It has taken a while of letting the flakes settle in the snow cone after reading Elizabeth Gilberts FB post on Tribes. https://www.facebook.com/GilbertLiz
Out of everything I read in her piece, the idea that struck me most obviously was this;
“Tribes provide meaning”
Meaning. Provide meaning? What is this meaning? For me, it is purpose. It is significance. It is important. Commonly aligned values. Agreed dance moves.
Looking through the news paper tonight (an activity I very seldom do) it became so clear to me.
In our local paper there are stories of bikies moving from one group to another, of ISIS members growing and Australian citizens among them, of soccer mums…mums who play soccer together, of sports teams, of meter maids….all tribes!
A place to belong.
A place to be seen.
A place to feel connected.
A place of influence.
A place of fun.
A place to have mirror back to us what we believe.
In Elizabeths piece we are reminded that we all come from tribes. Family tribes. School tribes. Work tribes. Collections of people who share common perspectives and drives.
But what happens if you decide you no longer want to play in the same team, same tribe?
I have experienced this first hand, on a few occasions. And the fall out has been very painful.
As I type this, neither my brother or sister are speaking to me. It has been this way for over 2 years now.
In our family tribe, I assumed the role of guardian over all. When I resigned from this role, the fall out was huge. Painful. Confusing. Growth producing.
I have left my tribe of origin for the most part or maybe they have left me? When I did, I felt huge shame. I felt huge guilt.
All of us, we had grown up and danced a familiar dance. This dance changed along the way and in doing so, left people with stepped on toes, bruised egos and tantrums of not getting our way.
Our old dance was familiar even though uncomfortable.
The dance partners want familiar. They want predictable. They want safe.
I chose to dance another way and it upset the flow. It made it difficult to connect.
I am not better than them because I chose another way.
I am not better than them because of the dance I do.
I completely respect their styles. I respect their choices. I forgive myself for wanting it any other way and I forgive them for lashing out at me.
I am not holding the ‘my way or the highway’ card in anyway.
I am open to the possibility that we may one day laugh and dance and sing again together. In the meantime, I laugh and dance and sing with those who want to do the same with me.
I no longer long for the approval of my team of origin.
I can love them from a distance.
Can I love them even if they don’t dance my dance?
I can develop other teams of love.
I can participate in the dance of love with those who wish to dance with me.
I don’t like to see myself abandoning my tribe of origin. I prefer to see myself seeing the team sit on the sidelines, taking a break. If we never play as a team together, we never do. That does not mean I don’t love them and love what the journey has taught me.
If you are feeling alone and want to belong, I extend my love to you and invite you to physically or cyberly accept the invitation to join our Soul Team.
Always speak kindly to yourself
Big, big love to you.