It was rough. It really was.
But you holding ‘getting over it’ on your own. It doesn’t mater how much you know, or how skilled you are, even heart surgeons cannot perform open heart surgery on themselves. Therapists see therapists. Trust me. They do. I see them. They see me. We are simply not meant to do it alone.
I know what it’s like to feel like no one can help.
That no one understands.
That no one has lived through what you have been through. That no one knows what it feels like. I know what it feels like to not want to open pandoras box for fear that if we do, it all come flooding out and you will become a lunatic rocking in a corner somewhere.
One session I had with my therapists a couple of years back, switched a light on for me.
I was was really struggling to move past this dark patch that I had, that I could’t really even identify, all that I knew is that it felt dark and scary and unknown to me. In my mind. And so, my body responded by shallow breathing and tensing and not really wanting to move forward.
“What are you most afraid of right now”?, she asked.
It took me a while to get to the truth of what I was most afraid of. But when it appeared, I noticed that it was something that was keeping me locked in a prison that I had both created, and didn’t belong in.
“I’m afraid I will have a mental break and end up in hospital like my mum did”.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I had been running a story that went a little like this.
If I open up about how I really feel, about going past the dark and scary places in my mind, I might actually lose my mind and end up mentally ill. What if my mind snaps like my mums?
This is the part where she says the thing that turned the light on.
“Did you mum ever see a therapist and work through her uncomfortable feelings”?
“No”, I said.
“So, isn’t it possible, that if she had have, her mind would have felt healthier and less troubled?”
“Yes”, I said.
“And isn’t it also possible that it is BECAUSE you are choosing to attend to your mental and emotional health and that you genuinely care about being your best self, that you are in fact most unlikelyto end up in hospital?”
“Well, taking the brave step to sit here and work through this stuff, to commit to your wellbeing, that is what will not only keep you out of hospital, but put you in much better stead to be the kind of mother you want to be, and the kind of friend you want to be and the kind of support you want to be for others”.
And she was right.
And the edge that she was attempting to take me to, the place where I was most scared to go, suddenly didn’t seem so scary. The idea that I might have a breakdown left me and instead I marched into the discomfort believing that this is what could actually help to grow me, nourish me and free me.
I can’t guarantee that you, sharing your story and doing the work to heal the micro traumas and the macro traumas is going to be easy. Actually, it is highly likely it won’t,. I defiantly can’t guarantee you will expereince freedom from the prison in your mind.
But maybe, by sharing your story who really is interested, something may happen. A lights may come on, and what seemed so dark, and so scary, actually isn’t real.
Never underestimate the power of someone who just cares enough to witness your story.
Allow them to care sweet one.
Allow them to care!
– If you feel like you want to reach out to someone to work through your uncomfortable emotions or thoughts, I recommend having a chat with your GP about wanting to speak with a psychologist. Seeing a psychologist doesn’t mean you are crazy! It’s not different to seeing a dietician or a naturopath. In Australia, you can have up to 10 sessions subsidised by the government per year. This, in my opinion is a huge investment in your health and wellbeing. A safe space to share how you feel.
– If that is a big leap for you, perhaps having a chat with a trusted friend who you have identified as non-judgemental and compassionate. The power of that is massive.
– You can also take advantage of the free 30 minute sessions I have available to see if we vibe enough for you to feel safe to share with me. Listening is my super power. Not just hearing your words, but I can also hear what isn’t being said. You can book that HERE if that sounds like something you might benefit from.
– If you are feeling really overwhelmed or at your wits end and not sure what to do next, and just need someone to listen, you can call BEYOND BLUE on 1300 22 4636.
– If you’d like a podcast to listen to that might support you, there are many that can be found that I recommend on Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations . I particularly love Glennon Doyle Melton’s session called,First the Pain, then the Rising.
Shame will have you believe that your story isn’t worth sharing or it is too bad to share…please don’t buy in to the BS of shame. It’s only way to survive is to keep the dark. It’s afraid to die, so will convince you not to bring the light. And shame cannot survive in the light. And the light is the spoken story.