Is it just me, or is there something just so soul satisfying to be a part of a collective where you are surrounded by folks who ‘get you’? Who you share interests with? Share our challenges and our wins?

Recently, in a Facebook Group I am apart of,  one of the women posted on a thread;

“I feel like something is changing in my life. I feel like I am losing friends, and the ones I have left, I am finding I don’t want to talk about the same old small talk stuff with them anymore. And actually, I am finding our interactions pretty boring. Is this normal and what can I do to make new friends”?

Now, some would say that is harsh right? Who gets bored with their friends?


But this is the thing with change and growth. Stuff that used to crank our tractor or shuffle our Spotify-play-list just don’t have the same connection to us anymore.

It can be like we outgrow our old ways, and with these old ways we outgrow the old connections too.

The folks in this FB group are awesome supporters. So there was no shortage of replies to help her out. Some people commented that she should join a meet up group, start attending a yoga class, join a gym….some pretty great suggestions poured out.

As soon as I read her post, I had this bolt come to me. Like I do with songs that want to go to people.

“Jen, find the Martha Beck “5 Symptoms of Dreamtime Progression” (which if you are interested can be found in the life altering book, “Steering by Starlight“, by…..yes, you guessed it, Martha Beck).

I began tearing through Martha’s books.

Oh. Ok. Yep. On it.

Found it.

The Dreamtime Progression is “a period of growth where people have burned up a considerable number of limiting beliefs and get excited about their new found lightness”.

There are 5 symptoms according to Martha, that you are entering the Dreamtime (named after the indigenous Australians “Dreaming” which is the belief that there are two parallel streams of time: the ordinary material world and a metaphysical reality that is actually more real than the world form).

Symptom 1 : Decreased Anxiety

One of the most important symptoms that you are entering the Dreamtime, is that fear goes away without requiring situational change. This might mean that you once wanted to rip the head off your partner for a passive aggressive comment they may have made, but instead, you barely notice it and carry on.

Apparently, there are studies that show, that people who meditate (detach their inner lizard freak outs and observe thought stories) don’t have normal flight or fight responses to sudden loud noises, like gunshots. They notice the sound and take appropriate action, but don’t get all the freak out responses that most humans get.

Symptom 2 : Fading Addictions

Most of us humans have some form of distracting us to keep us from feeling all the uncomfortable feelings. Drugs, alcohol, shopping, gossiping, social media scrolling, work. Maybe it’s obsessing over your kids lives, micro managing all the things and worrying about what is going to happen to them when they grow up.

A tell tale sign of reaching the “Dreaming” is that your old habits and compulsions lose their ‘shaaaaawing‘. Obsession turns to ordinariness and then to boredom and then meh.

Symptom 3 : Decreased Tolerance to Social Facades

You will find it gets harder and harder to enjoy the BS of social pretending. The small talk, the gossip the same ol’ same ol’ conversations bitching about politics and Kardashians. Your mother will launch into a time worn speech about how shit her marriage was, or your cousin will blab on about her insane boss for the 4,094th time, and instead of jumping in and getting all up in the drama of it, you will just keep flipping through a magazine.

Your sister will say, “Don’t you care about your family?” and you will say, with little concern, “I care about my family yes, but not the drama, no”. And back to the magazine.

There is no anger involved, the truth just slips into the space where you would have normally have told a polite white lie to keep everyone happy. The less you are attached to the regions that other people are operating their drama from, the more alienated you will feel, and the less you will ‘fit in’…all of which contributes to symptom number 4.

This was the exact symptom I was looking for! 

In the comments under her post, I wrote:

Hey hun. I read this and completely felt you. And as I read, a passage from one of my  mentors came to me. This is what it says. “I’ve got no friends left,” says Alicia mournfully. “I used to spend all day on the phone. Now, none of my old friends call me much.”

“Do you ever call them?” I ask.

Alicia thinks for a while. “No,” she says. “There’s no one I want to call”.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know,” she says furrowing her brow. “They just don’t get me anymore. Honestly, I find them all kind of boring. I mean I love them to pieces, but…..”

After I posted this, my FB group friend commented, “Happy emoji, happy emoji, happy emoji..OMG. This is me! This is me! Is there more??

Oh yes my friend. There sure is.

Martha describes this 4th phase as, “Entering the Empty Elevator“.

Sounds a bit strange right?

It goes a bit like this. If an elevator opens, and it is crowded with people, you have to wait until everyone is out before it can take on a new load of folks, right?

“When you dissolve the false beliefs that once held you prisoner, people around you can’t stay connected with both the NEW YOU and the old patterns of behaviour. Without meaning for it to happen, you may find the many of your relationships simultaneously fall away, making space for new loved ones you haven’t yet encountered. The elevator is going up a level. For a little while you have to ride it alone, or nearly so”.

“Where can I get this”? my FB group friend asked.

And I told her, like I’m telling you, if there is no other book you read in this lifetime…if you really want to see your life as a completely connected and purposeful experience, do yourself a favour and get your hands on a copy of “STEERING BY STARLIGHT.”

But only for folks who are REALLY interested in fulfilling their destiny…no matter what!

In this life supporting book, you will be helped to set up an authentic and rewarding life.

Funny. Insightful. Chock filled with opportunities for clarity, Steering by Starlight is probably one of my most highly recommended reads.

She bought the book. She messaged me yesterday privately to say that of all the advice she received that day, mine was the one that has had the most impact so far.

So, if you are in Entering the empty elevator, know you are not alone.

Know that you are not the only one who has navigated this transition.

Know that this is a symptom of your growth.

The letting go of your old ways of telling BS stories to yourself and others and inviting new ways. More YOU ways. Wholly you ways!

No judgment.

No being better than, or being superior to.

Just like a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly, it has to dissolve the old skin and create something new.

Right with you. I am a helper to the helpers. I support the Humanaries. So, I got you!

Oh and maybe get yourself a copy of Steering by Starlight.

Big love




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