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Yep. I’m doing it…it’s time we discuss this C word.

I know it has been talked about A LOT, and I am certainly not the first one to go there. But no one has been there in my way, so, I’m doing it!

The C word

Not, that C word…although it is a bit of a C of a thing.

Comparison.

Urgh. Not a topic I love to explore.

I don’t like to explore it because it means that I have to get real about it. about how I feel about it. And honestly, I have a crazy room mate in my head that just LOVES to compare.

I have an aspect that looks out into the world and says, “Gawd darn it, they are doing what I want to do and they do it so much better than I would be able to. I mean look at their following. I mean look at their flawless skin. I mean look at their flat guts. I mean look at how they write. I mean, I mean, I mean.

Ah yes…that aspect..yes you are “I mean”. Very “I mean”.

Mean!

I have this aspect; lets call it “Cutn” (see what I did there) and I wonder if any of you have it too.

Cutn loves to look around and report back to me why I could never do what I want to do because all the awesome-est folk are already doing it.

Cutn loves to tell me how there is no room left for my stuff. “It is already all done”.

Cutn says, “pft, they have PhD doofus”.

Sigh. Man. That aspect of me is a loud and mean.

It is funny, well not for cutn, but for the other room mates that this week I drew this card:

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Ha!

Yes!

Damn straight. Do stars fight over universal space? Well, I can’t know that they don’t for sure, but I am guessing that there is enough space for them all!

And trees, do they look at other trees and go, “I want their kind of foliage. I want mine to be more green. I want to be taller.”?

While I don’t know with absolute truth the answer to this, it is unlikely this convo is going on. It is more likely that they are just getting on with the business of just being the best version of their specimen and growing toward the sun. Done!

As most of you know I am a personal growth lover and spiritual explorer and am still finding my way. Hence calling myself a wayfinder.

In this industry of growth and spirituality, well, there are A LOT of beautiful voices!

A LOT.

Oprah.

Martha Beck

Deepak Chopra

Kris Carr

Elizabeth Lesser

Gabrielle Bernstein

Marie Forleo

Micheal Singer

Elizabeth GIlbert

Oh dear god the list!

It’s extensive and this is but a few of the voices.

So, why oh why would I have anything to say that could ‘compete’ with them?

Well, as my weekly contemplation card has reminded me, I have my own quirks and kinks that no one else has. And that is my super power. Knowing and embracing my super power!

My different-ness-ness.

You. Me. Our kids. None of us have ever been made in this combo before.

Trippy really when I consider that.

So, if that is true, well, lets get on with the business of being the full expression of that.

Lets just talk about stuff we love, even if folk talk about the same stuff. They don’t have our experience to add to it. They don’t see thorough our lens.

I have come to see (pun not intended) that sometimes the way I have interpreted my experience resonates with some other folk. And in that, we see that we are not that different. And well, maybe that is part of my superpower. Connecting to our humanness.

So little orange, don’t even compare yourself to other oranges. It just don’t matter. Just grow into the best damn orange YOU can be, irrespective of how the others are growing.

Live. Breathe. Love. YOUR own way!

It is time for wayfinder to unit. To accept our own unique ways as being not only enough, but divine!

If you are an orange, cheer on your orange buddies. If you are an apple cheer on your apple buddies and while you oranges and apples are at it, cheer on the strawberries, the olives and the carrots.

The world needs more cheerleading fruit (great image that)!

Shine on you unique expression of the universe!

The world needs your way!

Big love

Jen

Wayfinder (yes, I hate labels but this is the closest I can find to title myself)

xxx

1

Three words that have SERIOUSLY transformed my life. No really!!

 

For a LONG time, NO the LONGEST time I have gotten frustrated with the box-kinda-label-thing-we-do-to-people…or really, the feeling that I needed to box myself up and put a label on it to explain who I am and what I do! I am sure I have driven my nearest and dearest crazy sometimes with this dilemma!!!

