0

It Really Does Matter.

Each Friday I have committed to sharing my Five Faves for Five Weeks.

Yes, it is kitchy, but this is Five Faves Friday. Week two!

This week, I am giving you my 5 reasons to share your story!

1b32d5e3f7877f21ea17d2d718e74b03.jpg

Believe me. Don’t believe me. Read my stuff. Don’t read my stuff.

But it matters to me to write. It matters to me to share my story. It matters to me that people know they are not alone.

AND…

You. Your story. It matters! It matters to me.

And people need to hear it!

I’ll tell you why!

I write pretty passionately about some topics.

I can get pretty ruffled by other topics and I speak my heart, thoughts, body on them.

I can be outspoken. Opinionated.

And I can be judged for it. As I can judge others.

Recently I received some unsolicited advice from someone I was sharing with about some mothering stuff. Being a mum. The role of parent.

This person, beautiful to the core, didn’t have children.

And her advice, was as the advice would have been before I had children. Except she said, “I know what you mean”.

And I smiled.

In all her excitement and desire to help, (which I really didn’t need or want) she blurted out a whole lot of stuff that, well, left me a little like….”Um, thanks for your thoughts on this” And as I walked away mumbled to myself, “Come talk to me after you have had children sweet one”.

I saw me as a younger version of myself. Desperate to help. Even when I wan’t asked for it. Fixers. Big hearted folks. People who care. We all do this.

God knows how much in my life I have done it. And what a gift she gave me.

This life thing.

Often as we are finding our way, we seek council. Support. Advice. And fuck I admire those brave enough to ask for it!

But we have to be mindful of who we seek for advice.

I wouldn’t be going to a mechanic to get advice on my Spotify account usage.

I wouldn’t be going to a swim instructor if I wanted to write a book.

Well, I might if that was their passion, so never say never I suppose.

Annnnnyway…..

Elizabeth Lesser in her book Broken Open tells of a time when she was looking for some advice from Spiritual Teacher Ram Dass.

Elizabeth lead with, “Can have your advice on something?” To which Ram Dass replies, “Only if it about being a man, who has never married and isn’t attached to material things. Much beyond that, I don’t know. I can only speak of what I have experienced”.

Some boom humility there.

I don’t know what it is like to be a single mother, even though I was raised by one.

I don’t know what it is like to be divorced. Even though my parents were.

I don’t know what it is like to have cancer, even though I worked in Oncology.

I don’t know what it is like to be adopted. Even though my mother was.

I don’t know what it is like to lose a parent to death. Even though I have stood beside friends who have.

I don’t know what it is like to be a man, even though I am married to one.

I don’t know what it is like to be bullied. Even though I was a bully.

I don’t know what it is like to be homeless, even though I was in foster care.

I don’t know what it is like to care for someone who is in chronic pain, even though I studied it at university.

I don’t know.

But I am interested. SO interested. SO interested. Intrigued. Mesmerised.

Five Reasons Why Sharing Your Story is Vital.

  1. When you share your story, you show people an alternative way. You give alternative perspectives. And people be like, “yeah, I’m going to try that”.
  2. I can’t live all the lives that can be lived. To have all the experiences. To share all the adventures.
  3. You offer a way for others who may be lost in the same wilderness as you were.
  4. You provide the opportunity for others to say, “Me too” and then they don’t feel alone.
  5. You leave a legacy. People will get to know the real you. Not the glossy, public you. You allow people to get to really SEE you.

Life.

You get yours.

I get mine.

And they get theirs.

And you will vibe with some and not with others. And lets agree that we can be okay with that. Without anyone being better than or less than. Just different.

So, if we ever meet, I will want to know who you are, what your story is and I will want to remind you that your story, your experience matters. I will seem nosy. Intrusive even. But it’s because that is important to me.

I’m not the kind of small talk chick. I can do it, but it exhausts me. 

And I am reminded, after my little encounter recently, that I will never pretend to know what it is like for you in what you are going through.

And even though I might not have experienced any of the things you have, I will try not to tell you how you should do your life. I am a fixer. I will always be one. So I will want to help. But I will try my best to meet you where you are.

So if you read what I write and be all like, “It’s all right for you isn’t it…but you don’t know what it’s like to be…..*insert your life experience*” I would say, I agree. I have no idea. But I still would love to hear all about it anyway!

If you have a story to share, that you think may benefit others – because god knows people need to find their people – let me help you set up a blog. Or a film an interview. Or, I don’t know…help you find your written words….anything!

Your experience matters. 

You matter. 

Big, big love

Jen

xxx

Oh and P.S……

…..Before anyone gets upset that I am putting down the value of non-mothers opinions, let me embrace you and let you know…some of my most biggest life influencers and role models are those without children. Oprah. Marie Forleo. Kris Carr. xx

ebe074ef25fca914d52e278b395411c5.jpg

 

1

The Begining of the Break: Part 1.

Adele’s touching speech at the Grammys yesterday, hit my heart. My life space.

She spoke of losing herself after she had children. Of how tough it was to go through that. And that her most recent album was a way to recover herself. To transform.

