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I practice holding space for the 1%

It takes courage to follow the path of your heart.

It takes courage to journey to find what the path of your heart is.

It takes curiosity. An openness and a kinda, “I can’t know for sure” attitude in the world.

I used to be a skeptic. And, still, there are things I kinda go…”hmmmm, not so sure about that level of ‘woo, woo’. And yet, I do love A LOT of ‘woo, woo’.

I don’t know what happens after we die. I don’t know if angels really exist. I don’t know if there is a being that exists outside of us. I don’t know if what ‘they’ say is true.

What I do know is I hold a 1% space for the ‘possibility’ there is.

I hold the 1% space for the possibility that all people may live in love one day.

I hold 1% space for the possibility that my siblings will one day forgive me for my different-ness and imperfectness.

I hold 1% space for the possibility that my being here may leave a positive ripple in the sea of humanity.

I hold space that we all might be healed of our pain and suffering and be able to love fully.

I only need to stay open to the possibility. That is who I am. A holder of possibilities. A never say never-er.

I am practicing to remain always open, even if the tiniest bit for infinite possibilities to exist.

It is a practice, because I didn’t always feel like this. So I practiced right fighting. Righteous “I know all”..Beautiful learnings I had in that space.

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Are you open and curious or are you “so sure” about so many things that there is no space to expand in to the possibilities.

Or, were you closed and righteous like me and now explore another way?

Love to hear.

Big, big love

Jen

x

4

It is all part of the spiritual journey…not just the amaze-ball stuff

Sometimes when you are going through a touch patch, it is challenging to look around and feel like everyone else has their lives sorted.
You can feel isolated, like you have done something wrong to attract all this crappy stuff, that you just can’t seem to ‘cut a break’ while all the while there are these people who have is sweet as!
What I have noticed in my own life, is now that I have tools to apply to my life WHEN I am going through a tough patch, because I will, the tough part is transformed into a gift A LOT faster than it did before I knew what what ‘really’ going on.
My giving back, my gift to the community around me is using what I have learnt, to help others navigate the tough patches when they happen.
Ultimately, this is what tough patches are for. They strengthen your calling to be of service.
They are A PART of the journey. Not excluded from it.

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If you can just pop your head out of the muck for a moment you may see that what is happening now, is actually happening for you. It is gifting you with an opportunity to learn and to grow and to contribute.
If you need some light on it, open up to support from a teacher, a coach, a therapist, a trusted friend, a healer, a guide….sometimes we can’t see the forest for the trees…one of those people is in a helicopter and can see down what is happening..
Your teacher will show when you are ready to support you on your spiritual path.
Be kind to yourself
Big, big love
Jen
xx

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Do you feel it as a compliment or a betrayal? Love to hear your wisdom here!!

Among a bunch of interests I have, one of them is building community with like hearted people.

For the past few years, I have been facilitating a beautiful book club called Soul Readers. We meet once a month and discuss books that have the capacity to help us grow, love deeper and question how we do life.

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Prior to starting this group, I had never been a part of a book club, or more honestly, a growth group. We started with a few friends and it has grown mostly by word of mouth.

Recently I have expanded my experience and started another Book Club. This kinda took me out of my comfort zone as I was launching in to a space where I potentially knew no one and no one knew me. Little daunting.

After our first connection, I knew I would be fine and that we would attract the kind of people we wanted to create community with.

Due to illness, I was unable to make the last book club (out of comfort zone one) and so one of the other group members stepped up and facilitated. How awesome and brave is that?

Anyway, we met recently to debrief over the meet up. During that beautiful connection I was told that a few of the members were a bit upset. “Whoa”, I thought. Really? “What is happening?” I asked our co-organiser.

Some of our little group were particularly upset after finding out that some attendees of our first connection had gone off and created another group similar to the one I have created and had invited them to come and join them…to them it felt like betrayal. Like they were being poached. That the integrity of those other soul readers was not intact.

“Hmmmm” I thought.

As I sat, I immediately felt what our precious members were feeling.

But here is the thing.

I don’t own anyone and I am not responsible for what they may do or not do. The choices they make…well I trust wholeheartedly they are the choices best for them. My business is not what they decide, but what I decide.

So, while I completely understand why they felt a bit betrayed I also felt kinda “yeah baby”.

