Ever have those moments/ days/ weeks/ months when you are like, feeling super awesome about the direction in your life? You feel like you are in complete flow, synchronicity and purpose? You feel confident. Validated. Kicking goals?
AND THEN in a single moment, you feel like absolute shit-arse-bullshit-crap?
No? Well, let me tell you what it is like for me.
IT IS SUCK ARSE!
REALLY sucks arse. In SO many ways.
Recently I have been really following my heart in the direction I feel completely lead. Tapping into my gifts and really connecting with them. I am getting more and more clear about what it is I am creating and although I am not sure the EXACT image of what that is, it is unfolding and I am following it.
And then today, I applied the brakes SO hard that I got whiplash and a wedgie. Right up my crack.
So what the furk?
Well, I can tell you what the furk. I’ve been doing this work for long enough to know what the furk.
Human stuff. That’s what this is.
Human doubt. Human comparison. Human not good enough. Human bullshit.
But if it is true that we are ‘spiritual being having a human experience’ (and I am still not sure what the furk that actually means), but if we are, then this is what is true.
We are are held in the womb of our mumma for 9 months and the only thing that we need to do is BE. ALL else is taken care of. ALL of it. This little ball of spiritual energy is completely whole.
Then we pop out into the world and we are exposed to SO much stuff. And through all of it, we are learning and growing.
We are human, so we feel stuff. When our mum doesn’t come pick us up when we cry, we feel stuff. When our dad looks away from us when we are seeking connection. We feel stuff. When the pram falls forward and we fall out, we feel stuff.
That is the human part.
The spiritual part is, “hell yeah, what a ride this is”. The spiritual part is curious. It is open to new adventures. It is non judgemental. It is universal. It is peace.
The human part has forgotten about this and so it is constantly in survival mode without trust and without common sense (well mine anyway).
For ten years I have been journeying back to the spiritual aspect of me. And it has required a LOT of truth telling, A LOT of discomfort, A LOT of learning, A LOT of clearing.
I am still journeying, I am still learning and then thing that I know FOR SURE is that this journey is NOT a linear process. It is not just a one straight line deal where we walk through the swamp shit and then we are free and clean.
No, it is circular. Like life. Birth, life death, birth, life, death.
So, as a human, it makes sense that today, I fell flat on my arse. I fell hard and I jolted my heart. My brain. My butt.
AND thank FUCK!
Since then, I have had to draw on the most massive self compassion aspect I could muster. I have had to practice all that stuff I preach to other folks in my ‘life sermons’.
I have had to speak to myself like I would to my most valued friend. I have had to both listen to and silence all the shitty room mates that have been yelling at me all afternoon.
And I have had to come home to me. by overcoming all those shitty-ares-bullshit thoughts I was having about myself. I had to hear them. I had to feel them. It fuck it felt shit I have gotta say!
So, I write this tonight as a part of my human experience. To let you know that if you have been feeling like you can’t do that next thing for you because you feel like that you are not good enough, that you haven’t got enough experience, that you don’t have anything to offer, I want to tell you right now, THAT IS FUCKING BULLSHIT.
I tell you that, because that is what I tell myself.
So *insert YOUR name*, you ARE worthy. Your experience DOES matter. Not only does it matter but it is WHY you are here on this planet at this time! YOU have something unique and beautiful to offer the world and it ISN’T a PhD, it isn’t a clothes size, it isn’t a think out there, it is your unique experience!
Ugh. When I re-read this and put my name in, I cried.
Can you and I, right here, right now commit to being kinder to ourselves?
To speaking to ourselves like we would speak to someone we love so, so much?
The love that we would outpour on others that we love, is NECESSARY for us. Always, but especially when we are having a spiritual wedgie. Needed. Like air, like water!
Yes! Lets come home to kindness.
You with me?
That is all beauties.
Yours in vulnerable outpouring.
Fuck yeah…I am back! Flow is restored!
PS. I never proof read my writing, so if there are a whole lot of shitty mistakes, I know you won’t judge me, because I am an imperfect human. My heart writes and I follow!