So me. I was touched. And I wanted to share my break.

She going to get all out there with this one.

She going to hit the topic that, when felt deeply, well, it can sting. In a lot of ways.

The whole reason that this website exists is because I had children.

The whole reason I do what I do now is because I had children.

The reason I have some of the most soul connected friends I have, is because I had children.

But having children was so suck arse for me in the early days!

Having children absolutely sucked arse for me in the beginning. It bit so hard. So hard  that I was sure I was breaking.

And on reflection, I think I did.

I did break.

Those of you who know my story, know that I was dropped into the new would of parenting at like full speed. A

In Feb 2005 I was pregnant. In March 2005, I was not.

In April 2005 I was pregnant again.

Within 3 months I rode the upward journey on the rollercoaster of elation to be pregnant with a baby. A little baby that my partner and I had created all by ourselves, somehow.

We rode the fast decent on the rollercoaster when we learned that our little baby didn’t actually have a heart beat.

“It’s totally common” they said. “1 in 4 pregnancies end like this”. “At least you can fall pregnant”, I was told.

Well fuck. Yes, but I lost our little baby!

6 weeks later, those same symptoms I had experienced the first time came back. Could I be pregnant already?

Yes.

And up goes the rollercoaster.

I decide that I would leave my job that I had to travel over 2 and half hours each day in the car to get to and from. A tough decision. But I wanted a healthy baby, and I could start again after the baby.

6 weeks later, a visit to the loo left me in fragments again. Blood. So much blood. Blood you just do not want to see when you are pregnant.

Fuck.

54b0ec8dd97c9476a613dda58df37195.jpg

And the rollercoaster heads south again and I just wanted the fuck off it. This is not fun.

I call the doctor and say I am not coming in for my scan, “I’ve lost another baby, I sob”!

Gently, the receptionist reassures me and we venture in.

Rollercoaster off the rails.

I don’t want to look at that fucking screen again and see no heart beat. I’d rather not thank you very much.

Again, gently lead, I lay down. Not breathing. Not looking. Not really there.

The gel. The scan.The wooshy sounds.

I still can’t breathe.

And then I hear it.

Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. A whoosh that I knew was a little heart.

In inhale deeply and turned my head to see a little thing on the screen and a little flicker happening inside it.

“It’s alive?” I say through the tears?

“Yes, you have a baby in there for sure”.

And the tears fell. The relief. The rollercoaster back on the rails and slowly moving forward, ever so slowly.

Dr B keeps exploring the space where the baby lives.

Silent.

Intrigued.

I could feel something else was there.

I looked intently with him.

“There is something else I can see in your uterus with the baby. I’ll need to send you off for a more accurate scan”.

What do you mean something else? What the fuck do you mean?

Not another baby?

Then what the fuck?

And off we go for the next scan.

At this point, I am so out of the rollercoaster. Off it. No more play thanks! Fuck it. I am not feeling any more of this shit.

And numb.

The scan revealed that I had this thing called a sub-chorionic-heamatoma. This is what it looks like.

Basically, I had a bruise in my uterus.

A bruise that would grow as the uterus stretched and could in fact rupture and if it did, would take the baby with it.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Right.

Ok.

So, I did what I always had done. I just got on with life…all the while stressing so big that I was going to lose  my baby.

Every time I went to the toilet there was blood. Lots of blood. A thing that as a pregnant women just doesn’t make sense to the brain. It sees danger. It sees bad shit. It sees, something is going to go wrong here.

And I pushed the fear, the terror, the sadness aside and I got on with it.

My partner and I were planning a wedding, building a house. I had to get on with it.

And get on with it I did…and it isn’t until later, the truth of the experience bubbled up…and when it did….I was sure I was breaking…..

[see you next week for part 2]

0

My 3 testers. No, not testies!

What are the things that you do that are like, so easy and effortless for you?

The things that when you do it and you get feedback you’re all like, “Um, well, everyone can do that?”.

What are those things?

Maybe it’s your ability to walk into a room and make connections easily.

Maybe it is sensing how folks are feeling just by being next to them.

Maybe it is whipping up a kick ares FB status that gets everyone excited and inspired.

Maybe it is helping folks with parenting issues, or friendship issues or relationships issues or technical issues.

Often we overlook our strengths because they come completely natural to us.

We just assume that what we can do comes naturally to everyone else.

87f9e802e6a3a36b7a5429c38354e86b

And how are you using those gifts? The world is a better place if we are using our gifts in it! 

I have met a lot of folks who say they have no gifts. No strengths and then when we sit and chat for bit we see they have a LOT of strength. A LOT of gifts. They just haven’t been still enough and have too much BS belief set in the way that they can’t see it.

Strengths strengthen when we use them. Like lifting weights.

So, strengths will always be present, but if you want to grow them…you going to have to practice using them.

If your gift is making people feel welcome and included, what groups are you involved in?

If your gifts is seeing other peoples capabilities, what conversations are you setting up to explore that?

If your intuition and psychic ability is your strength, what experiences are you opening up to so that you can strengthen them.