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If I have inspired another person to have the courage to step out and create a space where people feel welcome, feel like they may learn something, may grow…then YES! That is so cool.

The world needs more teachers who create space for community. For connection. For love. For growth.

I trust that everyone who seeks to connect with me, it is FOR me AND for them. I trust that there are different teachers for different people at different times. I don’t own anyone nor would I want them to only seek to learn from me and me only.

Sure, for a split second my ego may have said, “Gasp, really, they stole my idea?” but I have listened to my ego long enough to know it is a part of me that wants protection, validation, approval and says, “it’s mine” to know that it isn’t a loving place…it is a fear place it comes from.

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I’m getting more practiced in moving from a love place.

Imitation is a compliment. As long as I focus on creating what I love, and not what others may or may not be doing with it, my work is done!

I am curious. Have you ever done something and felt like your idea was ‘stolen’ or something similar? How did you perceive it? What did you learn from it? Love to hear your wisdom.

Speak kindly to yourself

Big, big love

Jen

xx

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Am I here? Where is here? Where do we go? Where are you?

For the past few years, among many things that have interested me, the afterlife has certainly been up there on the exploration.

Those who know me well are used to me talking about all kinds of weird and whacky things, exploring and discussing spirits, guides, angels, raw food, psychological issues, mental illness, plants for the garden, music, community issues, social observations, what happened to Jesus when he died ‘for real’…curious musings on if we are real, or imagined. If there is one universe or parallel universes…am I here? Where is here? Where do we go after here?

A lot of what I talk about, is not to have a firm opinion but rather, just to explore. Be curious. Be open. Expand instead of contract. Never believe I know it all. Vivaciously inquisitive.

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I notice when I am curious, when I am exploring I am open. Not fixed in my thinking and closed. Not “this is right, that is wrong” kind of thinking. More, “hmmmm” contemplations. I haven’t always been this way though and by gosh I can humanly slip back into righteous knowing instead of creative curiosity in the click of a trigger finger.

So, anyway the afterlife thing. This curiosity has taken me on an exciting journey of exploration.

In my curiosity, there are still some things that have taken me a while to really allow myself to experience and many more I have little desire to experience….at this moment. But who knows later.

Past life regression is one such experience.

2 years ago, I felt ready to have a go. Not to take it seriously, but be willing and open to have an experience. That was all.

Honestly, I don’t know if it was entirely real. I don’t know if it was my imagination, or if it was in fact a direct experience with the remembering of where my soul or energy had been before it was in this body.

I wonder though…. Every experience we choose to encounter has the potential to expand our life experience maybe? To help us live a life that really matters? A life of openness. Of curiosity. Of connection. This feels true for me at least.

The mystery of life after death has intrigued generations. The actual truth is, we have no real evidence of what happens when we leave this physical plane. Just ideas. Just trust in what others have said about what they believe to be true. I wonder if it is a bit like the interpretation of religion? Another blog on that maybe?

Since that regression 2 years ago, I have read many books and articles on what happens when we die. Books about near death experiences (NDR’s), where people recount their experience of what happened when their hearts stopped and then they started again. Raymond Moody was seen to be a pioneer who opened up the conversation about really exploring what happens when we die. In his book “Life After Life” Raymond shares with us multiple experiences of those who have seemingly been pronounced dead and then have started breathing again…including his own personal experience.

I found it fascinating and really pondered the possibility that there was a chance something did exist after this.

I continued to explore. More books like “Proof of Heaven”, “Journey of Souls” (which incidentally turn out to be required reading for my yoga teacher course…I know!!).

Then yesterday watching one of my fave interviews by Oprah with Jon Kabat-Zinn I had one of those beautiful moments that Oprah coined “Ah-ha” moments (those who know me know Oprah is my biggest mentor and role model and I have a deep and profound admiration for her service to the world…so any chance to talk about her I am on it [hehe])

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Oprah asked, as she does of most of her Super Soul interviewee’s, “What happens when we die?”

**I’ve been trying for the past 20 minutes to get to the part in the interview where Jon responds to this question, but, it won’t let me. So, I’ll give you my interpretation of what he said. Go here for the full interview: http://www.oprah.com/own-super-soul-sunday/Oprah-and-Jon-Kabat-Zinn-Practicing-Mindfulness**

What I heard him say was,

I’m not so concerned about that, but more concerned if I am living a life that matters here. Every moment.

