Life is like a good friend. It keeps trying to show you the way. Elizabeth Gilbert.
One of my friends and mentors laughs (and gives me an air slap) whenever I say, “God…I am such a slow learner”.
Every time I would say it, it was usually following ANOTHER ‘same lesson’ kinda moment. “Same lesson again? Really? Didn’t I get it last time? Why am I going down this road again? Come ON! I’m such a slow learner”!
That was kinda how I would speak to Belinda to which after she would air slap me, usually laugh and say, “You keep saying you are a slow learner THAT is what you will BE”. Then we would get down and jiggly with the exploration of what life was trying to show me.
Mostly, life was trying to show me the truth. And truth it seems is layered. Multi-layered with story, messy recollections, twisted perspectives, and distortion. Well, that is the shell around the truth. The deep truth.
This year my 2 words (yes I mention it again) are SLOW DOWN. Slow down so you can REALLY hear what life is trying to say. You have a message in this experience. Maybe even a few. But if you are rushing to the next thing all the time, you miss it and then, well, life will try to help you again…and in my case seemingly…again and again and again.
I’m no different to most people when it comes to wanting stuff done…now….or yesterday. Just get it gone!
I really reckon some of my ‘truth’ is that I have bought into this societal belief that if you aren’t answering the question, “So how are you?” with “busy”, “exhausted”, “give me a drink NOW!” then you are lazy.
I read recently a great article written by Amy Taylor-Kabbaz (www.happymama.com.au) about Bronnie Ware. Bronnie Ware is and author who wrote, “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying”. In Amy’s piece, we get to see the beautiful human who wrote reflections of her time as a nurse, supporting the dying.
A human who was an overnight literary success (took 14 years). A human who has been suffering from a debilitating form of rheumatoid arthritis. A human who had her first baby at 45 years of age. A beautiful human who believed she was “really strong and life kept throwing challenges at me and I just kept getting back up again. And the one day I thought to myself, ‘this is ridiculous. Just because you can do it tough doesn’t mean you have to”.
I know how short life is. I’ve been very blessed with that gift. I know that whether you die at 30, 50, 70 or 90, when you realise your life is over, you have that moment thinking, “hooley dooley, it can’t be over! It was too short! And through being with the dying, being very ill and now being a mother to a very alive little toddler, I just want to live it. I just want to live every moment as wonderfully as I can. I’m into living much more than I am in to dying!
Sometimes when I think about dying, I think that. “Not yet, not soon…there is still so much I want to do”…then I get anxious. Feel like I am not doing enough. That I am wasting life. That I am lazy! And when I feel that way, riddled with anxiety my response is to speed up!
That can be a trick my mind uses to speed me up again. “You’re not doing enough”. So, I’ll load up my plate, calendar and mind with ‘stuff to do’. Busy up girl!
You and I are not lazy if we want to say “no” to the 456th request to “chat about my project over coffee”, or to say ‘no’ in general.
You and I are not lazy because we are not exhausted.
You and I are not lazy because our kids aren’t doing 1 million activities….and neither are our kids!
You and I are not lazy if we respond to the question, “how have you been?” with, “totally rocking it thanks” (which is my plan to be able to say that this year and really MEAN it).
I am not lazy sitting on my beautiful deck, overlooking my beautiful tree filled land, watching the sun gently massage the leaves on the trees, writing a personal reflection and perspective while sipping a cup of herbal tea.
I am in fact so incredibly blessed to have this life experience. Right now. And if I DID breath my last breath tonight, I have LIVED..if only just for this most precious moment here!
Oh, and as a funny side note:
Today I have been dealing with our new broadband supplier who seemingly has changed us to a SLOWER speed connection. “But this wasn’t our agreement”. *red face* *steam ears* Funny that I am experiencing slower internet….
…..Life is my friend and supporting me to slow down…and clearly, I find this process a little challenging.
Looking forward to seeing Belinda next with no use of, “I’m a slow learner”. Instead I can say, “So, I wonder what life is trying to teach me AGAIN”;)
Slow down precious and listen to what life is teaching us.
Go gently and speak kindly to yourself!
Big, big love