Maybe you know how it goes, “Hi, my name is Jen and I am a …*insert label*”.  Or, “Hi there, this party is great right? So what do you do”? *insert expectation to explain all of me in an “elevator pitch”.

Labels. Boxes. I am not a fan. Stationary yes. Labels…no! Not these days anyway.

I don’t like that I need to be limited to a title. I just don’t.

I am so many things, and I imagine I will be many more different things in the future. What I did last week, might not be what I do this week.

Blah.

The use of labels and boxes frustrates the boozonkas out of me. One thing I know with deep clarity  about myself (thank you all that personal growth work) is when something frustrates me, it is a call for me to get really curious and find out what bugs me really and then turn it into something awesome. That is the kind of alchemy and transformation I  have come to love.

I started to notice that anytime someone would ask me “what do you do?”, I would get the prickles and go all tense and all nervous and feel really uncomfortable. Was I ashamed of what I did? Did I not value it?

The truth is, I really didn’t know how to limit down all the stuff I do, into one little word or sentence. I didn’t like then having to explain it. It all just seemed so big and encompassing.

During a wayfinding session with a client, I heard myself say something that was clearly a message for me as much as it was for them. As we explored where they were in their life and the pain and discomfort it was bringing I asked them to explore what this experience meant to them. She said she felt “trapped, stuck. overwhelmed. I just don’t know what I am supposed to do”.

Her body was slouched. Her face drawn and sad. Her shoulders drooped. Chest con-caved. All classic depressive signs.

I asked if we could try something out and see how it felt.

So, we went back over the way she described the experience and I asked her to say, after each description, 3 little words and see how it feels.

“Ok”, she said clearly not convinced.

I asked her to say, “I feel trapped…at the moment”. I feel stuck…at the moment”. I feel overwhelmed…at the moment”. “I just don’t know what to do…at the moment”.

We said it again and really emphasised AT THE MOMENT.

Her body changed. Her face lightened. She seemed to sit up straighter.

***Oh and as a side note, I asked her is she wouldn’t mind me writing about this***

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What happened here?

The brain believes what we tell it. It’s job is to create story so that it can understand. It isn’t worried if it is true or not. If we repeatedly lock in to the story, “I am stuck” our brain goes good, I understand that…even if it makes us miserable.

But if we open up to the POSSIBILITY that it MIGHT not be this way for ever, the brain starts looking around for another story to make sense of. So give it one. Maybe I will not be stuck next week. Maybe I will have a career change, maybe I will. So, I am stuck at the moment…that might change…right?

The brain will then freak out. What do you mean you don’t know??? Panic. Panic. MUST HAVE CERTAINTY!!! 

We can’t know the outcome of anything. As much as we would like to control what life looks like, we just can’t. But what we can do, is be real and honest about where we are right now. How we feel right now. And allow our mind to calm giving it the story it can understand. “At the moment we are having a bit of a shit time”. “At the moment I am exploring new ways to express myself”. “At the moment I am therapy to get support with some dysfunctional family patterns”. “At the moment my health isn’t optimum”.

AT THE MOMENT!

Sometimes there are storms and those storms can cause massive destruction. An illness. A divorce. A betrayal. Loss of a job. Messy, painful storms.

But what if, in the midst of a storm, when we are holding on for dear life we can say, “My life feels like a massive fucking debacle of a shitty, shit storm at the moment?

Tell the truth!! You can’t change what you aren’t willing to see!

What if we create a gap to consider that this may pass? We can’t know for sure if it will or won’t (but looking at nature, all storms pass), but by just being open to the possibility this moment may change…well, perhaps you could try it out.

I’ve been trying it out.

When people ask me, “What do you do?”, I just say, “Well, at the moment I am writing a bit, sending some cards to some folks, loving my family, and enjoying a new exercise program and preparing for my next creative venture”.

Ahhhh. Oh, the exhale!

No box. No title. No pressure to get it right.

It’s just a story that I like to be a character in…at the moment.

Next week, who knows what my story will be…but I can’t wait to find out!!

