Have you ever heard these old words, usually used by folks who don’t really know what else to say when you are going through a shit arse time…

You may have even heard them from me at some point on my journey…and if I have, I’m sorry!

What are the words?

“The Universe only gives you as much as you can handle”.

Those words.


Yeah, I reckon I have used them. I probably used them because I believed them at the time.

This whole idea that there is a force or a ‘being’ that sits in waiting and then says, “oh you haven’t had enough shit things this year, here you go”….and by some form of I don’t know what…down comes this thing from the ‘universe’ for your to ‘handle’.

I just don’t know if I believe that.

I’d believe that if the universe was an unkind entity. But so far, I can’t find anything that is unkind about the universe…and I admit, I am no astrophysicist or physicist or scientist or even that well read in the ways of the universe (so I am completely open to being schooled here).

So far, all I can see is this thing that we live in and on is nothing but kind.

Everything collaborating. Knowing it’s place. Owning its nature.

The thing that feels more true to me more and more, is that it isn’t the universe that is dishing out problems or things for us to handle.

Humans tend to be these really interesting creatures.

At the most basic level, they have these brain things that are designed to keep them alive and to procreate.

But you and I both know that there doesn’t seem a lot that is ‘uncomplicated’ about being a human.


One of the ‘complicated’ traits I have noticed and experienced myself, is the need to blame something or someone for what doesn’t seem to measure up with what we expect life to be.

The middle part of my life adventure to now, I spent A LOT of time looking for someone to blame for why I wasn’t living the life that I wanted. A life I wanted, but if you asked me what that was, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you.

But it was someone else’s fault that I didn’t know what I wanted too!


Blame our parents because they didn’t have their shit sorted (according to us).

Blame our school system because it wasn’t and still isn’t perfect.

Blame our partners because they don’t love us we expect.

Blame the universe when we are late for an appointment and then speed and then crash our cars…



When I was a blame-gamer I wasn’t living my best life. I wasn’t thriving. I wasn’t creating things I was proud of. I wasn’t warm. I didn’t live with an open heart. I was scared.

This interesting thing happened a while back.

I did this radical thing.

I stopped blaming other stuff!

Not cold turkey (or cold tofu if you are vega).

Gradually. And initially, not so gently.

When I started to wake up to what was limiting me, I did something else that wasn’t so helpful either!

I started blaming myself.

Everything I had blamed anyone or anything else for all came back on me. I think that was around the time that “The Law of Attraction” came into play. My interpretation was, “holy  shizbucket…I attracted all of this??


Must be a damn arse nasty person to get all this shit right?

I tried the self blame game on too. If it was heavy blaming others, then blaming myself was lead infused iron weight.


Finally, after trying on the blaming others outfit and the blaming myself outfit I found neither fitted so well.

Finally I learnt that blame, whether it’s directed out there or in here *pointing to the chest*, is “simply the discharging of discomfort and pain”. Thank you my teacher Brene Brown.



A lot of pain.

Old pain that just hadn’t been loved. Instead it had been rejected and punished and locked in a cold dark cupboard that spilled into a room..and the door stayed shut!

Finally, I am feeling lighter with the view that the universe is kind.

I actually  can’t know it for sure, I can’t prove it for certain, but I am finding that when I see it this way, if just feel lighter.

I’ve noticed that with this view, I still have what might be seen as crappy things happen.

But when I take out the blame by feeling the pain and discomfort, all I am left with is an experience that I am participating in.

Without the blame I am curious about what I might learn.

Without the blame I feel what I need to feel as a human who has feelings!

I am curious who I might meet.

Without the blame I am kinder to myself and kinder to others.

I laugh so much more.

Without the blame I have little need to talk about what other people may or may not be doing.

Without blame I can just be with folk and not need to fix anything or analyse or do.

Without blame I am responsible with what I choose to do with the situations I find myself in.

Without blame.

Huh. Imagine a world without blame….

And if I have muttered those words to you, it is just that I couldn’t deal with your pain and needed to look for a reason for why you are experiencing what you are experiencing!

Hopefully next time, I can be with you in your experience. No blame. No judgement.

Speak kindly to yourself

Big love

Jen (a woman finding her own way and hoping to help others find their own too).


PS: if you find yourself blaming someone else for your current circumstance, perhaps it is a call to investigate your own pain. If you want some resources to support this, drop e a line…I might be able to help hook you up.


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