Today marks 12 years that I have been in this chapter. Writing it collaboratively with a bunch of other humans!
This is the longest time I have spent dedicated to one thing! Achievement moment!
This chapter began expected, but yet completely unexpected.
Have you noticed that life is filled with opposing energies? The paradoxes that seem to be the foundation of life.
I mean, I am deeply introverted and crave quiet time at my soul level, but yet love to be on stage, leading workshops, facilitating retreats. I love being around other like souled humans.
And wanting to be surrounded by beautiful things, and yet, at the some time want to throw everything away and live so basically and simply with not one piece of ‘stuff’.
Feel so blessed and gushy and deeply moved to have been gifted your children and at the same time be annoyed and feel trapped or have lost freedom.
12 years ago. We had our first baby. Our first human found it’s way to the world.
The Parenting chapter began. The ‘grown up’ chapter. the biggest growth and most challenging chapter.
Before we began this chapter, this is the preliminary work up to it. It was scary. Challenging. And yet oh so exciting. The paradox.
Our beautiful, sensitive, clever and deeply loving boy turned 12 today. 12 years he’s been with us. Challenging us. Teaching us. Learning. And growing..and uh, yeah, the growing thing..he’s a few small centimetres from being taller than me. Sigh. But no, I don’t have an issue with that at all *insert that face that lets you know I am being well sarcastic*.
Birthdays, a call to draw everyone in to celebrate and make lots of noise and a call to carry on as normal and be still and quiet as well. Paradox!
The last few years, we have been doing this pretty fun thing on birthday days.
We do a treasure hunt. It begins in the envelope of the card. A little note with a clue leading them to the next clue. You know how it works.
I love watching he kids try to decipher the messages. Messages that seem so clear to the creator of the clues.
As I watched this unfold today, I thought, “Oh my god, this is SO how life is”.
The creator is constantly trying to lead us to our gifts. Clues are left everywhere, and yet, for some of us, we don’t see them behind the chair in the playroom. We know there is a gift at the end, so we keep looking. When we can’t find it, we have a few choices to make. To keep looking, and looking. To ask for some more information, some more guidance. Some hints. Or we can stop looking altogether.
At one point this morning, we were all stood in a room, and only 2 of us knew where the clue was. And all of us are willing and wishing that he finds the next clue. Soon. All cheering him on. Wanting to help him find it.
But it is hard when someone who doesn’t know where the clue is, is standing right in front of the said clue.
Still cheering them on.
And I guess sometimes, some of us, with our best intentions, are standing right in the way of others finding their gifts.
Still, ultimately, it is up to the seeker to ask for what they need. “I need hint please” or “I need you to move out of the way” or “I need you all to stop crowding me and be quiet”.
I loved watching our boy navigate the adventure. Well, all of us navigate the adventure.
At the ‘final’ part of the hunt where he finds his presents, we maybe, kind of tricked him a little.
See, the Christmas present he wanted this year, was lets just say, a little expensive. So, we had struck a deal that we would do a combined birthday/Christmas thing. Not something we had ever done before, because it sucks having a birthday so close to Christmas.
But, we cut a deal. He got what he wanted for Christmas and, so he thought, for his birthday.
So, at this ‘final’ treasure hunt check point I loved watching him find his few small, kind of token presents, with graciousness and joy.
In the wrapping of the final present, there was one last post it note message that read, “Now can you please go and put all the wrapping paper in the wheelie bin”.
So, up he got. And we all followed.
And he’s like..”you’re following me”?
Next to the bins was a tall wrapped item sat with a post-it note on it that said, “Happy Birthday Buddy”.
Silent, he carries it back inside. And then to watch him find the ‘real’ gift.
Now have you ever had that feeling when you have been dreaming about something for such a long time, that when it presents itself, you kinda believe it but don’t believe it. You know that face. That, “is this actually happening”.
This gift he has had his heart set on for years. Never has he pestered for it. Or expected it. Or felt like he was hard done by or that we didn’t’ care because we wouldn’t get it for him.
But he wasn’t ready for it up until now. He needed to grow. Develop. And finally, at 12, he was ready.
The gift, that when he found it, opened it, and was so grateful and surprised and you could see he was feeling it. The paradox. Incredibly excited and completely overwhelmed with the feelings as well..he cried.
We all cried.
*I’d post the recording of it, but I like to preserve the privacy of our kids until they are older. And they can post it if they choose*.
I wonder if the creator gifts us in this way. Always intending to gift us, and is continually leaving us clues….but only when we are really ready to receive them can we see them.
Our boy is a lover of golf. This will be his 4th year playing the challenging sport. He’s played most weekends in that time (minus a wee sabbatical after a decent amount of ribbing from the boys at school).
He’s gotten up early to play. Hit golf balls out the back of our house. Grown. Developed. And can play with men and beat them, who are twice his age. He’s done the work. Not just talked about it, or waited ‘until’ he had the ‘right’ clubs. He’s done the work!
And today, on his 12th birthday, he received his grown up set of clubs.
He’s proven to himself that he can overcome the obstacles, both internal and external. And he has shown us, that he is committed to the growth in this space by signing up to play at a bigger course. More challenging. Ready to step out of the comfort.
And he is ready.
As we celebrate our boy (who is currently at the driving range with his dad and golfer mates), I am reminded that sometimes when we feel like we are not being gifted that ‘thing’ that we yearn for, to remember to not stop looking for the clues. To pay attention. To ask for support. AND when you are ready, the gift will present it self.
Here’s to seeing life as one big treasure hunt. Constantly leading us to our gifts. That there will be obstacles, things we don’t understand, and people who get in our way…but ultimately, it is up to us to be the adventurers. The explorers. The seekers. To do the stuff we love…over and over.
And you know, if he didn’t’ get those clubs, he would have still be out hitting balls with the ones he did have. Because that is the thing about following your loves, ultimately you don’t care if it is the ‘best’ stuff, or that you are acknowledged by many, or that you are not a ‘pro’. You simply do it because you love it.
And, that my loves, is enough.
Speaking of loves, I’m co-faciliating a New Moon gathering on Wednesday the 17th of January at divine location on the Gold Coast. A location that I know healers and coaches, and light bringers will be gathering at A LOT in the coming months and years. I am just lucky enough to be one of the first to bring other light bringers there! I feel like the universe has gifted me this space. And I know that others will feel the same.
We’ll be exploring ‘following the signs’ and our intuition. Our gifts. And I’ll be sharing the whispers that 2018 has given me already. We’ll be looking for folks to collaborate and connect with in this space too. Looking for our vision supporters. And how we can support visions too.
Until next time.
Be brave. Show up! At the end of your life…what will matter the most?