13 years ago, today, I gave birth for the first time. I became a mother. I became the guardian for a little human. A tiny (although he was anything but) little human.
When I was younger, if you asked me if I was having children, I said, flat out, every time..”NO”.
I didn’t dream about being a wife and mother.
I didn’t plan weddings, or baby names or imagine my life as a mother.
I didn’t have white picket fence dreams or soccer mum-ing or dance mum-ing.
I honestly didn’t have it on my cards.
I was going to have 3 dogs. Golden retrievers. And that would be my family.
When I finished university, I travelled. Adventured. And for most of it, I did it solo.
When I think back now, to the adventures I went on, as a young woman in a big world..alone, I kind of shudder. I was so naive and yet, so capable and confident. And I think it was the latter that got me through some tricky situations.
I travelled overseas, around Australia and then back overseas and then back to Australia to do more travel in Australia.
I met people on those travels who are still some of my closest friends.
I remember have lunch with a friend in Perth discussing relationships and families. She, unlike me, just wanted to be married, have children and for her, that was the dream life.
Honestly, I didn’t get it.
To me, it felt like that is EVERYONE does. And I didn’t want to do what EVERYONE did.
I told her that it was a trap. We were just asleep. A ‘sheep’. We were conforming. Being too same-same if we chose that.
I think she thought I was mad, or paranoid or most likely both. We still both chuckle about that now (6 kids between us).
So what changed?
Why do I have 3 kids, and up until very recently, no dog?
Somewhere in my later 20’s, after traveling a lot and traversing through various career channels, I felt something shift. I had not long come out of a serious relationship where I was engaged to be married. Out of an engagement where I was really questioning if I could reasonably commit to being with one person FOR EVER.
I mean, I couldn’t even commit to a favourite colour.
Somewhere during that painful break up, amidst laying on the floor singing all the heart break anthems, I felt that I, in fact, may have room for marriage…and the door cracked open to the possibility of having children.
Turns out, the door flew open after meeting my now husband. And what an adventure that has been.
13 years ago, we had our first and within 3 years we had grown our little tribe to 5, after adding 2 more.
If you have read anything on my website, you know that I didn’t sail through those first few years of motherhood well. Despite what it may have looked like on the outside.
I found it ever so challenging, in so many ways (which I am pretty sure I wrote about HERE). And if I didn’t I’ll fill you in sometime.
13 years…the longest job I have ever been in. And the job I have wanted to quit from the most, and with all 3 fast approaching teen years, many more desires to quit.
Motherhood has changed me. There is just no doubt about it. And, as it turns out, I am 100% sure, for the best!
So today, I celebrate motherhood and all the crazy arse stuff that comes with it.
Today I am grateful I didn’t quit. Didn’t pack it in. But instead, made the decision to use every god damn trigger they pressed on, to help me grow (I must be as tall as an oak tree by now).
Today I am glad that life surprised me with the gift of these little humans. And while I am still a massive dog lover, I know they could have never have given me what I receive daily from this lot.
Today I am grateful to our eldest boy, who is gentle, and funny and curious and considerate and tall like a baby giraffe (like me) and eats anything that is put in front of him, and smart.
Yeah, today I am really grateful.
Is there anything you are grateful for today?
I’d love to know. xx
Until next we meet, be brave, show up and share beautiful you.