I wonder which way I would have gone?

I met a woman the other day.

We were just chatting away and I’m not entirely sure how we got there but she told me something she had never told anyone before. And it took my breath away.

After the birth of her 3rd child, who like me had 3 kids in 3 years, she found herself in a place where she didn’t really know herself. When she looked in the mirror, she couldn’t see herself.

Seemingly, her husband at the time couldn’t see her either and did the only thing he knew how to do. He took his wife, dropped her off at the doctors and said, “Go get them to fix whatever is broken here”.

Dazed and confused she went to see the doctor.

At the time, she lived in a small town, where services were scant and a lot of the ‘help’ in town was old and outdated. But familiar.

On this day however, a new doctor had started at the practice. A new doctor who saw the value in deep help rather than surface band aid help.

As this woman confusingly sat in front of this doctor and said, “My husband said I need to fix this. I need you to fix me”.

The doctor sighed and proceeded to write a bunch of stuff.

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Silence filled the room for all but the sound of the pen hitting the table top with force and fervour.

Eventually, the doctor finished writing, turned to look her in the eyes and said, “my love…there is nothing to fix here”. [long pause]

“You have just had enormous changes in your body. Enormous changes in your life and you are in fact doing the very best that you can”. [longer pause]

“It IS however possible that you ARE in fact broken though……broken open”.

The woman, who had been blocked, confused, dazed, closed and shut down, burst into tears. Something shifted in that moment. In that moment, she realised she was ok. That nothing was wrong…even if she really didn’t understand what broken open meant.

She handed her 2 pieces of paper.

You can: take this script.Valium. Half of one in the morning and another half at night.

OR

You can: take this list and go to the library. Borrow these books and when the kids are asleep, read. Tell your husband to watch the kids and leave and go and read. Ask for friends to support with the kids and go and read. It is going to be challenging, but you are worth it, your children are worth it. Every week, come back and tell me what you have read. And it is up to you. The choice is yours..

If you take the pills, I totally supper that too. It is your life and you get to choose and you can change your mind at any time. You are supported in this. I don’t know what is best for you, only you know that.

The woman sat, staring at the papers. In her heart, she wanted the books, in her mind she really considered the pills.

In that moment, she chose to follow her heart. She knew it was going to be hard. She knew it would be a journey of challenge. But somewhere in there, she knew she was worth it and knew she could make it through.

In that sliding door moment she chose to grit it out. She chose to take the support. To ask for support. To support herself.

The woman acknowledges it was tough but on that day when I spoke to her, she was so grateful to that light house doctor who showed her a way safe to shore. It was rocky, it wasn’t smooth, but it was a journey that taught her so much.

Today, 30 years on and this woman, has written her very own book! Inhale. Exhale.

Today, I want to thank that doctor.

Today I want to thank the teachers who have had the courage to write those books.

Today I see the inherent value of books.

Today I am grateful for the impact that books have had on me.

Today I am grateful to the man who stood in front of a large group of us and said, “books are boring I will never write a book. It is like having a party on your own”.

Today I am grateful for the space we have created for Soul Reader Book Club.

Today I am grateful to the women who show up to be apart of the inward journey with me.

Today I made the commitment to FINALLY break through my own limiting beliefs and write this book in me.

Today, is a changing day in my life.

Go gently today as you consider the direction you want to take. Go gently and know you are supported. Go gently and know that you are worthy. Just, go gently. Don’t try to overhaul it all at once. Just follow where you feel called.

You are so loved.

Big love

Jen

x

 

2 thoughts on “I wonder which way I would have gone?

  1. What a great story and what a great way to frame it Jen. I love this story and I truly wish more doctors would give people real world options instead of the quick fix. Topped off my day nicely thanks for sharing xx

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    1. Thanks for the comment Xanthe. I would love that too and I do know there are some amazing doctors doing some awesome holistic view stuff. 🙂 Have a beautiful weekend. xxx

      Like

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