Lately I feel like I have been writing and talking a lot about this life busy thing.
And today, I was completely schooled by life. Again.
It’s the end of the school year, and as a result there are a bajillion school things to remember.
Presentation nights. Dance nights. Drama things. Class parties. Performances. Play dates for the kids. And all the usual things that go with being a parent of three young-is kids.
This week however, I really noticed the strain. The tension. The push and pull.
For the most part, I have been holding on to all the balls, pretty well. But today. I dropped the last remaining ones.
I’ve recently started working every Saturday, which is a new thing for our family. My husband works from home and I am around every afternoon, so working Saturdays aren’t like I am spending too much time away from the family.
I now work Saturdays, because for the longest time, I have been available mostly to the beck and call of everyone else in the house. If hubby needs to go away from work, I hold the fort. If the kids need uber-ed around for the millionth time to all their things, I am available.
So Saturdays, they are a day for me to do what I love. In my own way. On my own terms.
Today though, I was back to do all the things I would usually do. Attending to the needs of everyone else social calendars.
And it had me thinking, if I worked for someone else, would I have done today in the same way.
And the answer is no.
You see, in order to be a grown arse human, we have to be able to set boundaries. We have to be able to say no. We have to be able to say, ‘actually that doesn’t work for me, we will have to find another way’.
Which as a recovering ‘capabilitarian’ I find it really challenging. Because, usually I can do all the things.
Well today, life laughed so hard it gave it’s self a stitch. I am sure. I can see it all squinty eyed and unable to catch it’s breath properly.
Today, I saw very clearly that I need a few things.
I need someone to help with all my administration stuff! For both my business and my life.
I need to regularly put some time aside for getting clear on all the things I have committed to. Not just for me, but for the kids as well. And make it noticeable. Obvious and clear.
I need to give myself some space to really consider if I can realistically fit all the things in that I have committed to.
I need to give myself a break and be gentle with myself when life presents all these opportunities for me to grow.
And I really reckon that is the biggest piece.
Life is doing it’s thing.
Offering up life. For us to experience.
We can’t control any of the stuff that shows up for the most part. But what we can do, is GIVE OURSELVES A BREAK. Do whatever we need to do that offers us the kindest possible solution.
Allow the essential self to speak up. Not the social self that smack talks just about everything!
Today, I dropped multiple balls that had me skidding all over the ground, falling on my arse.
It hurt. And I allowed myself to feel it. All.
And, I got the hell back up. Dusted my butt off. And onwards we go.
The temptation is to give in to the bullshit stories that sound a little like, “well, clearly this is not what I am meant to be doing with my life or time or this would be flowing smoothly”. Bullshit.
“Well, if you were more organised this wouldn’t have happened”. Okay, part truth there, and I am working on that, but mostly bullshit. A bunch of stuff happened that had nothing to do with being organised or not.
“This always happens to you, clearly you are failing at sorting this stuff out”. Oh bullshit. Shit happens to all of us! And it doesn’t ALWAYS happen! Stop being so dramatic with your ALWAYS bullshit.
“It’s their fault that you dropped the balls”. What? Who? Oh come on. How boring. Blaming folks is so 2014. Move on. What else ya got?
“If you were doing what you really love, it would have been an effortless and tpainfree day”. Oh. Now you make me laugh! Where on earth is that even written as truth? What is true, is that when you live as a human in this world, whether doing what you love or otherwise, shit.will.happen out of you control. BUT when you do what you love, it is a small challenge. A challenge that lets us LEARN more about this thing called life. And we can use the challenge to help us navigate even better!
The reality is, some things did not go to plan today. Some of the things I could have most definitely have done better. Absolutely.
But for the most part, it really wasn’t that bad. As I sit here now, it has all worked out as it should. Everyone is still alive. I can still use my arms to type this. I have water available for me to drink right from our water filter. I am sitting on a comfy chair (although I would like a better one if I am honest). And mostly, I get to write this.
And who knows, someone may read this after they have had a pretty shit day humaning, and perhaps they will give themselves a break too!?
Today didn’t go to plan. But in the end, how much of life really does??
Here is to embracing the part of humaning that is really tough. The parts where we are challenged and feel out of control. The parts that have us feeling like we are failing. Or not doing enough. Or feeling ways we wish we didn’t.
Being a human is tough. There is no doubt. But if you are human, you are designed specifically to do tough things! So, we got this!
Until next we meet, keep being brave, keep showing up and keep sharing beautiful you!