I started this entry last week…some how, it fell off and I have no idea what I was actually writing about. Purposeful. I had a burn this morning to get this shit out!
This is a bit of a confessional space this one.
I’m not doing it to air dirty laundry, I am airing it to let it go and to share why I reckon judging others is both a self protective mechanism and a massive self sabotaging strategy.
Being judgemental, critical and putting people down. That shit sucks arse. But what is even more suck arse to me is that I make them. Not judgements like, “that is a tree, that is a book, that is an arm” kind of judgement, but the kind of judgement that is harsh, unhelpful and in no way designed to add love to the world.
Recently I have noticed I have not only been caught up in a stream of other people perspectives on other people, I have myself, facilitated judgey kind of conversations.
Urgh. It feels shit right?
It feels shit because I never come away feel better about myself, about the person I was being all judgy with and about the other people being judged.
The energy of judgement is not love. In fact, our beautiful mate the Dalai Lama says, “Love is the absence of judgement”.
I really reckon being judgemental is self protective and the most totally invulnerable (is that even a word) thing we can engage in. When I am spending time judging someone else, about what they should or shouldn’t be doing…who’s business am I in? I am in their business. All righteously projecting my perspectives on how they should be, what they should do, what they need. Urgh. God that feel shit man!
It means that no one is looking after my business. It means that I am not attending to my own growth. My own self love. My own areas of pain that require my full presence.
It means that I don’t feel hurt. That I don’t have to feel the discomfort of my own imperfections…instead, I’ll look at and rip apart the imperfect portions of others. Feels shit!
When I am in their shit, I get covered in it and far out I stink! AND that stink is so easy to repel people.
It isn’t a “oh well, if they don’t like me it’s their problem”, it’s more, “how do people feel when they leave my presence?”
Can they trust me with themselves. Can they know that I am going to love, honour and respect their stories…them?
If I am judging others in their presence…it says more about me, than it does about the people I am judging.
There is that old saying, “if they do it with you, they will do it to you”…I think Dr Phil says that when he talks about affairs, but it applies here too.
If you are sitting with someone, who is CONSTANTLY bagging the shit out of the people they say they love the most, or anyone in general….Houston!
I am talking about people who just run people down..anyone, at any time, for anything!
Unplug from that shit…not the person necessarily, just the buy in to the judgements, the gossip, the hurtful talk. Speak up. It is easy to put people down in the moment A LOT harder to say, “dude, this shit ain’t feeling so good to me” in the moment.
When we carry on like this, we are also sabotaging ourselves.
What if I am looking around putting someone down for lets say, being successful in my field of play (which others may call work)……?
Lets say I say, “How did they get a book deal, they don’t even have a blog”. Or, “How can they do what they do when they haven’t even been to university?” Or, “they haven’t studied as much as me”. Or, “How do they have so many followers they haven’t been in the game as long as I have?”
Every time I say that, I send a message to my brain AND to the universe, that whatever I am judging in others for, IS UNSAFE! Unsafe = fear!
Brain goes….unsafe…you’ll get hurt if you do those things that they are doing. So, stay small. Don’t shine. Don’t draw attention to yourself. YOU’LL BE JUDGED LIKE YOU ARE JUDGING THEM.
Universe goes, “we attract what we are, so here is some of what you are doing, done to you”. Not malicious, just honouring the energetic principle of law of attraction.
I’m letting my attitude of judgement bring awareness to where I am protecting myself, taking myself out of my own growth and perhaps limiting my ability to really have the kind of life I truly want!
Ahhhh. I feel so much better. I have caught it. I am loving the learning AND I choose to unplug with love from judgemental and harsh critical shit.
I’d love to know what you have experienced when you have been judgemental. Share the learning. Being judgemental. How does that feel to you?
Speak kindly to yourself…especially when you realise you are out of alignment with the person you want to be in the world….