Mmmmm.

I definitely say that my experience exploring the possibility of life after life has been a lot of fun. Has given me a lot of experiences that I love. Thing is, I don’t feel so compelled to explore the depths of it so much now….right now. Who knows in the future.

See, last night I heard the call again.

I heard the call to attention. On my reason for being here. It is to be here. To REALLY BE here. To notice THIS experience. Each experience. Each connection. Each laugh. Each smile.

To REALLY take in the colours. The smells. The sounds. To cut carrots and notice I am doing that. To hear the typing on the keyboard as I create this. To notice the interruptions in my human plan. To realise that nothing out there is more powerful than what is in here. Holding my hands on my heart. To live AWAKE. Really AWAKE. Mindful. Really mindful. Notice the beauty in all.

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My mindfulness practice is to ‘drop in’ and check how present I am being through the day.

Am I in the shower and really in the shower, or am I in the car on the way to school instead? Am I in the shower with the water and the steam and the sound and the soap, or am I planning my route after school drop off? Where am I through out the day? Am I awake to what is happening? Am I engaged with what I am doing or am I off thinking about something in the past or something in the future? Where am I? Am I here?

This earthly experience…I notice it is a trip! A buzz-filled trip!

I reckon you will really love this interview with Jon.

As always…I’d love to hear what your experience and learn from you!

How about you?

Speak kindly to yourself.

Big, big love

Jen

xx

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8 ways to help find your personal gifts that you can offer to the world.

There are topics that I could literally speak about ALL day long if there people willing to listen. Seriously…ALL day long! Things I love to explore. Love to dive deep into.

This awareness helps me understand my soul calling. What I am here to do while I am here this time around.

I am super clear why I am here on this planet.

For me personally, it is to learn, to grow, to teach….and repeat. To create connected communities. To help people. To love.

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I didn’t always ‘know’ this, although some may argue that we always know we just don’t listen.

It has been a journey of great adventure to discover my gifts.

Many of us wonder, what is my gift or my gifts?

Many of us get paralysed my the silence that presents when we ask that question of ourselves.

As soon as we ask that question, our problem solving mind goes into task mode. Looking around for answers. Looking at others and wondering, is that my gift that they have? Are all the gifts taken?

We start to compare ourselves to others. We tend to think of gift as something freaky or jaw dropping.

If this is you, and feel like you still are not clear on who or what you want to be when you grow up, you are on the path to discovery.

“The purpose of life is to find your gifts and then give them away”. Pablo Picaso

Here are my 6 ways to start to spiral to the centre of our calling.

1. Instead of using the word gifts, change it to strengths. What are my strengths? What am I really good at? Hosting a party? Talking to strangers? Making people laugh? Fixing broken electronics? Social media navigation? Networking? Drawing pictures? Bringing people together? Attending to detail orientated tasks? Updating a blog? Finding grammatical errors and spelling mistakes? Keeping a house immaculate? Managing your health well? Helping people in tough times? Supporting people make decisions that best suit them?

2. Give space to your mind that says, “you have no strengths”. That my friend is absolute BS. Everyone of us has strengths!

3. Consider what you love to talk about. When someone starts talking about that topic, you want to share your experience with it. If you are at a party and you start talking to them, and you could talk about anything you wanted to, what would you talk about?

4. Follow your curiosities. What is it you are most curious about? Are you curious about the vibrational magnitude of foods? Or about where has the greatest population of octogenarians? Or maybe you are curious how to paint a landscape.

5. If you are in a library, and you are looking around, just for you, what books do you move toward consistently?

6. If I spoke to someone who knew you, they would say, “oh they are so good at…….”.

7. Pay attention to what you feel most drawn to spend your money on. Personal development courses? Clothes? Good wine? Books? Raw food courses? Health foods? Cruises? What, if you had more money would you spend it on not as a necessity, but just because you could.

8. What is it when you are doing it, you just wish would keep going and going because it feels so amazing? Working out? Riding horses? Sitting in the forest? Meeting new people? Writing stories? Dancing? Talking about relationships? Sleeping? Yoga? Pilates? Flying in an aeroplane to far away places? Eating healthy foods? Sex? Singing?