I’d love to hear if this is something you do, or something you would be willing to try out and let me know how it goes! 

Keep being kind to yourself.

Big love

Jen (a woman finding her way and helping others find theirs too).

xxx

 

 

 

 

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The Love Letter Project…Do you want to be involved?

Hi lover-ers.

Here is a 9 minute rundown on what the Love Letter Project is. I would love your input, creative ideas and if you want to be involved, please put your hand up with HOW you want to be involved.

LOVE LETTER PROJECT BLURB BY JEN

I have recently received a message from a woman in Melbourne who wants to get it going down there, so we can share the love globally!

Some people are donating cards, stamps, and others are just taking inspiration and passing it on.

I’d love to have a group of us, committed to love sharing…and inspiring others to do the same!! <3 <3

Oh and if you are someone who practices random acts of kindness, share with us what you do, so we might be inspired to take that on as well. xx

Big big love

Jen

xx

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A Message to You, From a Messanger of Mine.

If you are in a place where you feel like you on the edge of something great, something that is longing to find it’s way into the world….this is for you.

India I one of many other Wayfinders who have helped me find my way too!

Click on the little blue heading below and read along as you listen to her call to you. xx

Big love

Jen : Wayfinder

India Arie – Break the Shell

Lyrics
I met a prophet dark as the night
She could see into my soul
Said she’d been watching and had some advice
She said shadows make you whole
A life without pain is a wolf in sheep’s clothes
Cause if you listen to the lessons that it holds
You’ll find the gold

Child it’s time to break the shell
Life’s gonna hurt but it’s meant to be felt
You cannot touch the sky from inside yourself
You cannot fly until you break the shell

I can remember when I was a child
How the grown folks seemed so crazy
Why are they so angry, why are they so loud?
And when I grow up that’s never ever gonna be me
That was the moment that I decide
That I would build a wall just shy of six feet tall
Too strong to fall

Child it’s time to break the shell
Life’s gonna hurt but it’s meant to be felt
You cannot touch the sky from inside yourself
You cannot fly until you break the shell

Courage is not being hard
It’s time to peel back all of the layers
You put between who You’re meant to be
And who You are
And go be who You are

So much disappointment to finally understand
That there is no such thing as perfect
Were all simply doing the best that we can
And we have a choice to live or truly be alive

Child it’s time to break the shell
Life’s gonna hurt but it’s meant to be felt
You cannot touch the sky from inside yourself
You cannot fly until You break the shell

Child it’s time to break the shell
Life’s gonna hurt but it’s meant to be felt
You cannot touch the sky from inside yourself
A bird cannot fly until it breaks the shell

Do with these words what you will
It’s time for us to be for real
You’ll be stuck on the ground until
You finally break the shell

3

Update on “Letters of Love to Strangers” Experience.

Post 2 for the day…hope it is a bonus 😉

Some of you may have read about my white pages experience. If you haven’t small recap.

Not so long ago when I went out to collect the mail, I found the Gold Coast phone book dumped on my front lawn.

As I picked it up I grumbled about it to myself. “What am I supposed to do with this…haven’t they heard of the internet”.

Anyway, I threw it in the pantry not wanting to add to the landfill.

Later that week as I waited to see Brad my acupuncturist, the phone book was delivered to his practice. “There it is again” I thought. Collectively we had a bit of a grumble about it and I went into have my session.

I love acupuncture…and the experience for me is worthy  of it’s own blog. So #willdothatsometime.

As I lay there in zen state it came to me.

“I know, I am going to write to people in the white pages. I am going to send cards and inside have inspirational messages”. I felt creatively inspired. And it was the first time in a LONG time I had hit the creative flow.

So I am up to card number 36 (out of 50 at this stage) and have sent 25 so far.

I have received a few messages asking how it is going, so I thought I would share.

What started out as a little creative venture has really inspired me to create more. More random acts of kindness challenges. More spreading the love. More spreading messages.

