If you have been reading anything I have written this year, you will know that my intention for the year was to learn how to slow down. How to really embrace and fall into the experience of being.
Little did I know at the time (although I kinda did know), this intention would be the doorway into a forest exploration that I really didn’t anticipate.
A few months back, I was accepted to write and article for a new up and coming magazine.
To be accepted, we had to submit some stuff we had written int he past and to pitch 3 concepts with a couple of sentences that explain the concept.
Of the 3 I pitched, the one chosen by the editor with a resounding “I LOVE THIS”, was titled “The BS of Busy”.
Busy, a concept I have been exploring deeply in my life recently!
But what do I REALLY know about busy. About doing. Clearly I knew a thing or two, but I was left wondering..why do I know busy? Why is busy here? Why is busy something we explain our lives to be?
Now I am not a president of a country. I am not a CEO of a global company. I am not even an employee or an employer, so when people look at my life from the outside they could quite reasonably say, “god, she thinks she is busy, she should live my life”. And frankly, they could say this and possibly do.
And they could be right!
In the last five years though, as I collectively supported and participated in the creation of a T Shirt label, re-learnt a new trade so to speak and set up my own coaching business, ran workshops, did one on one coaching, blogged, primarily cared for 3 small kiddies, was studying to become a yoga teacher, went on adventures, created Soul Oxygen Retreats; I saw something happening.
Something was happening, and while it was awesome, something felt off balance.
Underlying all I do, ultimately exists an intention to serve. So support. To help. I love it. I love it. I love it!
Hang on. I am doing all this stuff I love and yet I am exhausted. I am unwell. How?
How when you can love something so much, does it seem busy, does it take so much energy? Shouldn’t it just feel like it is in flow? Shouldn’t it just be effortless. Shouldn’t the energy just pour right back in?”What is this off balance sensation?”
So many questions. Questions I have been marinating in for a while.
Advanced Way-Finder Elizabeth Gilbert in her piece Saying NO to the things you LOVE pretty much delivered up the universal big arse-cheek slap to me! “Jennnnnnnnn!! HEAR THIS”. It said. Really, you gotta read it.
After I read it, I had to kinda let it swirl around me. I had to shelve it and come back to it. I knew there was something big in the message…
Of ALL the activities I ‘do’ in the world, how many of them are just FOR ME?
FOR ME? For MY life calling. For MY higher experience. For MY peace?
Oh the divine, uncomfortable, intriguing silence!
In the beautiful yet unsettling silence, the real, honest truth I have allowed to surface.
As a creative, as a way finder, I am always enticed and excited about possibilities and experiences. I get easily energised by the prospect of an adventure. Shiny, bright, exciting.
But it has become obvious to me know, that these adventures, while I am energised, still require my energy to participate. Preparations, logistics, organising, details, money, time, late nights, over-stimulated brain…over time, takes it’s toll.
Finally, as I have had to rest, to slow down and explore this crazy, loveable yes-ness about me, I have uncovered the truth in the forest. I finally really get why I am here. Exhale! …more on that to come.
In the meantime, if I have said no to you recently, know I love you and I am not letting YOU go. I am simply honouring ME first.
Jen – A way finder who is still finding her way.
Oh and PS – that article I wrote…you’ll see it when it’s published, I’ll be sure to let you know! xx