I’d love if you shared your experience below and your strengths. Your experience may shine a light for the journey of others!

Do you know why you are here? What your soul purpose is?

This is a PROCESS of unfolding of self awareness. Some people have that awareness early, some later. It isn’t a competition but a beautiful journey TO ourselves FOR ourselves and others.

If you want some more support to really get clear on your unique super power, you know where you can find me.

Speak kindly to yourself.

Big, big love

Jen

xx

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Teams, tribes of origin and the lessons we learn from them!

It has taken a while of letting the flakes settle in the snow cone after reading Elizabeth Gilberts FB post on Tribes. https://www.facebook.com/GilbertLiz

Out of everything I read in her piece, the idea that struck me most obviously was this;

“Tribes provide meaning”

Meaning. Provide meaning? What is this meaning? For me, it is purpose. It is significance. It is important. Commonly aligned values. Agreed dance moves.

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Looking through the news paper tonight (an activity I very seldom do) it became so clear to me.

In our local paper there are stories of bikies moving from one group to another, of ISIS members growing and Australian citizens among them, of soccer mums…mums who play soccer together, of sports teams, of meter maids….all tribes!

A place to belong.

A place to be seen.

A place to feel connected.

A place of influence.

A place of fun.

A place to have mirror back to us what we believe.

In Elizabeths piece we are reminded that we all come from tribes. Family tribes. School tribes. Work tribes. Collections of people who share common perspectives and drives.

But what happens if you decide you no longer want to play in the same team, same tribe?

I have experienced this first hand, on a few occasions. And the fall out has been very painful.

As I type this, neither my brother or sister are speaking to me. It has been this way for over 2 years now.

In our family tribe, I assumed the role of guardian over all. When I resigned from this role, the fall out was huge. Painful. Confusing. Growth producing.

I have left my tribe of origin for the most part or maybe they have left me? When I did, I felt huge shame. I felt huge guilt.

All of us, we had grown up and danced a familiar dance. This dance changed along the way and in doing so, left people with stepped on toes, bruised egos and tantrums of not getting our way.

Our old dance was familiar even though uncomfortable.

The dance partners want familiar. They want predictable. They want safe.

I chose to dance another way and it upset the flow. It made it difficult to connect.

I am not better than them because I chose another way.

I am not better than them because of the dance I do.

I completely respect their styles. I respect their choices. I forgive myself for wanting it any other way and I forgive them for lashing out at me.

I am not holding the ‘my way or the highway’ card in anyway.

I am open to the possibility that we may one day laugh and dance and sing again together. In the meantime, I laugh and dance and sing with those who want to do the same with me.

I no longer long for the approval of my team of origin.

I can love them from a distance.

Can I love them even if they don’t dance my dance?

I can develop other teams of love.

I can participate in the dance of love with those who wish to dance with me.

I don’t like to see myself abandoning my tribe of origin. I prefer to see myself seeing the team sit on the sidelines, taking a break. If we never play as a team together, we never do. That does not mean I don’t love them and love what the journey has taught me.

If you are feeling alone and want to belong, I extend my love to you and invite you to physically or cyberly accept the invitation to join our Soul Team.

Always speak kindly to yourself

Big, big love to you.

Jen

xx

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I still catch myself doing this grouping thing!

Human beings fascinate me. They do.

And I wonder if they all do. I don’t know ALL humans, yet when we use words to describe groups we make judgements about all of that group.

Yesterday in the supermarket, two women entered the store behind me. I heard one of the women say, “People are so stupid”. To which the other woman said, “Why?” I didn’t hear the reply, but I walked away thinking…”I am people, you are people…are we really all stupid?”

Of course she didn’t mean that all people are stupid. What she really meant was, “I want to engage with you and tell you about an experience I had, do you want to hear?” Instead, she lead with “people are stupid”.

We want connection. A lot of us are just in a habit of talking smack about people to engage with others.

Words are powerful energies.

I wonder. Are words of harsh judgement helpful to our own lives?

How often do we review experiences we have had with a single person and then lump all other people into that same group.

We had a messy break up. All men are shit.

A few people who believe their hurtful thoughts and kill people in the name of god. Religions are dangerous.