A week or so ago, I was tagged in a post on Facebook. Turns out, that the Gold Coast is a small place. Turns out, one of the people I sent a card to is an ex-next-door-neighbour of mine!

Here is a screen shot:

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Can I tell you what happened in that moment for me?

The very first thing that happened was this. And this is really important for me to talk about, because I don’t reckon I am the only one who experiences this.

Whatever you might say, my decision to do this experience is based in creativity. A thought that wants to bring forth something in to the world.

Isn’t that all we are always doing. Bringing forth thoughts into the world. So isn’t it as true that we are constantly creating our experience? We are life artists. All of us.

As a creative, here is what happens though.

If I create in private and show it to no one I don’t risk rejection, criticism, judgement, vulnerability.

As soon as I put it into the world, I am exposed. I do this with my writing. With my thoughts. With my experiences. It takes real courage, but I didn’t realise how much it takes until I saw this post on Facebook.

My very first reaction, very, very first was this…”OMG look how shit my writing is. How do they even read that?”

*inserting my own jaw opening silence*.

You see, my inner critic is just waiting to pounce. Always. I have trained it that way.

In that first moment I wasn’t able to see the kind words, the impact it had had on someone or the 21 amazing comments that were listed below.

How often do we do that to ourselves? How often do we create something and no matter how many amazing comments, or support or positive feedback we receive it just doesn’t feel enough.

Since I began to open up my blocks I now understand why I do this.

My inner critic is sat, waiting, watching..ready to pull me back into the safety of no creativity. It reminds me of my humanness. It reminds me of my flaws. Of my past. Of my mistakes. Of my imperfections. It is loud.

But what happens when I don’t side with that part of me. What happens when I stand up for myself and say, “I hear you. I know you are afraid, but it is okay”.

Does it get quiet. No. It doesn’t.

So what have I done to help quieten my inner critic?

Therapy.

Yep.

Seriously.

Therapy.

Soul searching, pain poking, therapy.

Acupuncture.

Yep.

Skin poking, energy provoking acupuncture (I know, I have to write about that more).

Learning how to REALLY feel. Really access the real feeling. Not the self protecting BS. The real truth. MY real truth!

My way finding journey is one of the great unlearning.

My mentor and friend acupuncturist Brad calls me the “Un-teacher teacher”. He reckons I am a ‘creative genius’ (genius might be a bit strong) who’s job is teach the great un-learning and to get out in the public arena to do it.

Naturally (for me) my inner critic has a field day with this, but tonight I just want to say, “Sit the fuck down inner critic, I’m doing it my way and I don’t need your approval”.

I’m getting my creative onnnnnn!

*exhale*

So wayfinders, how do you feel about putting your creative endeavours out in the world?

Do you have a loud arse inner critic like me, or am I part of the minority?

Love to hear!

Big love

Jen: Wayfinder: helping others find their way as she finds hers.

xx

 

4

The BS of Busy and other BS stories we tell

A few blog posts back I wrote about my create block and about how as I have began to shift the emotional blocks, creativity has started to flow again.

I received a fair amount of feedback from that and learnt a lot just from the process of putting my process out in to the world.

Someone asked me if I felt I found my creativity again because I had time to explore it. Down time through clearing my plate (thank you illness). Well, I thought, that is a possibility. But actually, it didn’t feel true. Not true for me.

As I look around the world, as I listen to clients, to friends, to groups of mothers who gather at parties I hear repeatedly this thing about how busy everyone is. I see woman charging head first in to career and family and sports events and their marriage and dinner and and and…. Not only do I see them, I was one and probably as a result will always be a recovering Bullshit Busy Babe.

This may not be your truth at all, but here is what I reckon is really going on with this busy thing.

Busy is a drug we are addicted to that keeps us disconnected from how we REALLY feel about ourselves and our lives.8ae35852e081ef899c3375497a7ddaaa

Busy means I don’t have to have a fucking hard look at how I do life. I don’t have to look at how I interact with those who are close to me. I mean, I am too busy to really sit down and have uncomfortable conversations about how I REALLY feel. I don’t have to own that I CHOOSE how I get to create my life. I get to blame everyone else who is getting in the way of me living my best life.

