That is the sound I feel like making at the moment to represent my…exhaustion! My kinda current feeling and really, all I feel like I can muster!
This human is…tired!
2015 was intended to be a productive year! And, well it has been….ish.
After close to 10 years of caring for the daily needs of at least one child, this year, each day, I have had a few hours to dedicate to me and the creation of the stuff I love.
Total. Trucking. Too. Much. On. My. Plate! Which of course, I have added!
While being the predominant carer for our small tribe of kidlets, I crazily thought that when #3 wen to school, things would get less hectic. Less busy. Less.
Pft. Let me say…it hasn’t been!
Finally, I slowed down to really notice my chatter. The monkey mind. Busy. Grasping. Gripping.
My beautiful-ego-protective-fearful-head talk of late sounds a little like this…
“Do you practice ANYTHING that you preach?”. “Why haven’t you worked all this shit out yet?”. “You’re failing all over the shop”. “You’re letting people down”. “You’re not doing enough”. “So many people have it worse off than you”. “Jeezus, what the hell are you doing?”.
Which then of course allows my mind to find evidence of my “failings”.
Insert friends that feel neglected. Jobs half attended. A yoga course that really does just challenges me. A business that is sllllllooowly growing. A bank account that is NOT sllllooooowwly growing…or fast growing for that matter. A husband that is super supportive and legitimately wants my attention. 3 lots of homework. Clothes that need washing ALL THE TIME (nudist camp considerations at the moment). A house I love but jeezus it’s a big house to maintain. A garden I love and yep…maintain!
Through all the introspection and inward journey I have done, this is what really resonates with me….
Here is what I come back to and HAVE to keep coming back to:
Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements:
1. Be impeccable with your word
Say only what I mean. Avoid using talk against myself or to blame others for my circumstance. Use my word in the direction of love and truth (kinda why I am posting this).
2. Don’t take anything personally
Nothing others do is because of me!! What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When I am immune to the opinions of others, I won’t be a victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t make assumptions
I must find the courage to ask questions and express what I really want. Communicate with others clearly to avoid misunderstandings and drama.
4. Always do your best
My best is going to change from moment to moment. It is different if I am well slept and well hydrated to when I am not. Under any circumstance, when I do my best i can calm my ego to avoid self judgement, self abuse and neglect…oh and regret!!
So, as I work through my pppppfffftttthh phase i take comfort in that it is a phase. A moment in time. An opportunity to really tune in to what is important and a time to give myself a frickin break!
I am DOING THE BEST I CAN….and the best I can at the moment is to sit here and write! Boom!
So there ego. Take that one my friend.
If you are experiencing a moment such as mine, here is some super love to you! Oh…and please reach out if you need a hand…I’m with you! We can navigate this together!!
After all…we’re all in this together!
Speak kindly to yourself.
Big, big love