Someone was having a bad day and delivered maybe not so great service. Waiters at that place are shit.

Politicians are dicks.

They like to read books. Nerds.

They wear jingly, jangly, bell-like things and have long hair. Pot-smoking hippies.

People who dress up and have fun! Attention seekers!

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Words are thoughts expressed.

The words we use can limit our life experience. Can close us off. Shut us down because we have already made up our minds about ‘them’.

Really, do we know ‘them’?

Maybe that catholic is awesome. Maybe that man is compassionate. Maybe that politician has integrity. Maybe that hippie has life wisdom to share.

Irrespective of what ‘they’ are….I can ask, “Am I behaving awesome. Am I compassionate? Do I live with integrity?” And if the answer is yes, then I am not concerned about what anyone else is doing or not doing. I am focussed on being more kind to me, and more kind to others. I just keep doing that. I don’t give my power away to another to bring me down or cramp my positive buzz.

Maybe if we stop looking around ready to judge people, we can see that they are as imperfect as us…and can we love them anyway?

Can you catch yourself judging? Can you hear yourself grouping people?

How can you use your words to be more kind? More kind to yourself, and more kind to others?

Do you have a tendency to group people based on an individual experience you had?

Love to hear

Big, big love.

Jen

xx

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As someone who used to numb ‘bad’ feelings, I know what she says to be true!

Our Soul Reader book club is still exploring the beauty and discomfort of Brene Browns, “The Gifts of Imperfection” Couple of jumpy outy kinda parts for me today! b50707f2546543b78f06f9292c8dd80a “Joy is as thorny and sharp as any of the dark emotions”. “When we lose our tolerance to discomfort, we lose joy”.

“We can’t make a list of all the ‘bad’ emotions and say, “I’m not going to numb these” and then make a list of positive emotions and say, “I’m going to fully engage with these”.

As someone who used to numb ‘bad’ emotions I know this to be true for me. Until I REALLY started to feel again, to start to allow the discomfort of feeling pain, hurt, neglect, self abandonment to really show up, I was sleep walking. Putting on a face of “all is well” but completely out of integrity with myself.

What I showed everyone else, I knew was a lie. A lie only to myself. A painful truth to acknowledge.

I don’t recommend doing the ‘un-numbing’ on your own. It gets dark at times and when you are on your hands and knees sometimes you need someone to hold the torch. If you are struggling, put your hand up.

We can reach in and hold you. As a team, we can wade through the murky shame swamp.

Big, big love Jen Leanxx

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To the parents..not because you are better than those without kids…but I get it!!!

If you have kids, you know what I mean when I say, “I love them more than anything AND my gosh, just for a moments peace”.

If you don’t have kids, you will no doubt have opinions on how best to parent, about how to take care of yourself about how to discipline, about what to feed them…I used to. I used to think it was a piece of cake this parenting thing. After all, I was the oldest of a few and I spent a lot of time in charge of other kids well-being!

Pft. If I thought that qualified me to know what being a parent was all about, I was completely delusional.

I personally had a tough time adjusting to parenthood. Not initially. Initially it was a challenge. It was an adventure. It was, well something new. But later. When the lights became dim and the crowd had dispersed…it got tough!

I, like many women my age, had done pretty ‘normal’ things…and some maybe not so culturally normal things as well. We want to get it ‘right’. We want to be seen to be ‘perfect parents’ and our poor kids shoulder the responsibility to be perfect so we might look perfect.

So we might be validated! We might get a gold star like at school. We might get a distinction or high distinction at university. Or a great performance review at work. Or get hired in a new role. Or a promotion. All external validation that we are OK!! Although often as a parent, no gold star, no distinction, no positive performance review…just a bunch of spew instead!

I like to do things well. Not just well, but really well.

As a parent, there really is no measure of well for many years. In all the things I had done before, I had been repeatedly reaffirmed. I had gotten report cards. I had gotten university grades. I had received promotions. I had been paid. I had a feeling of contribution and had feedback to support it.

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Became a parent and for a lot of the time you wonder if you are doing anything right. 

You don’t have a mentor other than maybe a mother. And my mother bless her, did the absolute best she could…but me…I wanted more!

I have this thing you are in full care of.