Busy means I don’t have to set boundaries. It means I don’t have to say NO when I mean NO. It means when someone says, “Can I have a chat about my business with you over coffee”, you have to get uncomfortable and say, “Absolutely, I have these times and these are my rates”.

It means I don’t have to get therapy or see a coach or do a workshop in order to understand what is really true for me and to be vulnerable and ask for support because I can’t do it all on my own. It means I don’t have to experience healing from great pain that I may have suppressed along the way. It means I don’t have to say, “I don’t know”.

And why would I want to have a conversation about how I really feel because the truth is, I don’t god-damn know. So I’ll keep busy, numbing the truth. Numbing out that I feel like I am not living my life’s purpose but don’t know what it is…I’ll numb out that I feel like I am not worthy. I’ll let people think I have my shit together…I mean, look at all I can do.

I’ll stay busy.

I’ll stay busy so that I don’t have to look you in the eye and say, “I feel so sad that I feel this way, but I am not willing to do what I know I have to to change.

I’ll stay busy. I’ll stay a victim of my circumstances.

Stay disconnected. Stay in this familiar discomfort.

Busy becomes the story. It becomes how we get attention. It is how we get recognition.

“I don’t know how you do it,” they say.

“Wow, you are amazing that you can fit it all in”. Feelings of worthiness come from ‘the more I do the better I am’…and if that is TRUE, then why is there a shit load of folk zipping around feeling absolutely unworthy, unfulfilled and tense to the extreme?

Why?

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The F word.

Fear.

Afraid that if I actually admit that I am living an unfulfilled life, I am going to have to make changes. Changes that could be volcanic and wipe out all that I have known to be true. Changes that may mean I need to leave my job or leave that relationship, or have that conversation with a loved one that is going to be as uncomfortable as shit. It means I will have to do something different to the way I have always done them.

When I say, “I can’t” what I am really saying is, “I won’t” or “I haven’t tried”.

Oh and what about the ‘It’s alright for you’….some of you will be starting to tell it already as you read this.

Busy folk are the best at telling the ‘It’s alright for you’ story. “Oh it is alright for you, you don’t have to work full time”. “It’s alright for you, you have your health”. “It’s alright for you, you don’t have 4 kids”. “It’s alright for you, your husband is supportive”….”It’s alright for you…blah blah.

I get it. I have done a lot of the “it’s all right for you” bullshit stories. Why? I mean really? Why are we projecting this story?

Yep, it is the F word again.

I am afraid that if I actually expand my vision in to just the sheer possibility that I could actually do something different I then would have to, yes, actually DO something different.

We live in a country that fortunately we don’t walk around rushing off to work with guns to our heads.

We might say, “well, we have mouths to feed, houses to pay for, designer clothes to wear to work……”. And I hear that. I can have my head in the cloud sometimes, but I hear that.

But this isn’t REALLY about money is it? That is just another BS story. “If I had more money I would….”.

Lets get really curious here.

Why are you REALLY busy?

Do you feel like if you aren’t busy you won’t fit into the cool gang who are just so busy and important doing busy and important things? So you’ll be rejected.

Do you feel like you won’t be able to keep up with the Jones’s? So you won’t feel worthy.

Or is it because you really don’t know why you are making the choices you are making. That maybe you are making choices because you believe that is what you SHOULD be doing?

Is it because you don’t know what makes your heart sing? About what lights you up?

You are afraid that you will have to make tough decisions?

What does Dr Phil say ALL the time?

“You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge”

But maybe we don’t REALLY want to change??? So why acknowledge it??

If you are saying, “it is alright for you” or “you don’t know what it is like in my world, don’t you know I run a small village”…yep, I don’t know what it is like in your world, but I know INTIMATELY the bullshit stories that keep us living a life that is truly OUR OWN WAY!

