If you have been following my writings, you will know that since June, I haven’t had a drink. No, not true. I haven’t had an alcoholic drink! Not one. Not even a sip!
Initially it was set as an experiment to see if I could actually make it until 2018. Just because I had never gone that long without a drink, since being an adult.
But what I have come to see, when ‘letting go’ of some habits, is that there were and are A LOT of habits that my body just says NO to.
Because I am a sensitive soul, I feel a lot of stuff. And I give a fuck about a lot of stuff. Too much, I have come to see.
One of my ‘coping’ strategies to deal with all the feels, was to drink. Not a lot. Not to excess, but to just take the edge off. To dull some of the high feeling vibes.
Before alcohol it was exercise. And before that, it was restricting food. Habits to help me avoid feeling uncomfortable stuff.
Initially, when I gave up the juice, I thought that in a few weeks I would be a beacon of health. I would have all my energy back, all my vibrancy and feel dead set amazing.
I didn’t. Not immediately. Not even not immediately.
6 months on, I am wrapped to report, I am feeling SO awesome. I still have some serious repair to do. And just giving up alcohol hasn’t been the only contributor to my health increase…restoring my adrenals and supporting my thyroid with compounded vitamins and some god awful herbs is in there as well.
And let me tell you, giving up the juice has not come with smooth sailing. No. In fact, probably the opposite.
Not So Good News…at the time!
Not long after I quit drinking, our family went through another life storm when my husband was forced to leave his very well paying job here on the Gold Coast, because of some “questionable” behaviour from his employers. So he left. With no job to go to. None. Zip. Nothing.
And some might not think this is a big deal, but for us, it was. A big deal. We have structured our fam that hubby is the primary money earner and I am the primary parent for all the ‘stuff’ and I work part time in my business as well. So, it left us…very vulnerable. Very exposed and very out of our comfort zones.
Initially, it struck me hard. And to be honest, I wanted to have a drink or two, or more if I am honest. I did. And, no one would blame me. I wouldn’t blame me.
I knew though, that this was a part of my experiment. A challenge. And like all adventures in humaning, we have obstacles to overcome. And this job issue was just another obstacle.
Hubby and I traversed this new terrain together. And at times, I got so frustrated with the circumstances. I did. But there was this strange ‘knowing’ that it was working out in our favour. That if we just kept doing the inner work (or navel gazing as hubby puts it), we would unfold and so would our experience.
And it has.
And through this, I have been reminded of so many little nuggets. The biggest one is if you don’t LOVE it, it has to go.
Brutal but true.
If you follow me on instagram you would have seen that I have been de-cluttering. Letting go of all the ‘stuff’ that I just don’t LOVE. I LOVE books, and I have A LOT of them. But I had to go through my list, and let my body check in to see if it was like or LOVE.
I ‘like’ a lot of stuff. I am pretty easy to please actually and I can get excited about a whole range of things.
But LIKE just isn’t enough for me and my body anymore.
As someone who was so depleted and burnt-out, I just didn’t have the energy to give a fuck about much at all. Seriously. Not much at all.
The only fucks I gave were the ones my body called for (and not the literal fucks)…sorry, does this sound too crass? But the ones that meant I would lay on the grass outside for hours. Just lay. Looking at the sky or closing my eyes to sleep.
I just lay in the sun. For hours. Clothed.
Actually, I did a lot of laying down.
I couldn’t interact in the groups I had created. Not because of the folks in them, but just that I had no fucks to give.
I had used them all up.
…and now, as my energy starts to return, I know that I never want to go to that place of complete depletion again….unless I need to learn more lessons…but I am hoping I have learnt them! #canbeaslowlearner
So, the books went. And then my clothes went. Most of my hair went. And there is still more to go (insert social media cull).
It is not just OKAY to say NO to the stuff you don’t love, it is vital. Vital for our energy. Y’all, we got work to do on our planet. We need energy to do shit we give a fuck about.
While there is an abundance of energy in the universe, as a human, we only have so much capacity to hold and store it. We have to be protective of he fucks we give away. They have to be BIG YES kinda things. And we have to risk folks judging us. Risk losing friends (could be a great thing). Risk upsetting folks. Because we are worth the discomfort.
We do uncomfortable things, and we grow through it. We can do tough stuff. We can, because we are worth it. We can feel the discomfort and rise anyway.
I have old wounds around inclusions and making sure that everyone is included and cared for. And while I believe this, I am not losing fucks to folks who are not willing to do the work as well. I’m just not.
Where I no long will be giving fucks.
No longer and I going to allow folks to complain to me..UNLESS you are willing to change the circumstance. UNLESS they are willing to look at how they contribute to the circumstance. UNLESS they are willing to get into the mud. I just don’t have the fucks for anything else.
Some might say that is conditional love, but actually, it is just setting healthy boundaries. It is about what is okay and what is not okay….for me. And this is a me first kind of deal. Not selfish, just self first.
I will always give a fuck about what people think about me, it is in my DNA, but what I no longer give a fuck about, is the BS stories I make up about it. No more fucks about my stories.
No longer will I give a fuck about superficial blah blah. I just wont.
No longer will I give fucks about fake news and fear monger campaigns.
No longer will I give fucks about betrayals in my past. No more.
No more fucks given spending money on shit that I don’t LOVE.
No more will I give fucks about wearing clothes that don’t feel like YESSSS on my body.
God, the liberation! I tell you!
What I do give fucks about.
Our planet. Our mother earth. And all the creatures she has supporting her.
My health. BIG fuck about my health.
My family. MASSIVE fucks about my family.
Aligning with folks who are as committed to self love as I am.
Being around change makers, inspirers, teachers and compassionate leaders.
Sleep. BIG fucks about good quality sleep.
Where I spend my money. I am only spending money on stuff and experiences I LOVE.
My relationship with my hubby!
Creating stuff that my body leads me to.
Reading and writing real and raw juice.
MUSIC. SO much fucks for music. And I’ll be sharing more and more of it. (Sign up here if you want to be gifted Intuitive tunes every Tuesday).
THEY are my key fucks!
So beauties, what do you no longer give fucks about? I WOULD so love to hear. THAT is something I give a fuck about!
Until next time, be brave, show up, and share the gift that only you have.