Who Would Have Thought?

Right now, it’s 9am and I am still in my PJ’s and I. STINKING. LOVE. IT.

School holidays baby!

I’m reflecting own the year that was. I usually do that. But sometimes it can seem overwhelming and a bit like, “I don’t really want to go there” because sometimes I just don’t want to look at some of the ‘stuff’. Especially the stuff that I may have perceived didn’t go so well.

So this year I am using Marie Forleo’s 3 questions. Totally achievable for me!

Message me if you want the questions, or just check her website out here.

The first question is, “What one thing you did that you’re proud of”?

I closed my eyes and let my inner knowing take me where it wanted to go.

Flowing through my mind like water let out of the dam walls.

After a while, it slowed and meandered through the fine creeks.

And there it rested in a space that both surprised me and filled my heart.

This year I turned 40. In May. It feels like a long time ago that it happened now, because from January to July I was completely out of my zone.

At the beginning of the year I had viral meningitis related to Ross River Virus and I ended up with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome from all the stress that that experience had had on me.

The result.

I couldn’t exercise. I didn’t care what I was eating because I didn’t have the energy to care. I had to let go of a lot of work. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t mentor. I could barely walk. I couldn’t take the kids to school. I couldn’t pick them up. I couldn’t help with their homework. I couldn’t help out my mates.

I couldn’t see the gift in it at the time.

I was pissed.

At the universe. At my body. At the mosquito. At life. At the sun. At the rain. Pissed.

I was ill, but I wanted to feel better.

I knew deep in me somewhere I knew that it was going to take kindness, because god knows I have seen first hand what happens when we are mean. When we push. When we ignore ourselves. When we put on a mask of ‘I’m great thank you’. When we judge ourselves for falling ill. Like there is something fundamentally wrong with us. When we do that, we deny ourselves and our ability to feel what we are required to feel. As humans.

And when we don’t feel what is true for us, we get ill. I believe that. It is like truth trying to shake us awake. We are not paying attention to our authentic selves! But that is a whole other blog!

I was ill, but I wanted to feel better.

I knew it was going to take love to heal this. Being kind to myself while I was like I was. Doing activities I love. Activities of love….heal.  Our own love.

My loves.

I love acupuncture. So I did that.

I love singing. So I joined a singing group.

I love hanging with the fam. So, I did that. They climbed up on to the bed (where I spent a lot of time) and read to me. Told me stories of their days. Hubby cooked for us. And cleaned for us. And worked for us.

I love learning new things. So I propped my computer on a stool next to my bed and watched TED talk after TED talk. About healing. About death. About joy. About loss. About being an acrobat.

I love hanging with my soul friends. So I let them whisk me away for an amazing celebration for my 40th birthday! So blessed.

I love stepping outside my comfort zones, and so, I booked in to have professional photos done for my website.

I love spending time away from the usual life stuff. So, hubby sent me to Gwinganna for my birthday. Somewhere I had wanted to go like forever. Blessed.

I love creating workshops and so we did. Mother and Daughter Creative Connection. The Gathering. Drumming.

I love facilitating retreats for mums. Done!

The water of my mind caressed all of these moments.

Ha!

What would you guess my most proud moment was?

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Who of you would have thought the thing I would be most proud of was having my photo’s taken for my website? Well, when I consider my life journey, it makes a lot of sense.

Most of my life I have felt so down on myself about the state of my physical state. It’s appearance. Its intolerance for some foods. It’s shape. It’s everything. Insert eating disorders. Insert exercise addiction. Insert self attack. And then, when I feel like I had come such a long way and was feeling healthy….it let me down getting so ill…well!

So, for some, it wouldn’t be a big deal stepping in front of a camera. But for me, when I took the massive step of getting in front of a camera IT WAS HUGE!

Everything in me would normally say NO. “You’re not thin enough. You’re not fit enough. You’re not ready” Unless I was 10kgs lighter. Or fitter. Or thinner. Or younger, or…

But, I knew that part of my healing would come from this.

And it did.

But truth be known though, if it wasn’t for the photographer and her love and support, I would have pulled the pin. I absolutely know that.

I really feel that if we all had the opportunity to be guided through the process of capturing our real essence, our real selves, not the artificially done up self, then we all should have that.

If you are looking to challenge yourself next year, to take yourself out of your comfort zone, to do something just for you, or for your business I cannot recommend Michelle from Eyes of Love Photography enough. I CANNOT. It was a meeting of deep connection, where both of us received what we needed.

The universe is kind like that.

I am so proud I took this opportunity.

I am so proud I didn’t turn around when it started to rain.

I am so proud I allowed myself to feel the discomfort and do it anyway.

I am so proud I stayed true to me and chose an AMAZING make up artist to support me.

I am proud that I was able to unwrap the gifts my illness has brought me and continues to bring me.

Thanks to my sickness for so many things.

NOW, we’d love to hear what you are most proud of this year. No comparison. No judgement. No better than’s. Just you.

Share in the comments so we can all be proud with you!

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