At times I find it challenging to finish a complete thought much less a sentence.

One of the fundamental needs of us all is connection. And when you have a bunch of buzzing children, connection is a toughy!

Exhale.

To here.

9 years on I have leant A LOT about mothering, about wifing (not wi-fiing although that too), I have learnt a LOT about Jenning.

My strength is to provide a space to get honest. To talk about the things that make us human. To get uncomfortable so we grow.

What is my point in all this?

Parenting is a journey of self discovery! It is a truth seeking journey. It is a ride like no other.

While parenting you are going to love like you have never loved. and hurt like you have never hurt. Felt connected to something so great you cannot describe its origin and yet disconnected from everything you know.

It can be lonely it can be fulfilling. It can be heartbreaking and it can be enlightening.

In all it’s pain and discomfort, there is so much joy…joy that I didn’t know accessible until I opened to the the truth of parenting pain. It’s tough. It’s messy. It’s stinky. It’s shit at times. And until we can have a true and honest talk about this gig, post natal depression is going to continue to exist. Isolation will continue. Judgement of ourselves will continue.

Lets be honest. Life is full of light and it is full of darkness. When we can be ok to experience both without judgement…there is freedom!

Lets talk about the real shit. The stuff that really gets in the way of us being the BEST versions of ourselves so we can be so we can be the BEST versions of ourselves as role models…no pressure 😉

Big, big, extreme love to all you parents!

Speak kindly to yourself

Jen

xx

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My thoughts drove me to….wake. Pesky, lovely things!

I was awake last night from 12 midnight until 1.00 am. Not usual at all for me. Usually when my head hits the pillow it is goodnight sweetheart until it is time to wake in the morning!

I woke up from a dream, not a scary dream, just a dream that I cannot recall.

It was a hot night. I had eaten a dinner that wasn’t what I would call wholly nutritious. Maybe possible reasons? Regardless, I lay there awake. The kind of awake that you have when you are really excited about the events of the day ahead. Which for the most part I am usually….but not at 12 midnight.

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As I lay there, I began to notice my thinking. Lots of activity. A lot of creative thoughts, a lot of fear thoughts, basically a LOT of thoughts.

Then it dawned on me.

Over the Easter break, I had been easily distracted from my daily stillness practice.

While all the adventures and connections over this time had be awesome, I really hadn’t carved out some meaningful time just to be still.

My mind has become used to have a rest. My thoughts are used to having space to be heard.

Last night at midnight, it was like the neglected child came into my room and decided to tell me everything it had been storing up, waiting for a moment to express.

When I realised this, I hopped out of bed, went to get some water, sat on the couch and  gave my mind 10 minutes to interrupt my sleep. I let my mind express. I just watched. I just listened to each passing comment. I noticed my temptation to attach and follow the thought. I noticed my heart beating quite loudly. I noticed I was actually content.

Again, I noticed all kinds of thoughts. All kinds of creative thoughts. Work thoughts. Writing topic thoughts. Thoughts about friends and how they are. Disturbed thoughts. Thoughts of not doing enough. Thoughts of worry. Contemplations of that of the past. Angry thoughts. Many, many, many thoughts….and that was only in 10 minutes!

I set my timer which when it went off sounded like the waves lapping on the shore and when the timer went off, I said thank you to my mind and went to bed.

I slept deeply and woke feeling energised and calm. No snappy toms. No rushing. No pushing.

Honestly, I can’t know for sure why I woke last night. What I can be sure about though is that often things happen that we don’t understand.

Now days for me, it isn’t about using my energy to figure out why it is happening (even if I still do spend time in that space) but rather, “ok, well what am I going to do now that it has happened?”

For me, I just listened. I went within to hear what was going on. Something I had neglected for a while there.

It has taken a lot of practice for me to be okay to go within. For a very long time I was afraid of what I would hear. Of what I would find. Of what might find me.

Now, I recognise and notice I can be open and curious about what my mind has to say. I get to choose to believe or not…in that, I find freedom. I find if I allow my thoughts to have their space, there is less tantrum behaviour in an attempt to get attention. Thoughts still come, they always will…the gap between them is growing and my attachment to them is lessening.

How do you deal with your wakeful nights…if you have them?

Big, big love

Speak kindly to yourself

Jen

xx