It’s drawing to the end…

I’m just about to finish my last assignment for the 12 week Write into Light writing course with Martha Beck. Yes, you know how I feel about Martha.

In the last year or so, I have been drawn to writing, more and more. Wanting to express more in that form. So much so, I committed to writing a book.

During one of the Soul Visioning sessions I offer, this course came to me, to share with the receiver. At the time, it didn’t even occur to me that I might be the one who actually does the course.

I signed up at a time that I felt more and more drawn to write. And it is Martha, and well, I am a sucker for spending time with her. I find just being around her energy, even though it is online, I feel more at home in myself.

But if I am completely honest, I signed up because I felt lost on my writing journey. I was sure that my writing was shit and no one wanted to read it and there are so many better writers than me. “Just read Martha’s stuff” I would replay over and over again.

I went in thinking the course would maybe give me that last bit of information to actually trust myself and my ability to write. To finally get this book finished. Maybe I would turn over that one last rock and find the magic key to unlock the hidden world where writing would be effortless and I’d write the book in a week.

That didn’t happen.

In fact, I would go so far as to say, it isn’t a writing course at all.

I know right.

I spent money on a course that was promoted as a writing course. I signed up trusting Martha. Given she is one of my fave writers. One of my fave mentors.

I’d committed to 12 weeks, putting most other distractions aside. And immersing into the space of writing. Chest puffed out. “After this course, I will be an epic writer and all writing there after will be New York best seller material”.

Expectations right?

That didn’t happen.

Yet, of all the courses I have done along the way, this was one of the most transformational.

But not in big ‘rah rah’ motivational kind of way. A more subtle, gentle and deeply connected kind of way.

Be the truth.

Be the change.

Be the light.

The course was broken up into those 3 sections.

Each and every week we had quests to go on. Writing quests.

Soon into the course I realised that writing was what I call, “the hide behind”. It made me chuckle. “Ha, of course it is”.

Humans, in order to explore the truths that lay within, sometimes they need a psychological shield. A “hide behind” I call it.

For example, some have a deep desire to connect with themselves on a deeper level, but don’t know that on a conscious level, so their soul chooses yoga. The soul calms the mind by letting the human believe they are going to “gain flexibility and relax a little bit”, because to declare “I want to connect with myself on a deeper level” is scary as hell y’all. And, not surprisingly, after a while, their initial flexibility story opens up to the bigger truth.

Well, this was the Write into Light writing course for me.

I went in, focussed totally on improving my writing. Hoping that I would find that one last thing that would make writing effortless and easy. That was the hide behind.

For 12 weeks, I did what I knew to do. I just followed the quests. I followed the next right thing. I committed to me.

I felt uncomfortable. I doubted myself at ever corner. I did draft after draft. I felt inspired. I asked for feedback. I gave feedback. I compared myself. I felt confident. I felt small. I met some amazing writers and humans. I felt like I belonged and I felt like an alien.

I was called to look at patterns and stories I make up about myself and life. I was challenged to edit and cut and re-word. I was tested with things I believed as truths but were actually monster lies.

As I am about to complete my last assignment I see now what I actually needed through this course (here is my second last if you want to have a read). 

The biggest thing for me, wasn’t another tool I picked up (even though Martha gives us a thousand), it was a reminder that everything I need, I already have.

And all I need to do, is to commit to myself. Over and over again. To sit with myself. Come home to myself. To listen to myself, both the monsters and the truth fairies. Over and over. Just like me in life.

I fall and I rise. Over and over. And again, and again.

It’s been a lifetime of gathering wayfinder tools, for me. To help me rise. And now, I spend my life enjoying the experience of sharing hat with others to help them rise.

What an exhale it is to see them all and to use them, for me.

*my inner cheer squad rise from the bleachers and cheer*

Let this be a reminder to you sweet one, that everything you need, you already have within you! You do. It isn’t dependent on how many courses you have done or books you have read or adventures you have been on (as cool as all that stuff is). It is you are a spark of unique light in this world. But maybe you have forgotten about that spark. Or haven’t seen it in a while. Perhaps you may just need a fellow wayfinder to remind you and mirror back to you that truth.

Those of you who have experience a Soul Visioning Quest with music and cards, or do one on one coaching with me, you will know that what you get is what your soul already knows to be true! All you needed was to be reminded. And what a beautiful gift that is. If you’d like one, you can go here to find them.

Here is to giving ourselves permission to be with ourselves and connect with the deep well of wisdom we all have…we have just forgotten about.

Until next we meet, be brave, keep showing up and share beautiful you!

Big love

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