Is it possible that the story you are writing isn’t actually the one you TRULY want to write for you OWN life.

Is it possible you are making decisions out of a place of should, fear, victim?

Is it possible that you can live a full and vibrant life? Of course it is, but it won’t come without some push back. Without resistance. It just won’t.

You are not alone. Right with you as you find your way.

Be kind…and notice if you are beating yourself up internally right now. Put down the beating stick. Hold my hand. Lets walk together.

Jen: Wayfinder. Helping those find their OWN way as she finds hers.

xxx

 

4

Are you sick of seeking? What if it who you were meant to be?

Recently I have been having conversations with clients and friends and myself about this whole BIG thing….”What I am I here to do?”

Phew. Big question right?

Some will seek the answer by consulting a psychic. “Surely they will know what is best for me”.

Some seek the answer by seeing a therapist. “Surely they will give me the answer”.

Some seek books. Some seek the internet. Some their family. Some their horoscopes.

I get seeking. I am a deep seeker. A seeker of all kinds.

Lately, I have been very curious about the seeker archetype. The seeker in me.

Curious about my own kind of seeker drive.

As I have bathed in the curiosity I have been wondering things like, “is everyone a seeker?” “Is there anything wrong with being a seeker”? “Does it go against the here and now philosophy that we all hear is the way to be in the world?”

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Here is what I have come to see.

All the teachers in all the world are human. Human beings are embodied with their own perspectives, how they see the world. What they believe is true and real. Of what is right and wrong. I can’t see out the eyes of anyone else, and they certainly can’t see out the eyes of me. I can’t see deep into them, I can only see deep into me (and let me tell you what a journey that in itself is…well has been for me)!

Humans are flawed. All of them. And ALL of them, all of us have our own very unique and personal journey through life.

One of my favourite teachers and writers and Omega Institute Co-FOunder: Elizabeth Lesser, in her book “Broken Open –  How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow” says that in all her experience she has come to see only one real truth.

For many years as a facilitator at the Omega Institute, she met with some of the worlds most revered spiritual teachers. Organising classes for them to teach, getting accommodation sorted. Menus. Special items that they needed to feel comfortable.

And this was the truth that she has come to see.

That all the teachers, those who have reputations as gurus and enlightened beings are in fact, still VERY human! They can still get irritated in traffic. They can still get colds and have sleepless nights worrying. They still refuse to pay for meals that are in their opinions substandard. They are human. We are human. We are all humans finding our OWN way.

So then, how can someone know what is RIGHT for ME?

How can anyone know what is right for YOU? I mean really?

The most sensible advice I think I have heard from a teacher was this…and it wasn’t first hand and to my face, so I don’t know if he actually said it…but you get me…

“Don’t blindly believe what I say. Try it out for yourself and see if it is true for you”.

Who said a version of that. Buddha said that. And since then there have been a LOT of folk say various translations of that.

Find what is TRUE for you.

But what does that mean?

Well, it means that yes, you will have to seek. Right?

Well, maybe it doesn’t for you. Maybe it just doesn’t.

Me on the other hand. This human. This human with all her flaws, all her negative self talk, all her creative expression, all her doubts all her light….

Well, this incarnation…she seeks….at the moment! And, along the way, she finds. AND as she finds, she shares. And that may change.

So when people look at me and think, “man she shares WAY too much out there”, I get it. I really do. But what if this is part of my journey. Part of my learning experience?

I get that people are used to being private in their worlds and sharing all the gloss on FaKebook. Hell, I am guilty of that.

At the moment (and I always say that because we are always changing and growing), I am committed to seeking out cool and interesting ways to do life and bringing the wisdom into my life…trying stuff on to see what makes sense to me. Then passing on the learnings to others, so that the path may be lit. That feels just awesome and purposeful to ME.

It is an opportunity to experience my life, my way. Falls and all. Ups and all. Struggles and all.

IT IS OK.

YOU ARE OK.

WE ARE OK….aren’t we?

