There is a nursery rhyme that goes something like…Mary, mary, how does your garden grow?? That is about all I can remember, but it is a good question.
How does your garden grow precious one?
Do you want to grow and cultivate your own garden? Lush and sweet, producing such gorgeous vibrant fruit? Do you take care of it? Or do you want to ignore your garden and spend your life commenting on the gardens of others? Do you think your garden is better than everyone else and poke fun at their developing gardens?
Poking fun at their carrot tops and their not so perfect tomatoes. Judging them and telling them that their garden needs more of this, more of that. And all the while your garden is completely neglected and dead. Or so overgrown with weeds.
I’m not entirely sure what folks think of me really, because they only tell me what I want to hear mostly. That seems to be people thing to do. Because people are generally nice. Generally kind. Generally!
People are just people-ing the best they can. Right?
I am a people who puts their life out there. Out here. Not all of it, but much of it. Much to my husbands confusion and dismay at times. Which I completely understand.
And if I wasn’t clear on my intention, then I’d not do it.
I am sure that the whispers among the many at times are not supportive are judgmental are harsh. I am sure, because people are people and people do that people stuff it seems. I only know that because I have done that stuff.
And today, I am even more clear that those who bitch arse to me, not sharing to get some perspective, not sharing to see their part in it, but just bitch arse-ing about other folks about how they live their lives….they will be doing it about me too!
And I admit, I give folks lots of stuff to bitch arse about.
This bitch arse thing. This mean to other women thing. This “she just isn’t for me” bullshit, this “gee she’s put on weight” crap, this “she has it so easy” judgement arse-hole, this “how much work has she had” stab…..all that bitch arse stuff, that….that my beauty is the exact thing that is holding you back.
This looking at the garden over there and picking it to shit. That is holding YOU back. Not the gardener of the lush garden! They are too busy attending to their garden to worry the stink about what may or may not be being said. No good gardener is going to take any advice from someone who has never spent a moment attending to their own gardens!
I mean, it is written in the bible for shit sake! “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours garden”!
I wonder if the BIGGEST thing holding women back is what they are saying about other women!
And the BIGGEST reason women are holding themselves back from truly shining is that they have been bitch arse about other women.
You know it right?
If I shine too bright, then all the bitch arse things I have said about other people…well they are going to say that about me. Yowch!
If you get too ‘successful’ you have deal with the smack talk coming back to you that you have dealt out over the years.
If you want to start a new project, you are waiting for people to laugh and snigger and judge you in the same way you have done that to others.
Lets be honest.
We’ve done that.
We’ve got to get real about that.
And we’ve got to forgive ourselves for that!
Because if we don’t, we are limiting ourselves. We are dulling our lights.
So you smack talked and gossiped. Own it!
So you judged her as thinking she is too good. Put your hand up.
So you spoke about her crappy parenting decisions. You said it. Fess it.
You don’t need to go around pouring your story all over the people you have bitched about, but you do have to stop it. Not or them, but for you.
Because here is the next bit of truth you are going to love.
Whatever it is you are being a bitch about, whatever you slag on any other women, whatever mean thing you say…well beauty, that my love is really what you believe about you.
Right now, your brain will freak out and want to make me wrong. I get that. It feels shit to look at the truth when it bites. It feels far nicer to project it out there hey?
And this is part of the healing journey. A journey not everyone signs up for.
Some peoples are only interested in what other people are doing because it means they don’t have to face the truths about themselves.
Some people spend their whole lives judging the shit out of others and then are paralysed to live the life they TRULY want.
But all people are people-ing the best they can. You are too. Even when you are being mean.
But you have one shot in this body, this time around. How do you want to spend it beauty?
Bitching about the garden you envy, or asking the gardener who they made it so lush!
Being judgemental about how they created it, or lending a supportive word of encouragement and then not going and slagging off to someone else!
Maybe you will begin to notice how often you are being mean about someone else garden!
Mary, Judy, Gracey how does YOUR garden grow? Yes yours!
And if you ain’t attending to your own garden, I don’t nor does anyone want your gardening advice!
Roll your sleeves up and get in to your own dirt. Cultivate that. Water that. Fertilise that. Get weeds out of that! Get off the sidelines being a bitch and get in YOUR OWN garden!
Stop ripping yourself off from enjoying the lush fruit!
Speak kindly to yourself