I’ve been immersed in the genre of personal growth and spiritual exploration for many years now.
In this genre there is a repeated theme. “You are unique”. “You are different”. “Follow YOUR dream”.
For a long time, these little catch phrases were things I tried to embody, but it turned out that they were too small for all the complex and diversity of not just me, but other folk I observed too.
The personal growth world can actually be a lonely place if you adhere to these little catch phrases. It forces us outside the collective. It pushes us from the true social-ness of our beings.
Everything I am, everything I say, everything I write is a direct result of the social-ness-ness of me.
The books I have read, the parents I have had, the school I went to, the boyfriends, the girlfriends, the jobs, the holidays, the aeroplane trips, the songs during the car commutes, the guy who cut me off in traffic and flipped me the bird, the gluten free cupcake that made me gag…
All apart of my life tuition.
So often it is tempting to reject our experiences because we wish they weren’t that way. And often that rejection of what was, what is, is the exact thing that keeps us stuck.
So, while I know I am unique and I know that I am different, and while I follow my dream I know that none of it is done on my own or done alone.
Every encounter with life is a collaboration. Not a competition (despite the misinterpretation of Darwins ‘survival of the fittest’).
You and I are collaborating right now. You and I are having an experience together right now. Even though you may think that I am writing this for someone else or for me, I am actually writing BECAUSE of you, BECAUSE of me, BECAUSE of us.
You collaborated with your parents, your teachers, your friends, your bosses, your co-workers AND you are STILL collaborating with them.
So, are you still bitter and resentful that life didn’t give you the smoothest of runs?
Are you still angry that your parents were flawed, said and did things that were down right shit?
Have you intellectually healed, and say things like, “they have the problem not me”.
Are you still pissed that your grade 3 teacher put you down?
Do you still dry retch when you think of that gluten free cup cake (ok, that is me)…
Maybe you are looking at the life you created and you go, “damn, not this thank you”. And we can fight it. We can blame our partners, our parents, our kids, our boss…but we all know, deep down that we were a part of the collaboration we call our life.
We know this, but yet, we puff us and say, “I didn’t do anything wrong. I was simply meditating and they bust in on my calm. If they didn’t do that, I would be floating my way through life”.
It’s McDonalds fault because they make those burgers.
It’s the teacher who is overworked and underpaid fault.
It’s the other team cheating.
It’s them, it’s them…..
No, it is US. We create it together. Like water and flour make….a mess…and glue.
Yes, I am different but I am the same.
We might say, “I didn’t collaborate with ISIS…don’t include me in that”.
No, I didn’t either but I did gossip and alienate other folk. That causes pain.
I flipped out in anger and energetically hit folk with the flying debris of my unprocessed emotions. It caused pain.
This is not about blaming ourselves either.
It is about getting the truth that we are flawed creatures doing the bloody best we can in a world that frequently busts in on our zen!
What it really is about is forgiving ourselves for our humanity. Our same-ness.
Forgiving our folks for their crappy choices.
Forgiving the guy who drove like a damn maniac and made our hearts nearly explode.
Forgiving the drug addict who stole from the local store.
Forgiving ourselves for being dicks when things didn’t go our own way.
Forgiveness is not about saying that what happened was okay. It is about accepting that what happened is never going to change and we give up the hope that it ever will.
We do our own inner work to unstick that toxic energy that got stuck there that time when it was ‘them’.
Forgiveness is f*cking tough. It takes us to get pissed and feel whatever we really need to to really process the feelings of what we REALLY felt then. To press the pause button so it plays again. In my experience, we can’t do this fully, alone.
We must collaborate.
With elders. With wisdom. With teachers.
Curiously gathering perspectives other than the ones that keep us stuck in pain.
Who are you collaborating with right now? And are they on your team and are you on theirs? If not, you gotta ask why?
You are unique, you are different and you are willed to follow your dreams…but you are not meant to do it alone!
You are not alone…