If you gift is the gift of the gab, what are you doing each day to use this strength?

And how fulfilled are you feeling?

I love to write, but is it my strength? It is now. It was a curious interest for a lot of years, but I never believed I was a ‘writer’. That was for people who excelled at English at school, and while I did ok, I was no Tolstoy. It is a strength because I practice. A lot. I write A LOT…now.

And this isn’t about comparing my strength. If I compare it with a multi-award winning writer then no, it doesn’t look like a strength at all. But if I just look at how I feel when I am using this strength…I put it to the gift test.

Here are my 3 testers when I am looking at or for my gifts (yes I am still uncovering them).

  1. Does time just vanish when I am writing?
  2. Do I feel free and expansive and like this is FUN when I am writing?
  3. Do I receive positive feedback from people about my writing?

And I apply this to other things I do as well.

I’ve done with with heaps of clients as well! Turns out, some of us humans are far more gifted that we would believe!

You insert your thing where I have written writing…and see what happens.

Tell me, do you know what your strengths are. Your gifts? And how are you using them in the world?

I’d love to hear!

Big love

Jen

 

 

 

 

0

Friday Faves. It’s on! Lets play!

I love to share. SO much stuff. I love sharing resources. I love sharing things I feel connected. I love sharing stuff that is important to me. Although if you want to share my hot chips, you may get a chippy slap!

But I do love sharing stuff. I am not a “shhhh, don’t tell them about it because they might get more than you” or any other BS thing. I’m not a keep it to myself kinda chick…mostly.

So, because I love to share stuff each Friday I am going to get all “Friday Faves“.

So this Friday Faves, I want to share 5 of my fave heart touching songs!

f3af454c85db072f84c1c4571b8bf5f2

Those songs that just hit me. Give me chills. Make me want to play it over and over because it speaks to me. The lyrics. The melody. The music. The feel. The art. The creative genius.

AND I would LOVE to hear your FRIDAY FAVES as well and hear if my faves vibes with your faves. 

Here we go.

*hands clapping really fast with excitement*

These are in no particular order…I mean, I can’t choose a favourite…they are like my children! And I have to say is was VERY hard choosing only 5. I think I would have to do Friday Faves for a year to cover al the songs that I love.

But we will start here.

Break The Shell – India Arie

Rise Up – Andra Day

Glow – Ella Henderson

Save the Hero – Beyonce

Lighthouse – The Waifs

I hope that your Friday is full of faves as well.

And please, I am not kidding, I would love to hear your Friday Faves. Share the love.

Big love

Jen

xx

0

THIS is the real question!

You know the old question, what would you do with your life if money wasn’t and issue?

You know how most of us say, “Oh I would quite my job and buy a boat and sail around the world”. Actually, I don’t know anyone who has said that to me. Maybe my husband has. My husband loves boats. Ask him, he’ll tell you! Hmmm.

Yesterday my friend and I took a car trip to a beautiful spot in Northern NSW, to a place that always seems to recharge, inspire and invigorate me.

On the way home, while we were both trying to stay awake (hello sneaky vino at lunch), we played the “what would you do if money wasn’t and issue.

The temptation is to think of all the things you would do with the money. Like pay off the house, or move house, or build a house, or go on a holiday or buy a flash car or..you know, all the material stuff.

But this isn’t the question.

The real question is:

What would YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE if money wasn’t an issue? 

As we played with this question, I notices many things, but as I digested it later, I noticed that really, the things that we would do are actually really simple. Humble and yet so meaningful. Gentle even.

We broke it down into a week.

So what would the week look like?

For me, each day or at least one day would involve some creative expression.

Writing inspiring content.

Speaking about shit I am passionate about.

Dancing by myself and with others.

Each day or at least one day, would have some connection opportunity. Volunteering. Teaching. Meeting in groups to share our passions and creative expressions.

Music. I’d listen to music. I’d gift people music.

Each day would have some family time. But play time. Not serious homework stuff. Where all of are expressing our own unique gifts. Individually and collectively. We might even have Mrs Doubtfire come hang with us so that hubby and I can do some of that stuff together as well. Just us.

And everyday, I would learn something. Something inspiring. New. A new perspective. A new skill. A new way.

I’d be of service to humans who want to love their lives. And maybe to those who don’t even know that that they don’t love their lives.

I’d help folks who struggle with themselves.

I’d listen to folks. Deeply listen. And challenge the parts of themselves that aren’t open to love.

THIS is just SOME of the stuff that I would do if I didn’t have to worry about money. EVER.

Ironically, when I review the list, I see that well, for the most part, that is my life already.

So it is today, with gratitude I say, WHAT AN AWESOME life.

It is today I am grateful to the support of my husband.

It is today I feel ready to take another step up. Another step to use my life to create stuff.

Stuff that no body may care about. Just stuff that matters to me!

Trust!

Anyone ready to step up with me?

untitled-design

As always, I love to hear from you. Where you are. What you are up to. What you are creating! hearing form you matters to me!

Big, big love

Jen

xxx