Post 2 for the day…hope it is a bonus 😉
Some of you may have read about my white pages experience. If you haven’t small recap.
Not so long ago when I went out to collect the mail, I found the Gold Coast phone book dumped on my front lawn.
As I picked it up I grumbled about it to myself. “What am I supposed to do with this…haven’t they heard of the internet”.
Anyway, I threw it in the pantry not wanting to add to the landfill.
Later that week as I waited to see Brad my acupuncturist, the phone book was delivered to his practice. “There it is again” I thought. Collectively we had a bit of a grumble about it and I went into have my session.
I love acupuncture…and the experience for me is worthy of it’s own blog. So #willdothatsometime.
As I lay there in zen state it came to me.
“I know, I am going to write to people in the white pages. I am going to send cards and inside have inspirational messages”. I felt creatively inspired. And it was the first time in a LONG time I had hit the creative flow.
So I am up to card number 36 (out of 50 at this stage) and have sent 25 so far.
I have received a few messages asking how it is going, so I thought I would share.
What started out as a little creative venture has really inspired me to create more. More random acts of kindness challenges. More spreading the love. More spreading messages.
A week or so ago, I was tagged in a post on Facebook. Turns out, that the Gold Coast is a small place. Turns out, one of the people I sent a card to is an ex-next-door-neighbour of mine!
Here is a screen shot:
Can I tell you what happened in that moment for me?
The very first thing that happened was this. And this is really important for me to talk about, because I don’t reckon I am the only one who experiences this.
Whatever you might say, my decision to do this experience is based in creativity. A thought that wants to bring forth something in to the world.
Isn’t that all we are always doing. Bringing forth thoughts into the world. So isn’t it as true that we are constantly creating our experience? We are life artists. All of us.
As a creative, here is what happens though.
If I create in private and show it to no one I don’t risk rejection, criticism, judgement, vulnerability.
As soon as I put it into the world, I am exposed. I do this with my writing. With my thoughts. With my experiences. It takes real courage, but I didn’t realise how much it takes until I saw this post on Facebook.
My very first reaction, very, very first was this…”OMG look how shit my writing is. How do they even read that?”
*inserting my own jaw opening silence*.
You see, my inner critic is just waiting to pounce. Always. I have trained it that way.
In that first moment I wasn’t able to see the kind words, the impact it had had on someone or the 21 amazing comments that were listed below.
How often do we do that to ourselves? How often do we create something and no matter how many amazing comments, or support or positive feedback we receive it just doesn’t feel enough.
Since I began to open up my blocks I now understand why I do this.
My inner critic is sat, waiting, watching..ready to pull me back into the safety of no creativity. It reminds me of my humanness. It reminds me of my flaws. Of my past. Of my mistakes. Of my imperfections. It is loud.
But what happens when I don’t side with that part of me. What happens when I stand up for myself and say, “I hear you. I know you are afraid, but it is okay”.
Does it get quiet. No. It doesn’t.
So what have I done to help quieten my inner critic?
Soul searching, pain poking, therapy.
Skin poking, energy provoking acupuncture (I know, I have to write about that more).
Learning how to REALLY feel. Really access the real feeling. Not the self protecting BS. The real truth. MY real truth!
My way finding journey is one of the great unlearning.
My mentor and friend acupuncturist Brad calls me the “Un-teacher teacher”. He reckons I am a ‘creative genius’ (genius might be a bit strong) who’s job is teach the great un-learning and to get out in the public arena to do it.
Naturally (for me) my inner critic has a field day with this, but tonight I just want to say, “Sit the fuck down inner critic, I’m doing it my way and I don’t need your approval”.
I’m getting my creative onnnnnn!
So wayfinders, how do you feel about putting your creative endeavours out in the world?
Do you have a loud arse inner critic like me, or am I part of the minority?
Love to hear!
Jen: Wayfinder: helping others find their way as she finds hers.