Maybe it is time for you to get ok with the way YOU do life. And if you aren’t ok with how you do life….put your explorer pants on and get seeking. Seek YOUR truth. And I know, that along the way you are going to find more than you ever thought you would.

You’ll trip on stone stuff, fall on your face, rise strong with support, learn and grow….

But you have to break out of the safety of your cotton wool.

My job as a way finder is to really support folk to find their own way back to their own truth. I use a bunch of stuff to help them navigate and when they have all the tools they need, they move on to seek in their own way. But mostly, I use my humanity. My deeply flawed and full of love humanity.

“Sometimes the most helpful guides are those who are only a few paces ahead of you on your healing path. Who better to lead you through the woods than someone who has struggled with similar issues?” Elizabeth Lesser (Broken Open).

What if seeking is just part of exploring the terrain of humanity. Part of being human?  What if seeking IS what you were here to do? To seek. To learn. To grow. To teach? And what if it isn’t?

What if our resistance to try new things is the very thing that keeps us stuck?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on seeking, so please comment below.

Oh and if you feel like there is someone who you feel is at ill-ease with their journey right now, maybe you could pass this on to them. 🙂

With you on the journey fellow way finder.

Be kind.

Jen Lean : Wayfinder

xx

4

How I am recovering from my creative block

Often when you talk to people about creativity, they put themselves in to either the camp of creative or the camp of “I don’t have a creative bone in my body”. While I could go on (and I am sure I will at a later date) about the fact that we are all creative and I can tell you why…I am not going to this time. I have something I want to say about creativity.

About my own creativity.

For many years now, I have been creating all sorts of cool things that I have enjoyed.

A t shirt company called Positive Threads with my co-creative Jay. We threw ourselves head first into creating inspiring t’s to send love out into the world with a message on each. One of inspiration and some of affirmation. That was maybe 5 years ago now. We sold them online, in shops and at the markets. We learnt SO much about the process of creating something that we love, not to mention business in general.

As our business reached that level where it required more investment to grow it to the next phase, both of us had to ask whether we wanted to invest more time and money in the creation.

With 6 kids between us, we needed to be really clear if that is that was the path we wanted to go down. Both of us knew that while we absolutely COULD do it, didn’t mean that that is what we truly WANTED to do.

So, we said NO to taking it to the next step and revisited what is was that we REALLY wanted to spend our time creating.

After we dissolved Pos Threads, I went on to study Life Coaching and more recently, Yoga Teacher Training. Both avenues geared to still helping folk, like in my old Registered Nursing days, but just in a different way.

Soon, Jay and I joined forces again and we created Soul Oxygen Retreats. A boutique style retreat designed to help mothers reconnect with their true selves. To step away from all the duties they take on and spend some time focussed on their own growth. We LOVE doing that, so we did more and next year we have more! Yay. We love that.

Anyway, what has all this go to do with creative blocks? Good question…trust me, I’ll get there…

If anyone has read any of my past blogs, you will know that I had a small issue of being pretty darn unwell physically for the first half of this year (I am much improved if you are interested 😉 )

This unwell-ness hit me at a time when I was planning great creative things. Great stuff to help and support others in their growth. Needless to say, when the illness struck, it left me kind of flailing. Trying to understand wtf what happening. I mean, REALLY happening.

I know enough about this life gig to know that life gives us what we need…not what we want…well, sometimes it gives us what we want (yes, settle down law of attractioners).

Life gave me a HUGE lesson and still is teaching me as I sit here now.

One of the lessons am still learning in the lesson of emotional avoidance. Or actually, more honestly, it isn’t actually a lesson about emotional avoidance it is an opportunity to explore the fact that I have been pretty emotionally evasive for a lot of my life.

This truth seems to be at the core of my physical illness. Holding on to A LOT of unprocessed emotion. Emotional expression that didn’t find it’s way to the surface, multiple times over multiple years. Locked down. repressed. Held tight.

What this way-finder has found is that when us humans have emotional experiences along the way that are not completely processed, it is like hitting the pause button on the expression. That pause button stays held until the body says, “enough…I can’t hold this anymore”.

