This isn’t the blog post I think I sat down to write.
That kind of seems like a weird statement given I haven’t written anything.
But, sometimes when I write, when I sit down, something comes over me, or through me, or something else I haven’t yet really been able to describe.
And I have that feeling.
I can feel in my chest and by the prickling in my eyes, that this may be an emotional piece.
If you have followed anything of anything I have have written or talk about, or know me even a little bit, you will know that I am far from an enlightened human.
Or even a little bit evolved. You will know that I am deeply human.
Deeply, deeply flawed.
And by god, I am doing my best.
I kind of like to believe that we all are.
I have done much inner work, attended more healing courses and personal development workshops than many humans. Read more personal growth and self help books than is probably legal.
Most days I will listen to something inspirational. A podcast. A TED talk. Some songs.
When I remember, I write out my dreams thoughts and feelings.
I’m attempting to mediate more, and currently do it messily.
Sometimes I give until I cannot give any more. Too much sometimes.
Sometimes I give nothing.
Sometimes I am bitchy. And impatient. And a down right arsehole.
Some say I’m preachy.
Here’s the thing.
For a moment, can you just lean in close because I want to share something with you. So that you can hear me. Into your soul.
Because dear ones, I want you to hear this.
If I ever profess to know it all, or having all my shit sorted, do not believe me.
I am learning.
Sometimes I get things SO. FUCKING. WRONG. you wouldn’t even believe it. I mean really fucking wrong.
And I am learning.
I’m not excusing away arsehole behaviour because I am ‘human’.
I share all the shit, all the stuff, the pain the celebration the wins.
And I do it because I CANNOT NOT.
THIS is what I choose for my life.
And for some, it is shit. For some of you, you want to look away. You wish that I want like I was. That I did things better. That I was more perfect.
But I am not. I am a mess. A pretty awesome mess. But a mess none the less.
For some, they don’t understand how I can be so ‘out there’. And for those people I get it.
I share all the humanness, and to do that, it attracts criticism and opportunities to point at areas where I am failing. Where I fave fallen down.
And I rise. And you rise. We rise together…..that reminds me of a song.
Folks like us, we are the over-comers. The up-risers. The fallen and the dented.
We risk losing everything. Like everything!
We risk that people will talk about us behind our backs.
We risk being rejected.
We risk being seen.
We risk failing.
Falling. Injuring our precious selves.
We risk it because our soul will not allow us to lay down and die before our time.
Yes, we lay down.
But we ALWAYS rise!
You and me.
I share all the stuff because I know that I am not the only one who at times feels completely lost as they journey through this life.
I am not the only one who hasn’t received a road map for being a human. Or am I?
It isn’t fair to hold anyone to such a height that you don’t leave room for their humanity.
Their flaws. They will come crashing down. Hard. And likely take you out on the way down. Because you put them there.
It isn’t fair to expect that if you show up authentically, that others will behave a particular way. It just isn’t.
But show up anyway. Imperfect. Human. Spiritual. Flawed. Perfect. Compassionately.
You and me.
We are going to rest. Yes we are….
AND we will rise.
We will sit and we will observe….
AND we will rise.
And we will forgive. Deep from the depth of our pain. Because we know that to be anything other than forgiving hurts ourselves, not those who have transgressed against us.
And we will choose ourselves first. And create spaces of safety and love. And cull anything that doesn’t support that space.
We will risk endings. Letting go’s. Changing our minds.
We will risk the finger pointing, the red faces, the tense shoulders, the knots in our stomachs.
AND STILL, we rise!
You and me.
Because sweet one, this one precious life wants to be completely rung out. Used up. Felt. Explored to the deepest depths and the highest heights.
The risks are great my gorgeous sweet, imperfect human, but the rewards are greater.
AND WE RISE.
***the 2 random songs that played as I write this***
THIS one brought me to ugly cry tears. This is my new song to myself, to play on repeat!
THIS one helped me rise. And will probably be my forever song.