “i am going to isolate, and withdraw, life is against me, people are shit heads”…..or You could say, “hmmm, well it’s possible I have landed in so much pain to finally move my ass, and do something about it.
Have you ever stayed in a relationship waaaaaaay too long?
Have you ever stayed at a soul sucking job so long you end up on anti-depressants and taking ant-acids because you have stomach ulcers because of the stress?
Why do you often leave a shit job or relationship?? It get too painful.
I hear folks say it all the time, “I just couldn’t put up with it anymore”.
Even if you are engaged with a team, mentor, coach life may not still be matching your expectations. But what is really important at this time is to not minimise the steps forward.
Humans usually suck at acknowledging what they have done well.
If you are a human reading this, you have been through some shit right? and yet, there is a voice that says,
“Until it is this perfect picture, I am not going to be happy and acknowledge myself”.
Could you just for a second, get off the defence and giving yourself a hard time and instead say, ‘you are doing great..not perfect, but you are showing up!
YOU ARE DOING OKAY!
And okay will improve and improve and improve as you.
Look where you have come from.
Look what you have already overcome.
Look at the shifts you are making.
Have a look at the big decisions you have already made.
Maybe it was hard, but you have built some muscle and grit.
Once you hit a new level, it begins all over again. New level, new devil.
And you don’t do it alone.
Find a tribe.
Find a mentor.
Ask for help.
Deal with the shit from the past.
Deal with your survival patterns.
You got this.
We go you.
If you want support ask.
I offer a bunch of opportunities to grow and be supported. Just click on the offerings bit below.
There are also SO MANY amazing support people waiting for you to reach a point where you are ready to make some kick butt actions!
Until we next meet, keep being brave, keep showing up and keep sharing beautiful imperfect you.