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I read a thing recently about a psychologist who stood in from to her class, held up a half filled glass of water and said to the class. “So class, is this glass half empty or half full”. Sniggering the class mumbled and giggled, rolled eyes and commented in all the expected ways. The teacher stood, arm stretched out with the glass in her hand, waiting for the response she was anticipating. The response didn’t come. Soon she started to grimace.

The class asked her if she was getting frustrated with them because they weren’t responding as she had expected.

The teacher took a deep breath and said, “It really doesn’t matter how much water is in the glass, it matters how long you hold it. It is causing me such pain right now”.

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Imagine for a moment. Imagine that each time we felt pain, we actually acknowledged “ouch, this is pain”…and then put the glass down.

Imagine when someone says something and it hurts your feelings you say, “uh yowch, pain!” Imagine instead of going silent or pretending we weren’t affected and holding tight to the glass… we said, “whoa that really hurts”. What would that be like?

Me, I am someone that when I am hurt, you are unlikely to know it. Unless of course, you encounter me after I have stockpiled an amount of ouches and then you give me a wee jab and hit a thorn that was probably embedded many years ago…you may get a sense “mumma aint happy” then.

Phew…so, the creative thing?

Yes, the creative thing.

I have been blocked creatively this year. My writing. My ideas. My inspiration. BLOCKED.

Again, I am experienced enough to know (thanks to a LOT of Brene Brown stalking) that if we block one emotion we block ALL emotions. The filter is non-selective. Block pain = block joy. Block disappointment = blocked creativity.

Block stuff = blocked stuff.

I tried all my usual tricks to unblock, but couldn’t.

Even a heart surgeon cannot operate on her own heart, sometimes she needs support.

So, I thought I would seek some support. My support is in the way of mentors and therapists. Yes plural!

Turns out, my blocks are completely emotional. Unprocessed pain. Unprocessed emotion.

Sure, some may say, “if you go looking for stuff you will find it right”. and I would say, “Uh ha..yes you are likely to….but who knows what else you may find”.

I am finding stuff. Hidden stuff. Stuff that if I hadn’t have gone looking I wouldn’t have found.

I am finding more inspiration. More wisdom. More creativity….AND it is as uncomfortable as f#$k at times. But god damn it, I am worth it. I am worth the effort. I am worth being supported.

If I want to support others as they find their way (and by the way that is my life calling), I sure as shit need to be supported finding mine!

Yes, there is pain there, and right, who wants to feel that pain? I mean, the reason it is there is that I didn’t have the skills to process it at the time right? I mean, who shows us how to feel through the disappointment of divorce or the pain of abuse? If we aren’t shown, we just make shit up to survive. Thats what humans do!

The creative block thing…the solution for me…

Stop trying so hard. Stop freaking out that it won’t come back. Start asking questions.

Like, when the white pages arrives on your door step and you ask, “what am I supposed to do with this”, be prepared for the answer to come when you are laying on the acupuncturists table. Be prepared for the answer to be, “write to people in the book. You love to write, you love to give little notes of inspiration, so, use the book. Randomly select names and write to them”.

Um what?

“Well, you love to write, you know how yum it feels to receive something in the mail that isn’t a freaking bill. Remember when we used to get mail all the time? Before the internet?  I know right (clearly I am woman over 30…oh alright..40).

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I started 2 days ago and I have had a flood of creative inspiration.

Removing the stuck energy of pain has opened up the flow of creativity to flow.

Who knows where it will go, but I trust that it is moving in the direction of love, and if that is true, only super cool learning can come. Pain or no pain, it is worth it!

Ahhhhh, the old saying, “this too shall pass” is really playing out as something I can say is true.

I am feeling the vibe again.

More honestly I am FEELING again. Full stop.

So my loves, this may or may not be an overly long an wordy blog as they can be and certainly usually are, but no matter…this one is for me…

Speak kindly to yourselves

Jen xxx