I am at ‘that’ age now, where I have a pretty good depth of time in this lifetime for me to reflect on.
Today, as I contemplate content and flow for our Soul Reader gathering on Thursday night, I came across an interview with Mastin Kipp and Wayne Dyer….
As I listened to Wayne, there were a lot of stories I had heard him tell in other clips I had watched in the past.
But something was different this time. This time, I really heard what I am here for! What I chose for this time around. What I came to learn and to teach.
Since I was very young, I have always had a kinda ‘feeling’ about things.
At 9 I had a ‘knowing’ that my dad wasn’t actually my dad. I distinctly remember laying on the bottom bunk of my neighbours bunk bed one sleep over as we discussed our families.
She had a step mum. Her step mum she believed, was in fact the wicked witch from the east.
As I lay there listening, the words, “well at least you know your step mum isn’t your mum…I don’t think my dad is my dad” fell from my mouth.
She dropped her down to look at me and in upside down horror she said, “That is just crazy…how do you know?”
The truth was, I didn’t know. Not for sure. It was just a feeling I had. I had no proof. His name was on my birth certificate, his parents were my grandparents, he said he was my dad, my mum said he was my dad. All the evidence showed that he was my dad. My friend may actually have been right. It was crazy…right?
At 11, my sister was born. After she was born, my mum didn’t come home.
She had been transferred to a larger hospital. When I asked why, the response from my dad was, “she’s sick!”.
“What kind of sick though dad? What is wrong?”
“Just sick kid. I’ll tell you about it more when you are older?”.
That was that. No more talking about it. Mum was not home. She was sick?
Right there, I knew they weren’t telling the whole truth again.
13 and my parents separate.
13 and mum tells me, that the dad I thought was my dad, wasn’t.
When she told me, I was kinda relieved. Relieved because I ‘knew’. I wasn’t crazy.
Not too long after that, mum got ‘sick’ again. I saw what this sick was. Mum has bipolar. Her sick was brutal….although when she was in the ‘up’ phase, you’d think it was the best kinda sick in the world.
I helped out with my brother and sister. Pretty badly it seems. Both of my siblings don’t speak to me now days.
I tried to help mum in her ‘sickness’ or her dis-ease. Messy. Unsure. Unhelpful. Helpful. Painful. Learning. Laughter. Numbing. Confusion. Love.
I became a Registered Nurse to ‘help’ others with their dis-eases. Messy. Unsure. Unhelpful. Helpful. Painful. Learning. Laughter. Numbing. Confusion. Love.
I became a Community Corrections Officer to ‘help’ others with their dis-ease. MESSY. Unsure. Unhelpful. Painful. Learning. Laughter. Numbing. Confusion. Love.
I became a mum to ‘help’ myself with my dis-ease. MESSY. UNSURE. Unhelpful. Painful. LEARNING. LAUGHTER. NUMBING. Confusion. LOVE.
I became a Life Guide to help others with their dis-ease. MESSY. UNSURE. Unhelpful. PAINFUL. LEARNING. LAUGHTER. Numbing. Confusion. LOVE.
As I listened to Wayne talk about his life, about his clarity as to why he came here, what he was to learn in this life time, I really heard why I came here! Clearer than I had before.
THE UNIVERSE (or god) HAD IT’S FINGERPRINTS ALL OVER MY LIFE DESTINY!
I came here to SEEK TRUTH and TRUST my intuition to HELP others with their ‘dis-ease’.
That is all.
That is why I am here.
I have SO many experiences where I have heard my intuition, my inner ding (as Louise Hay calls it), my higher self, my BIG self….and yet I haven’t trusted it!
Here I sit, KNOWING it is all unfolding beautifully AND I KNOW with the same clarity I knew my dad wasn’t my dad, ALL IS WELL AND will continue to be so!